Downstairs, I have coffee and toast and sit out back staring down toward the forest. Nolan joins me, gingerly perching on the chair beside mine. “I hear you were at the party last night.”
“The family talks too much.”
“Yeah, they do. I’m a little worried, though. I know Rian’s your bodyguard, but I hear he went off on those guys for no reason.”
I look down at the ground, replaying the scene in my head. Oscar grabbing my arm and pulling me over to him. Rian losing his shit and beating him down with a shocking viciousness. It happened so fast that I didn’t even understand until it was all over.
“He had his reasons.” I don’t know why I’m defending him. I should throw him under the bus—but I can’t. “Oscar and those guys were getting a little too aggressive. He had my best interests at heart.”
“I’m sure he did.” Nolan sighs and stretches. “It’s just that Rian’s got a reputation in the clan already. He does some good work, and he’s a strong enforcer, but he’s not the most popular guy. I’m just saying, try and keep him under control if you can.”
“Keep him under control?” I look at him like he’s insane, which he definitely is. “That man doesn’t listen to a word I say.”
Nolan grins and shrugs. “Try your best. Anyway, Dad wants to talk to you.”
“About Rian?”
“Nah, something else, and no, I didn’t ask. Just go. He’s in a good mood. Maybe he’s letting you move back into the city.”
“Yeah, right. Don’t get my hopes up.”
“Why are you so eager to leave this paradise?” Nolan gestures at our yard, at the pool, at the woods. “This is a good life.”
“This is a clan life. Looks nice from the outside, but it’s shit on the inside.” I hop to my feet and walk off before my brother can argue.
Dad’s sitting in his office reading the paper. He’s got his glasses on, and I pause in the doorway, surprised at how old he looks in his shirtsleeves and a pair of sweats. I haven’t lived at home in a while, and I got used to only ever seeing him in his suits looking austere and strong. His hair is all gray now, and there are way more wrinkles and more loose skin around his jowls than I remember, like the old man’s going soft. But when he turns to gaze at me with those piercing eyes, I know there’s nothing soft about my father.
“Sit down,” he says, folding his paper and putting it down on his desk.
I lower myself into a chair. “You summoned me, Father?”
He slides his glasses off and polishes them gently on his shirt. “This isn’t going to be an easy conversation, Daley. Can we please approach what I have to say with a measure of civility?”
My stomach instantly clenches. That’s basically like telling me to stay calm while the sky is falling all around. “What happened? Is everyone okay?”
“Everyone’s fine. This is about you.”
I take a breath and let it out. “Okay, what about me? I’m not going to quit my job if that’s what you’re about to say.”
He hesitates, tapping the glasses against his chest before slipping them into his drawer. “No, I didn’t think you would. But Daley, I’ve been considering your situation. You’re twenty-three now and from what I can tell, you don’t have a boyfriend, and you don’t have any prospects.”
“Oh God, no, I’m not doing this.”
I start to stand up but Dad’s firm. “Sit back down and listen to me, Daley.”
I hesitate, hovering, but slowly sink down again. I know what that tone of voice means, and it’s better to obey in a situation like this than it is to fight back.
He sighs, rubbing his eyes. “I love you. I really, truly do. I’ve given you a long leash over the years because neither of us wants you to revert back to the way you were after Megan died.” He hesitates, unable to say the words I know he’s thinking.
Neither of us wants you to spiral into a shame-fueled depression nest with little to no chance of escape this time.
Because that’s the dirty secret we’ve been keeping from everyone else. That’s the truth about our arrangement. Dad is so scared of me hurting myself that he was willing to go against all his clan instincts and let me have a normal life.
Which is just so absurd, it’s almost obscene. If I hadn’t spiraled so deep and so dark, I don’t think he ever would’ve given a damn what I had to say, no matter how loudly I screamed it in his face. If he hadn’t found me after three weeks of not leaving my room surrounded by my own filth and unwilling to so much as lift my head, then I don’t think any of this would’ve happened.