Chapter TWENTY-EIGHT ~ Unthinkable
The paramedics arrivedin the blink of an eye. They performed CPR on his lifeless body as soon as they laid eyes on him. Clearing me out of the way as I cry out for him and they press against his chest. Repeating the powerful motions as they tilt his chin and breathe air into his body. Willing him back to life even if his body didn’t want to. Watching as they lift his body onto a stretcher and rush him away with someone on top of him performing the lifesaving method. Mindy followed behind in panic and went with him in the ambulance. Drake listed her as his emergency contact if there was ever a medical emergency. The remaining paramedics ask me if he takes any medications and what they were. Feeling my feet fly down the hallway towards his office drawer and knowing they would be there. All the medications he tried to hide and kept out of sight. Grabbing them frantically as I ran back down the hallway and handed it over to them. My makeup smeared down my face as I ran my hands over it and peered down at the stains. Running for my vehicle as fast as I could because I need to get out of here. Reaching into my purse and desperately trying to find my keys. Grabbing hold of them, pressing the key fob repeatedly and hearing my car chirp with a response. Grasping the door handle and falling into the driver’s seat. Throwing my head back against the headrest and taking slow, deep breaths. Trying my best to calm myself, but my unsteady breathing won’t stop. Closing my eyes as the events of everything plays out before me and I’m left with regret. I’m anything other than calm.
I’m a complete mess.
“Pull it together, Gemma...” I breathed out an unsteady breath, opened my eyes and pulled down the visor.
My reflection peered back at me and I’m almost unrecognizable. My dried tears plastered on my face along with this morning’s makeup. The makeup I put on to maintain a strong front. Ready to start the day head on and move forward. Away from my newest nightmare, but creating a new one. Little did I know pushing Drake the way I did could cause this. I didn’t want any of this and it’s all my fault. I should’ve listened and stayed away from work instead of arguing my side. I should’ve done what he asked because all he wanted to do was protect me. My swollen and bloodshot eyes filled with tears once again. Hating myself for what I’ve done when this all would’ve turned out differently. But now Drake, the man I love, is barely clinging to life, and I put him there.
“I’m a selfish idiot!” I cried out in my silent car and beat my hands against the steering wheel.
Angry with myself for what I’d done and knowing deep down something was wrong with him. Thinking back to those times where his body would vibrate and he pushes me away. He was so upset with me finding his medicine drawer that he clearly keeps hidden. Just like his real self, keeping pieces of himself hidden away from everyone. Trying to distract me from the truth and I should’ve known better. I should’ve pushed for answers, not just for me, but for his beautiful daughter, who would come home soon from school. Only to find her daddy not there.
I need to get out of here.
Hope needed me, and Drake would want me there with her when she found out the truth. He’d want me to explain what’s going on and be by her side when he couldn’t. This was the least I could do for him after everything. But I needed to pull myself together for her. I needed to clean up this mess of myself that I’ve made. I wiped my tears angrily away with my sleeve and started the engine. Hearing it roar to life as I step on the gas and speed out of there. The tires squealed in response and I never looked back.
***
AFTER I GATHERED MYSELFand cleaned up at my house, I headed straight towards Drake’s. Hope was going to be home soon, and I needed to be there in time. Her father wouldn’t be there smiling at her return from a busy school day. He wouldn’t get to bask in her upbeat excitement about how her day went or see that precious smile. Tears formed in my eyes at the thought, but I dared not to let them fall. Drake would want me to be strong for his daughter, and I needed to do everything in my power to do just that.
I pulled into the driveway just as my cell phone blared at me to answer it. I fumbled to grasp it and dropped it on the floor. “Shit...”
My nerves got the best of me, and I retrieved it just in time. “Hello?”
“Gemma, it’s Mindy.” Mindy answered in a soft, quiet tone.
“Mindy, what’s going on? Please, tell me he’s going to be, okay?” I pleaded as I clenched the steering wheel and blinked several times.
