She does nothing but blink at him, her face unreadable, before turning to the pool table, her back now to Axel. He can't see what she's doing, but I can. She wraps her hand around the pool cue, and then shit hits the fan. She spins around and cracks Axel across the head with the stick, snapping it in half, sending one end flying, making Neo duck, eyes wide in surprise.
Axel lets out a cry of pain. Harlow tosses the broken stick to the side and uses Axel’s position to her advantage. He's holding his head as he curses up a storm. She grabs a hold of his long hair, getting a good handful, and pulls his head down until he's bent over, then reaching for something in her pocket. Fuck, it’s one of her daggers.
She stabs Axel in the side, but from the angle I can see, I don't think she hit anything vital, not sure if she meant to or not.
Axel gives a pained grunt. I can see him gritting his teeth, trying to show Harlow that it’s not affecting him, but he's not fooling anyone. He doesn't fight back, though. At least he did one smart thing.
Harlow yanks his head back so that she can look him in the face. Her face is fucking scary right now; pupils blown wide. Her playful and happy demeanor, whenever there is violence, is nowhere in sight.
“How fucking DARE you call me that,” she says, her voice low and chilling. “You don't know me,” she spits. “You want to knowwhyI’m so carefree with my body? Why I don’t care who sees it or how I use it? It’s not because I want attention or that I want people to want me. It’s not because I want to show it off. No, it’s because for five fucking years, I was FORCED to strip bare for rooms full of men who looked at me with all the sick and twisted ideas they wanted to do with me. I was FORCED to give my body to monsters who had no fucking right to it. Now that my life is my own, I CHOOSE to do what I do. The difference between then and now is I have free will. I get tochoosehow I use my body. Who gets to see it and who doesn’t. I fuck Neo in front of people because I can. Because it’smymother fucking body, and it'smychoice! For the first time in my fucking life,Iget to choose what to do, no one else!” She’s yelling in his face now.
My heart is racing as she spills her heart out to us, and the sad thing is, I don't think she realizes she's doing it. She’s just caught up in the moment.
“And fuck you! My clubs are meant to give women, who have endured the hell I have, a safe place to do the same fucking thing I do. We don’t dance for anyone else but ourselves. We know when we get up on that stage and do something we love, we get to feel sexy and free, showing just enough without feeling like we're giving away our souls. Dancing makes us free to be whoever the fuck it is that we never got the chance to be. And I swear, Axel, insult me or my girls one more time, and I will end YOU!” With that, she rips his head to the side, sending him tumbling to the ground.
She storms past us, leaving Neo, Dean, and myself gaping at her back. “Meet me at the Rack Shack tomorrow night. Don't make me come find you,” she shouts as she takes off up the stairs.
Axel groans, and as if being broken from a spell, we all snap into action.
“You're a fucking dumbass,” I hiss as I help him over to the couch. He moves his hand, and blood pours from the wound. Dean comes back with some towels, and I take one, pressing it to his side. “You're gonna need stitches.”
“I’ll take him,” Dean says, then looks at Axel. “You need to get your shit under control. I know being under her rule has been a mindfuck to our lives. But the thing is, no matter what, she will be in charge of us, as well as everything else around here. If I, someone who loses their shit when something isn't how it should be, have been slowly learning to deal with this situation, then so can you. I don't know why you hate her so much.”
“You hate her too,” Axel grunts, gasping in pain as he shifts his weight.
“Actually, I don’t. I hate how I lose control around her. I hate how she isn't the woman we all cared for at one point in time. But her, as she is now? No, I don't hate her. How can you hate someone for who they are when you’re the reason why they are the way they are,” Dean says, then heads upstairs to start the car.
Dean is a quiet one, always observing things. He’s not much of a talker and tries not to get involved when he doesn't need to. The fewer things he sticks his nose into, the less he has to try and control.
He is a good man. He’s kind and caring. A lot like me, but more reserved. You just don't get to see that side or see who he really is unless you get to know him.
I find it funny how our whole little group works. Dean and I are alike, but so are Neo and Axel. Both of them are outspoken, always saying what's on their mind, going with the flow of life, not caring what shit storm they get themselves into.
Me, I’m pretty easygoing, but I'd like to think of myself as a kind and considerate person.
“Come on. Let's get this closed up before you lose any more blood,” I say. Neo and I work together to get Axel up the stairs and into the car.
Neo has been oddly quiet. I thought he would be rubbing it in Axel's face that he got his ass kicked again, and this time by a woman, but I think that what Harlow said got to him as much as it did me.
We both love her. The Harlow she is now, because what the other two don't seem to see is that the old Harlow is still there, just formed and sculpted to have a hard protective shell around her. We see it every time she smiles and laughs with Rosie. Every time Rosie calls her mama, and Harlow beams like she’s being offered the world.
But even if there wasn't anything left of the girl we once loved, we would still fall just as hard for this one. What she does for a living doesn't bother me. The people she eliminates are just a waste of space, who the world would be better off without. At first, I thought she was a heartless person who had nothing left in her soul, but seeing her with Rosie, I was completely wrong.
What I need to do is buckle the fuck up and try to get to know this Harlow better. I want to be friends with her, like Neo. Well, not exactly like Neo. Although, I wouldn’t say no if she asked. I want to be someone she can talk to, and I want to be able to tell her things like I used to. She’s still, to this day, the only person who knows my deepest, darkest, innermost thoughts.
I need to stop hiding behind my daughter, and man the fuck up.
Harlow
FUCK HIM, FUCK ALLof them! That rat bastard is fucking lucky I didn’t end his life right then and there. I’ve killed men for less, but I stopped myself because I could never hurt Rosie like that. Those four men are her whole world. I would just be destroying pieces of her.
But damn him and his stupid, sexy face for judging me. He has no right. He doesn't know me and never tried to. I’m not saying that I want to be his friend, but from the moment he laid eyes on me, I saw nothing but lust and hatred, and it’s fucking with my head. I don't like it. I don’t know where I stand with this man, and I should not give a fuck, but a small part of me does.
I’m not stupid. I know Neo and Cass have stronger feelings, more than just friends type of feelings for me, but nope, I can't deal with that shit. Love leads to heartache, at least that kind does. Keep your heart to yourself, and no one gets hurt. With them, I know where I stand. Dean and Axel are a mystery that I just can't seem to figure out.
As much as I love the fucked up, back-and-forth thing, Axel and I have going on, today he went too far.
And I'm pissed at myself. Pissed for letting him blind me with things I didn't want to feel, memories I never wanted to re-live, and personal thoughts I never wanted to tell.