Nevertheless, it didn’t look as if Bain had an interest in me now. He was the only one in this room that wasn’t looking at me or Cade. He and I were like a car crash—no one could turn away, even though they knew they were invading. Bain’s short, cropped head of hair was tipped down as he stared at his phone with a furrowed brow. His jaw was as tight as a bolt, but he didn’t even spare me a glance. A part of me wanted to go sit with him because everywhere else I looked, I felt seen. And I knew my peers could likely smell my fear from a mile away even if I did have a straight spine and an impassive look on my face. I used to wear my emotions on my sleeve, but now, I knew when to hide them.
Instead of giving Cade or anyone else any more to feed off of, I turned my attention from Bain, pulled out the long bench at the empty table that I now considered mine, and sat down. I pulled my tray of food that I knew I wouldn’t eat closer to me, and slowly, chatter began to fill the large room again, and my heart slowed from a marathon-like pace to a light jog.
Fear and anxiousness slowly left the base of my throat as I flung my hair over my shoulder, and the second I felt myself relax, I peeked to my left to make sure Cade had moved from the doors to his seat beside Isaiah, but when I snagged his attention again, the nervousness was right back to where it was before.
Why hasn’t he moved? He was just staring at me, unmoving, like a blood-thirsty wolf ready to strike.
I turned away, and not even two seconds later, I jumped when I heard the creak of the door again. The slam of it echoed throughout the entire dining hall. A fork fell and clamored to the ground, and when I realized it had fallen from my shaking hand, I cursed under my breath and bent down to snag it, only to see it had already been picked up. My head tilted, and I was met with two warm green eyes that held entirely too much knowledge of me in their depths.
“Headmaster Ellison,” I breathed out. “I didn’t see you there.”
Headmaster Ellison had always been on my side. He’d always been on every student’s side, and when I saw him again, just a few weeks ago, covered in filth from running away from the psych hospital with Tobias, I couldn’t deny the comfort that filled me. But that may only have been because I had been starved of parental figures my entire life. I take daddy issues to an entirely new level.
No one I knew had ever been able to truly relate to me because I’d never had parents. I’d never known unconditional love, and even though the other girls at the orphanage didn’t have parents either, they always got adopted, and I was always left behind. To love and to lose was a burden, but to never have loved or been loved at all was even worse.
“Yes, well, there was quite the elephant in the room a few moments ago. I won’t hold it against you.” Headmaster Ellison winked, and I felt the tiniest smile drawing itself on my face. “I just came by to give you this.” He held out a piece of paper in between us, and I took it slowly, glancing at the contents. “Your new schedule. I know you’ve missed a few lessons this year, but your teachers are willing to give you extra credit or even tutoring if you need help catching up.”
I shook my head. “That probably won’t be necessary.” I peeked up at him, trailing past his striped tie. “There was a library at the hospital. I spent most of my time there.” When I wasn’t doped up on medication that I didn’t need or sneaking through the halls to find a way out.
Headmaster Ellison stiffened at the word hospital, and I quickly snatched the paper and laid it beside my tray. “Did you make su—”
“Yes,” the headmaster interrupted me, and I was thankful he didn’t make me say it aloud again. It was already hard enough asking him face to face to take me out of Cade’s classes, if I were placed in any to begin with. The soft glint in his eyes that morning we’d discussed coming back to St. Mary’s softened even further as he studied me in my vulnerable state. “If you need anything else, Journey, please do not hesitate to come to my office. At any time of the day.” He lowered closer to me, placing a gentle hand on my shoulder in what I felt to be a fatherly gesture. “You are safe here, and I promise you that I will not let anyone take you away again, as long as you can promise me that you’ll be open with me, yes?”
I knew why he was being so secretive with our conversation. The entire situation was so taboo and fragile, and it was likely something the headmaster never wanted to repeat in his life—ever. Neither did I.
The bell rang above our heads, and the headmaster quickly took his hand off my shoulder. He gave me a tight smile. “Have a great day, Journey. Don’t forget, you do have friends here, okay?”
He turned around without giving me a chance to respond, and my eyes went directly to Sloane. She was in between Mercedes and Gemma, smiling at something one of them had said. I shifted my hesitant gaze over one more spot and held back a smile when I saw Isaiah’s hand creeping underneath Gemma’s short, plaid skirt, and I had to fight a laugh when I watched the headmaster hastily make a curve to the left to smack Isaiah on the back of the head.
Isaiah’s voice carried all the way over to me. “What the fuck, Tate.”
The headmaster’s face was stern, but he stood in such a lax manner. “Hands to yourself, Isaiah, and quit calling me by my first name.”
Jutting laughter fell upon Brantley and Shiner, two of the four Rebels. I didn’t miss the fact that Cade was nowhere to be seen.
Relief filled me, but the disappointment buried deep beneath layers and layers of protection was like a slap to my face.