“You. MacArthur. Bathroom. Now.”
Tony and Alina exchange confused looks as I get up and smile reassuringly. “It’s okay,” I whisper. “I’ll be back in a jiff.” I turn to Zara and follow her into the ladies’ room at the other end of the open office area. “What’s wrong?” I ask.
She doesn’t answer right away, though. Once we get inside the bathroom and she makes sure none of the stalls are occupied, she sets her hands on her hips and looks at me like I spilled Kool-Aid on her brand-new cream carpet. “What the hell is wrong with you two?”
“What do you mean?”
“Just because I drafted and signed that NDA between you and Will doesn’t mean I agree with any of this nonsense, Olivia.”
I exhale sharply. “It’s what Will wanted. Nothing to be done about it, so I’m keeping it there,” I say.
“You don’t have to.”
“I thought you were protecting his interests. A public relationship for him right now would damage his stock,” I reply, crossing my arms. I’m trying to pull myself away from Will, not get closer to him, regardless of how deeply I’ve fallen for him. “None of it matters anymore, Zara. I’m having my baby, nobody knows it’s Will’s except you, and I’m leaving the company to work for Lilian after Asclepius is over. It’s easier for everybody involved.”
She shakes her head slowly. “Lord, I was so wrong… Listen, I know Will—maybe better than he knows himself—and I don’t think he fully understands just how much the news of your pregnancy has changed him. I think it’s important for him to reassess his path ahead, but he’s always been a hardheaded mule. I don’t think he’ll listen to me…”
“What, and you think he’ll listen to me?! We’re not even together.”
“But you can still reason with him.”
“I don’twantto!” I growl, feeling a wave of hot tears testing my resolve. “I’m keeping myself as far away from this as I can, because I’m trying to protect and nurture this baby. Everything else fades into the background, including Will’s inability to emotionally commit to me, to… to us. To give us a chance.”
“Given his past, Olivia, I know… deep down, I know he will never forgive himself if his child grows up without a father. If anyone understands that kind of loneliness, it’s Will.”
“And that’s his problem. Not mine,” I reply and walk out of the bathroom, no longer willing to entertain the conversation.
Not halfway through the open office area and I stop, muttering a slew of curses as I have to walk back, my bladder pressed with a sudden urgency. I bump into Zara as she comes out, and she gives me a curious look, likely hoping I might have something more to say.
“I need to pee!” I grumble and hide in one of the stalls.
Soon enough, I’m crying and trying to pull myself together again.
I didn’t need Zara’s change of heart now. I needed her as Will’s fiercest bodyguard, an additional deterrent to stop me from imagining a future with this man. This is just making everything needlessly confusing. I have a child to bring into this world. A heartbreak to recover from. A missed opportunity that I need to learn to let go of.
* * *
Later in the week, while Alina and Tony team up for the baby shower by splitting responsibilities between them like they’re preparing to welcome the next Dalai Lama into the world, I get busy on another side of the Asclepius project—the final presentation and the FEMA demo. There’s an executive board meeting about to start in one of the conference rooms, and I want to have some notes on hand when Will comes out and asks me to join them in order to deliver some updates before the next platform demonstration.
They’re gearing up for the whole FEMA dinner and dance thing. They’ve got agents already lobbying the government for a date. Calls are being made. Elbows rubbed in congress. Will is quietly cutting checks for various senators and representatives currently looking at reelection in their home states. Bucklow Tech is putting everything into pushing Asclepius forward.
I walk past Will’s office just as he comes out, having collected some papers from the printer.
“Olivia,” he says, his voice low as I stop in my tracks, suddenly paralyzed. Even the sound of his voice is enough to overhaul my entire system. I turn around slowly, taking a deep breath as I struggle to keep a neutral expression. “I’m going into an exec meeting shortly. Is there anything you’d like me to tell them?” He measures me from head to toe, his gaze painfully lingering on my baby bump.
“No,” I tell him. “Not yet, anyway. We’re making progress and I’m already working on the FEMA pitch. Later in the month, I will ask you all if there is anything you need me to put into the messaging, in general, but those are just minor details right now.”
“I understand,” he says. “And how are you and Tony getting on?”
“He’s my rock,” I reply. “Definitely a keeper for Bucklow Tech, just as I suspected.”
“And how are you… feeling?” It must’ve taken an insane amount of courage for him to ask me that. This is the first time he’s gotten personal in any way since we agreed to the NDA. That piece of paper still reigns supreme, even when we are both longing so visibly for one another.
I offer a slight shrug. “A little sore, a little heavy… trying to take it one day at a time.”
“Do you need anything? I can get you contacts for the best OB-GYN in the country. A private clinic, home-care services… whatever you need,” he says, his gaze softening as it finds mine.
“I’m okay. Mom is around plenty. I’ve got a good doctor, too. The folks here have been nothing but kind and supportive,” I reply, trying to keep things polite. I’m crying on the inside, but he doesn’t need to know that.