"Yeah," he responded distractedly as we made dinner later that evening.
"What would you think of moving in with me... permanently?"
My question hung in the air, my breath catching in my throat as I waited for him to answer. He stopped mixing the bowl on the counter and slowly turned toward me. I held his gaze, trying not to let my own feelings get in the way or how upset I would feel if he said no. After the longest minute spent regarding me, he gave me an answer.
"I think I'd like that a lot."
Letting my emotions free, the tears started to fall and I pulled him into a hug, holding him tight to me. Monroe walked into the kitchen at that second, concern lifting his brow at our display of emotion.
"Everything okay?"
"Yeah, everything's great."
"If everything is great, why are you both crying?"
Looking down at Jude, I realized he also had tears streaming down his face, but I didn't want to embarrass him, so I ignored them. "Because I'm a sap, and Jude is indulging me, so I don't feel embarrassed."
"Okay. Well, what are you sap about?"
"I just asked if Jude wanted to move in."
"Oh," a smile broke out on Monroe's face, "well, what did he say?"
"Well, naturally, he said he had a lot of offers."
"Understandably so. He's a cool dude."
"So, he needed to weigh his options and make the best decision for himself."
"Sensible request," Monroe agreed, going along with my game. Jude couldn't hold his laughter back at this point, and tears of joy rolled down his face now.
"Yep, I agree. So, I told him he'd be doing me a favor, really. I'm kind of lonely in this big place by myself, and it would be nice to have someone around. And Jude being the nice young man he is, said that, of course, he'd help me out."
"Ah, well, that's kind of you, Jude."
"Yep, that's me. Kind."
His response had us all losing it, holding our bellies as we laughed. When we were able to calm down, we finished up dinner and sat around the table to eat it. It was the first meal I'd ever eaten here. As we all joked around the table telling funny stories, I realized how foreign it would've been a month ago.
"I'm stuffed. I don't know what it was about the dish, but it was the best meal I think I've ever had," Jude confessed.
Smiling at Monroe, we shared a look at being able to give him that.
"Well, it's simple. The special ingredient made it the best," Monroe provided.
"Special ingredient?" Jude and I both asked.
"Yeah, you don't know about the special ingredient?"
"No, I guess we don't. Are you going to tell us, or do we have to beg? I'm starting to think you really are the worst storyteller and only win your cases because you drag them out so long they give up."
Monroe laughed, only increasing my ire at his secret-keeping. At my glare, he finally gave in, holding his hands up.
"Okay, okay. The special ingredient was making it together. Any meal made with someone you care about always tastes better. It's a fact. Some chefs say it's love, others say it boils down to someone to double-check things and some even say that it's just more fun with another person. Take your pick." He shrugged. "But that's why it's the best meal because you had the special ingredient. Each other."
Monroe's words settled over the room, and I looked to Jude. He looked nervous like I might deny it. Grabbing his hand, I squeezed it and gave him a soft smile.
"That makes perfect sense to me. To special ingredients."
"To special ingredients," they both chorused. We raised our glasses, clinking them together, and I wrapped myself in this feeling. This was the life I'd wanted. One with belonging, connection, and trust.
Empowerment surged through me at the realization I'd made it happen for myself. The darkness inside of me receded back to the shadows, appeased for the time to let the light have its moment.