Everything’s going to be okay. You’ve got this.
The hoodie and Ryan’s smell both comfort and torment me during my drive. Back at my dad’s house, I manage to sneak in without running into him or Sharon, and I’m beyond grateful for that. I’m not sure how stable I am after tonight. The second I’m in my room, I grab my laptop and search for flights. By some miracle, there’s a seat left for tomorrow that doesn’t break the bank, but then I hover over the “complete booking” button instead of pushing it.
Should I really leave?
If that blogger catches you, everything will be ruined.
Images of my dad and Ryan finding out about this, and Ryan being kicked off the team and not wanting anything to do with me, flash through my mind. My heart races so fast, it hurts a little in my chest.
I can’t do this. Not until I’ve got everything more under control.
My finger lands on the button in one hard slam, and I recoil at the congratulations on the screen. It’s time to go back home, whatever that means. Lately, it’s been a place that feels pretty damn lonely. But it’s better to be lonely than to be the reason Ryan’s dream is taken away from him.
Stop thinking about it. You’ve got ten seconds to snap out of it.
That’s one deep inhale and exhale.
Then I jump up and get my suitcase to distract myself with packing.
I’ve got most of my clothes tossed in just as there’s a knock on the door.
My dad’s in the open doorway. Huh. When did he get here? And did I seriously barge in here earlier without closing the door? I’m slowly losing it.
He’s leaning against the doorframe, studying me with a frown on his face. “What are you doing?”
I swallow and try to put on a smile. “I booked a flight home for tomorrow.”
“You’re leaving?”
I nod. “Mrs. Zimmerman said she needs me to get Bacon. Apparently, he’s been causing havoc at her place.”
Another lie. Ugh, I suck.
“Hmmm.” My dad’s bushy eyebrows furrow, and I can’t tell if he believes me or not. “Fine. But I’ll drive you to the airport.”
There’s no way I’ll argue with him about this. Not that I really want to anyway. “Thanks, Dad.”
He grunts in response and gives me a once-over, stopping at my sweatshirt before zeroing in on my face. “Everything all right?”
I nod, knowing I won’t be able to fully lie my way out of this. My dad sees too much. “Just drained, that’s all.”
“I know it hasn’t been easy. Is there anything we can do to help?” He walks over to me and gives me a side hug.
“Not really. Just kind of have to get through it, I guess.”
That’s a way to think about it. If he only knew.
Maybe I should tell him before I leave?
You can’t. You’ll lose whatever it is Ryan and you have.
“Just let us know. Sharon and I are always just a phone call away.” He kisses my forehead. “Any news on the job front?”
A job. My mind has been so occupied with Ryan and the baby, I haven’t even thought about what I’m going to do about a job.
“I applied for a bunch of administration and finance jobs, so hopefully something will work out.”
“They’d be stupid not to take you.” He squeezes my shoulder before stepping away.