I nod and grab my phone out of my purse, scrolling through my camera roll. “It was the day after I found out I was pregnant. I was in the living room, watching the snow fall when I suddenly had this urge to go outside. I was freezing my butt off, but a couple blocks away from home, you were suddenly right in front of me on a billboard.”
I finally find the right photo and turn my phone around to show him.
Ryan cringes. “Ah yes, it never gets old seeing photos of myself on billboards.”
“Stop it, you look great.”
“Yeah?”
Did it get hot in here all of a sudden? “Definitely.”
He clears his throat. “So you saw me on the billboard? Then what?”
Then I saw my dad is your coach and I almost had a heart attack.
But I don’t say that.
“Mmm, then I went back home and searched for the campaign to find your name. Once I found that, I googled you.” I wince. “Gosh, I hope that doesn’t sound creepy. Anyway, I found out where you trained and made plans to come out here to tell you.”
His eyes widen. “You flew across the country for me?”
I shift around in my seat, playing with the pop grip on the back of my phone. “Well, kinda. You deserved to know. And I have family out here, so I thought I could kill two birds with one stone.”
It’s not a full-on lie, yet my anxiety seems to think so, alongside my guilt that’s settling in my stomach like a large boulder. I don’t do well with lies, never have, but it’s necessary. I’m ninety-nine percent sure it wouldn’t go over well if I told Ryan who my dad is. At this point, it would only complicate everything. I was planning on talking to Ryan first before telling my dad, but now that I not only know about their rocky relationship, but also saw it firsthand, I can’t do it. Every time I think about telling either of them, I feel like I can’t breathe properly.
I can’t ruin Ryan’s relationship with my dad. It might be rocky now, but if they find out about this pregnancy, it will only multiply their tension. My dad is one of the best swim coaches out there, and Ryan needs him for his career comeback. Hopefully they’ll figure things out soon, so I can tell them both.
Ryan clears his throat. “Thanks for going through all the trouble of finding me and flying out here so you can tell me. I appreciate it.”
“I had to.”
Taking a moment to let his words sink in, I’m surprised by how much they have calmed the whirlwind inside me. It was such a shock to not only find out I’m pregnant, but then to also constantly wonder if Ryan would even want to hear from me, not to mention how he would react to the news.
A big lump forms in my throat at the fear that still has a tight grip on me.
Something inside me takes over, something primal and protective, and I stare at Ryan, trying to gauge his feelings by simply watching him.
I practically burn an imaginary hole in the side of his head until he tilts his head my way. “Ask me.”
How on earth did he know that I have a burning question on the tip of my tongue?
I clear my throat. “Do you want to have the baby? Like, I know this wasn’t planned, we both know this, but do you actually want to be a part of the baby’s life? Because if I didn’t make myself clear, I am going to have this baby. This is obviously a shock, so I totally get it if you need some time to think about all of this. Just don’t make promises that you don’t plan on keeping, please. If you don’t—”
Ryan’s hand touches mine, and he gives it a little squeeze, stopping my verbal diarrhea. I suck in a deep breath, glad I got that off my chest at least.
“Listen to me, Harper. I’d never abandon my child, you hear me? Never. It doesn’t matter if it was planned or not, we made a baby together, and I’m here to support you however I can.”
When I only stare at him, he squeezes my hand again. “Did you get that, Harper? Nod once if you did.”
I nod like a good little robot, and one corner of his mouth lifts in a half-smile.
“I’m glad. This will all take some getting used to, so just let me know what you need from me.”
I nod again and yawn. Lifting my free hand, I cover my mouth and blink several times. To say these pregnancy hormones have kicked my energy levels in the butt is an understatement. I’ve never been this exhausted in my entire life, and my anxiety levels and crappy sleep have only made it worse.
“Sorry, apparently pregnancy exhaustion is no joke. I’ve turned into an eighty-year-old overnight who can fall asleep at any moment.”
“Don’t apologize. Are you feeling okay otherwise?”