Though as we talk, I find myself glancing back at the door. I’m looking for Rian, even though I know I won’t see him. After the night I blew up at him, he’s been keeping his distance as much as possible. We talk when we have to, and he’s always lurking right behind me or just at my hip during my morning commute, but he hasn’t barged into my apartment in a few days. So that’s an improvement.
Rian’s off tonight. His replacement is a guy named Daniel, but he’s been missing since I got out of work. I’m not sure what the deal is there, but I don’t worry about it too much. I’m in a crowded public place in one of the most heavily populated sections of the city. What could possibly go wrong?
A whole lot of things, obviously, but I want to be normal, and being normal involves not worrying about getting murdered all the time.
After another hour of small talk and another glass of wine, I decide to call it a night. “I’m exhausted,” I say, standing up from the bar after paying my tab. “Seriously, how do people do this every day?”
Abbey laughs and shrugs. “You get used to it, I guess. Is this your first office job?”
“Yeah, I graduated from my MBA program not that long ago. Still getting used to everything, I guess.”
“Don’t sweat it. You’ll be fine. If you ever need anything, don’t hesitate to call.”
“Thanks, that’s really nice. I might take you up on that one day.” I wave and head to the door, lingering for a moment just outside on the sidewalk. It’s a crisp night, comfortable and quiet. I hug my work bag tighter against my side, feeling the weight of the laptop and charger in there. Back in the bar, my coworkers keep on drinking and laughing together, and I smile a bit as some warmth fills my cheeks.
I can have that. I can do this. It’s a normal life with normal friends, and it’s mine if I just keep reaching for it. I’ve struggled for so long and worked so hard to keep myself away from the clans, and now it feels like my dream of living without the violence and death that stalks my family might become a reality. I want that world so badly it hurts, and as I turn away from the bar and begin toward the subway a few blocks farther, I wonder if I’ve already achieved it.
If maybe, after all my struggle and heartache and anger, maybe I’ve finally reached a point where I can be content with who I am.
I’m ruined, angry, lonely, and sad, but at least I’m me.
I walk fast, head down. Ever since the night Rian pinned me up against the wall outside of my apartment, I haven’t seen any more shady SUVs following me around. Rian hasn’t mentioned anything either, and I’m starting to think that whole thing was overblown. Can I really be sure that SUV was trying to run me over? I mean, it happened so fast. It could’ve just been a random jerk running a red light.
Or maybe it was Rian trying to scare me, or maybe it was real but the Turks lost interest in following me around. They must’ve realized I live a boring and normal life. Maybe they understand I’m not a threat.
But as the subway draws closer, shadows disengage from a nearby alley and begin to walk behind me.
It’s the sort of thing most people wouldn’t bother to notice. Cities are full of people coming and going, walking and running, moving all over the place. It’s orchestrated chaos, and it’s easy to ignore the little motions, to chalk it up to chance or whatever.
But I’m not most people and warning alarms blare in my head.
I feel them more than see them. I walk faster. The subway entrance is up ahead, the stairs jutting down into the earth, but I hesitate. This stairwell is far from the main Suburban Station. Underneath this area, the hallways snake and twist and turn, and there are a lot of empty, quiet places where a girl like me might disappear. There won’t be many people in those halls at this hour. It’ll be like a tomb.
I walk past the entrance. There’s another stairway directly under City Hall, and it’ll be much more crowded there. People mean safety, and while I’m probably overreacting, I can’t help myself.
My heart’s racing, and as I cross over another block, the shadows keep following. They’re inching closer, slowly but surely, and I abandon my plan to reach City Hall. I’m still a few blocks away, and there’s nothing between here and there to protect me. The high-rises are all empty and dark, the workers all gone home for the night, and there aren’t many bars in this section.