“Unfortunately, I can’t tell you that. They resuscitated Drake on the way to the hospital and as soon as we arrived, I had to sign forms for him to have emergency surgery.” Mindy explained in a grave tone that made my body tremble with uncertainty.
I couldn’t imagine being in her position. The things she had to see, deal with, and hear. It was hard enough from my end, but I couldn’t possibly imagine. Drake and Mindy must’ve had a stronger connection than I’d realized since he left her in charge of him medically. Having worked for him for so many years, that trust must’ve built overtime. But poor Mindy didn’t ask for any of this and I wish I could take her place.
“I’m so sorry for all of this. It’s all my fault and I shouldn’t have pressed Drake the way I did.” I apologized, and it was the least I could do.
“Gemma, you did nothing wrong, and you didn’t know this would happen.” Mindy replied and sighed into the phone. “Besides, how would you know that something was wrong with him? Drake’s always been so secretive that I didn’t even know.”
“What’s wrong with him?” I asked nervously as I held my breath and awaited her answer.
“Drake needed to have emergency surgery to fix his heart valve. He has heart valve disease and suffered a stroke because he left it untreated.” Mindy explained quickly, and I couldn’t believe it.
Drake had a stroke.
He almost died.
Tears filled my eyes, but I had to keep them at bay. “Why on earth would he do something like that?”
After everything he’s been through with his wife, all the suffering and grief. Closing himself off to the world, only to leave it with a cold and heartless self. He couldn’t leave Hope like that.
He wouldn’t, would he?
“I don’t know, Gemma, there are many hospital records of him being here, but refusing care.” Mindy responded, and I could imagine the look of concern written across her face. “Let’s just hope that he pulls through and everything will be okay. Heaven forbid that little girl loses another parent.”
I closed my eyes and clenched the phone tight. Pressing my lips together and wanting to respond, but I just couldn’t. I had no words left because Hope losing her father was just unspeakable. She needed her daddy, and she didn’t need to lose anymore. Her innocent and young life has endured enough. Drake loves his daughter and would move heaven on earth for her.
I just couldn’t understand why he’d do this to her?
Why wouldn’t he receive a surgery that could save his life?
Suddenly, Hope’s school bus pulled up in front of Drake’s house. “Mindy, I’ve got to go. Hope’s bus just arrived home.”
I hung up the phone quickly after a hurried goodbye with Mindy and she promised to keep me informed. The hospital was no place for Hope right now, and I intended to keep her safe. She didn’t need to see her father suffering like this and no child ever should.
I exited my car quickly and walked slowly towards Hope. Dreading everything I was about to speak and wishing I could take all the pain away. Her sweet little face appeared as she waved at the bus driver and bounced down the steps. Loving that sweet smile capturing her innocence, and I hate myself for having to break it. Her smile grew brighter as she saw me and ran towards me, but stopped. The smile I loved so much disappeared and turned into a confused frown. Looking around for her daddy as I wander closer and close the distance.
“Where’s my daddy, Gemma?” Hope asked with confusion as her eyes narrowed and her frown grew wider. “He promised to be home when I got off the bus today?”
“I know, sweetie, and he would be here...” I breathed as I leaned down to her level and placed her hands in mine. “But he couldn’t make it today.”
“I-I don’t understand what happened? Why isn’t he here?” Hope breathed as her voice trembled and she squeezed my hands.
“Your daddy’s heart needs to be fixed, and he has to be in the hospital.” I breathed as the words fell out and I knew she needed to hear close to the truth, but not everything.
“But mommy went there and they couldn’t fix her. D-does this mean that d-daddy, t-that daddy will... Die?” Hope stammered as tears filled her eyes and her tiny arms wrapped around me. “P-please tell me that daddy won’t die?”
She clung to me as her words choked out of her and tears fell. I held onto her tightly and lifted her off of the ground with her tiny legs wrapped around me. Holding on and never letting go as her cries fill the air.
“Your daddy will not die because he’s going to do everything in his power to come back to us.” I whispered through my own tears and kissed her head. “Everything’s going to be okay.”
But will it ever be okay again?