Chapter Twenty-One
JULIE
I awoke draped over a man’s body. Adam. He’d come back for me last night. He’d practically staggered into my house, and then climbed into bed with me. I think he just needed comfort. Someone to hold. Someone to be with. I was happy to be that for him.
I lay there and listened to him breathing, when I woke up before him. He snored lightly now and then, and I found the sound oddly comforting. Waking up with him was something I could definitely get used to. I waited for the voice to berate me, but it stayed silent. With a relieved sigh, I closed my eyes again, to try and fall back to sleep.
When I did, I could feel his hand stroking my back, and I smiled.
“That feels nice.”
Adam chuckled quietly. “Nice is good. I can make you feel nice in all the right places, you know.”
I giggled, turning my head to look at him, my chin resting on his firm chest.
“Oh god… your face.”
He snorted. “Yeah I know… not much I can do about it, though. I was born with it.”
How could he joke and laugh about it, when it must hurt so much?
“Are you in pain?” I whispered, not wanting to move and lose that contact with him. He shook his head.
“I’m fine, beautiful. How about you? You went quiet on me yesterday.”
I looked down at his chest, not wanting to tell him about the mess of my mind, or how I had quieted the voice for now.
“I was tired.” He groaned, stroking my cheek. “At some point, you need to start being honest with me, and not reverting back to that old chestnut all the time. I won’t judge you. I mean… hell… you aren’t judging me for… well, my face… or the fact that I turned up on your doorstep, and just climbed into your bed, like it’s my right to do it. I’m sorry, by the way, for not giving you a choice. I mean, you had a choice. If you’d said not to, I would have slept on your sofa.”
I liked that he’d just climbed in, without discussing it first. It meant that I didn’t have to risk the voice returning yet.
“I was glad to have the comfort of you in my bed.” I finally said, quietly, so I wouldn’t scare him with my needy behaviour.
He brushed his fingers through my hair, and then down my cheek again.
“Waking up with you pressed up against me, is pretty much my new favourite way of waking up, Julie. I know we barely know each other, but it feels natural to be here with you. If I’m rushing you, or pressuring you, you need to tell me to back off.”
No. Please don’t. I cringed, waiting for the voice to shame me, but it stayed silent.
He was watching me. “I’m worried about you, little angel.”
No. I didn’t want him going there. I had to distract him. I slid my hand down his chest, keeping my eyes on his. When I trailed them down his stomach, toward his hopefully hard cock, he frowned at me.
“What are you up to, Julie?”
I winked, finding the waistband of his boxers, sliding my hand beneath it. He grabbed my wrist, trying to stop me. Well, not trying. He’s bigger and stronger than me. He stopped me.
“Julie, hey… I’m not expecting you to do anything like that. I just want you to know you can talk to me.” When I pulled at his grip, he released me immediately.
I tried to pull the elasticated band away from his waist, to move it away and free his cock for my hands, but he stopped me again.
“What’s going on? Julie, look at me. I don’t want you to do this.”
I felt a wave of shame, and humiliation. Anger, because hadn’t the voice warned me? And I’d been so arrogant that I’d locked it away, to quiet it.
I was going to cry. I could feel it. Pulling away from his grip, I shoved my way out of the bedding, and ran for the bathroom, slamming the door. I slid the lock across, and then I sat on the floor, where I’d bled just last night, and cried. How could he reject me, when he’d chosen my bed? He’d chosen to come to me. He’d hinted at wanting me. So what had changed?
“Julie? I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”