Chapter 8
Cassius
She’s back. She’s home, and she’s in my arms. Over the past hour I’ve looked down at the woman in my arms every few seconds to make sure she’s really there.
But she’s not the woman I’ve come to know over the past year, not really. This is Harlow.MyHarlow; the girl I fell in love with when we were teenagers. The girl I gave my virginity to. The girl who trusted me with her body to be the one to have her first consensual sex with.
We’ve all talked about this, and we know there’s something different about Harlow’s mind. Without any professional opinions we can’t be too sure, but we think it’s Dissociative Identity Disorder. And not one of us cares. Because each identity she has, is a part of what makes her who she is.
None of us are really surprised, when you live a life like she has, it’s not hard to see why she would need to split her mind into different people to cope with the trauma.
Neo has it; his is more obvious than Harlow’s. Beast and Neo, two very different identities. Both with an undying love for every part of Harlow and Queenie.
But with Harlow, her identities can be completely separate or blend together. When we first saw her again in her office, she was more Queenie than Harlow, but once she started to accept our love for her, all parts of her, we started to see Harlow showing through more. But now, this is Harlow, but a different version.
I’m not going to lie, seeing her like this, all cuddly and full of love... it makes me happy, so fucking happy.
It’s something I didn’t know I needed, that I unknowingly craved. I haven’t had this kind of love or attention since high school. I didn’t know just how much I’ve missed it.
“Cass,” she whispers.
“Yeah,” I whisper back.
“Can we go to your room? I’m not tired, but even in this big bed, there’s not much room to move at the moment.” She laughs softly.
Looking around, I see everyone except us has fallen asleep. Rosie is cuddled into Evie, and Sam is next to Axel.
I’m not sure exactly what is going on there, but I know there’ssomething. Axel took to Sam really fast. Their friendship has become really close. But as time went on, I started noticing that Axel’s overprotectiveness of Sam was more of how a lover might feel towards their partner instead of a friend.
Axel has always been into men, he’s just preferred women for the most part. We used to talk about things when we were younger, back when we were close. He told me about how he was attracted to the guys on the football team as well as the cheerleaders. He thought there was something wrong with him, and I told him that it was fine to be attracted to both, that I’d love him all the same.
We went to a really preppy rich school, and they didn’t approve of someone being gay or bi. So he kept it quiet. After Harlow and I started dating, that’s when we started to drift apart. I always had a feeling it was because he loved Harlow, and I had her.
But here we are, years later, not only sharing that same woman, but also sharing her with our cousins.
I miss my brother, and I hope now that whatever was keeping him from Harlow is dealt with, we can work on our own relationship.
Now, as for Sam? I’m not sure what he wants to happen with that, or how Harlow will take it. But I do know that whatever is going on between them isn’t just friendship. I’m not sure what happened to make them so distant this past week, but I hope they work it out. Sam has been good for Axel. Sure, he’s still an asshole, but Sam has brought out a softer side that I haven’t seen in years.
“Yeah,” I chuckle. “Let’s go.” I smile down at her in my arms. I’m trying my hardest to be strong for her, but my heart hurts. I want to scream, throw things, kill someone for what happened to her.
The sad thing is, she’s so numb to what happened to her because of her past, she’s going on with life like nothing happened.
Does she think that because she’s already been assaulted so many times in the past that this one time doesn’t matter? Because she’s so fucking wrong if that’s what she’s thinking.
No one has the right to her body without her say, and anyone who takes it deserves to die. It’s what she does for everyone else, and it’s what Queenie did for them.
But I can’t do anything, because the man who I’d love to slowly torture to death is already dead, and I can’t even be mad about it because that life was hers to take.
Something tells me Queenie wishes she got her chance to play with him, but if his death was quick, then it was for good reason.
I shut off the movie and tuck Rosie and Evie in before giving Rosie a kiss on her forehead. Then I move next to Harlow.
“Carry me?” she asks, playfully batting her eyelashes, getting another chuckle out of me.
“Of course.” I scoop her up into my arms and hold her to my chest. She feels so small and fragile, and I know it’s killing her to be so vulnerable in this way.
She needs the rest, and she knows it, using this movie time to hide that fact. I didn’t mind, this family time was what we all needed.