Chapter Fifty-Seven
JULIE
Sleeping in his bed that night was strange. He saw me falter in the doorway, wrapped in my fuzzy kitten pyjamas, and offered to sleep in another room, but I didn’t want him far away from me.
I shook my head, and watched him slide under the duvet. He wore a t-shirt and boxers, like he wanted to protect me from his bare skin. I chewed my lip for a moment, torn between wanting to rush over there, and climb in with him, letting him hold me tight, and wanting to run in the other direction, because maybe this was too soon after all.
Adam slipped back out of the bed, and lay down on top of the covers, then reached over, and lifted the covers on the empty side of the bed. I couldn’t love him more than I did in that moment. He didn’t say a word, didn’t make a big deal of it, he just made it easier for me.
“You’ll get cold.” I said, as I approached the bed, and he shrugged.
“Heating’s on. I’ll be fine.”
I walked away from the bed, out of the room, and down the hall to the spare room I’d been sleeping in. I dragged the double duvet back into the room with me, trying to throw it over Adam, so he’d be warm. He laughed, sitting up to help me lay it over him.
“Come on, little angel. Let’s get some rest.” I nodded, sliding into the bed, and flicking the lamp off. The second the room was dark, I blinked at the darkness, and started to panic. I felt trapped, and alone. Afraid.
“Hey… breathe… just breathe. I’m here, but I’m not going to touch you, okay?” Adam whispered, and I fought the tears that suddenly burned my eyes. I can do this. I can fucking do this.
“Can I have your hand?” I whispered back, and I felt him move. I reached out and found it, wrapping my fingers around his. Almost instantly, I felt calmer. It was Adam. I was safe. He was protecting me.
“Rest, baby. I’ll keep you safe.”
I slept. For the first night since it happened, I slept through the night. I didn’t even have any nightmares that I was aware of.
In the morning, I woke up to find we’d moved in our sleep, and I was no longer holding his hand. I was on my side, and he was close behind me, his hand on my hip. After a brief spear of panic in my chest, I remembered that it was Adam, and that he wouldn’t hurt me. I was safe. Plus there was still a heavy duvet between us.
“You awake?” He asked suddenly, his voice groggy, as he rolled away from me.
“How did you know?” I asked, rolling over to look at him.
He was staring at the ceiling, an arm over his eyes.
“You tensed up when you woke. I didn’t want to crowd you. I guess I can’t keep the protector at bay while I’m asleep.” His lips quirked, and I found myself smiling.
“I’m safe with you, Adam. I know that. It just took me a moment to remember it was you.”
“Always, baby, I promise. I’ll go make coffee, if you want some time to get ready? I think the Bennetts are expecting us sometime before twelve, so I figure we’ll be fashionably late.”
I giggled. “No, we won’t! I’m not giving them a new reason to beat on you.”
He lifted his arm from his face. “No, I understand… that’s your job now.”
I slapped at his chest, and he sighed theatrically. “See what I mean?”
I showered while he made coffee, and I focused on dressing nice. I wanted to look my best for when I saw everyone. They’d seen me at my worst, and I wanted them to see me looking better. I know it had only been a few days since the incident that changed my life forever, but I didn’t want anyone to see me as a victim. Lenore had called me a fighter, and that was what I wanted to be.
The first pang of nerves hit me in the car, on the way to the Bennett house. I suddenly couldn’t get enough air into my lungs, and started to feel dizzy. Adam was suddenly offering his hand, and I realised he’d pulled over, and was focused on me.
“Breathe, baby girl, just breathe. There’s nothing to be afraid of, I promise.”
I gripped his hand like the lifeline it was. It wasn’t that I was afraid of any of the people we were going to see. Maybe it was just the thought of being around a group of people, or being around a group of people who knew. Was it that they knew?
Adam just let me breathe, and kept offering gentle comments like ‘they’re all friends’, and ‘nobody is judging you’. He even offered ‘we’re all so proud of you’. It was helping, enough that my breathing started to return to normal, and I could smile again.
“I’m sorry.” I muttered, as he started the car again.
“Ah ah ah… there will be no apologising, for anything, okay? You feel how you feel, and it’s not wrong, although, if you could promise not to punch me while we’re there, I’d really appreciate it…”