Tears edged in the corners of my eyes, his words piercing my heart with their honesty. I couldn't fault him for being upfront with me. Not once had he ever misrepresented himself. He'd taken a chance to be vulnerable in the hopes I'd see it for what it was. His truth. If more relationships started this way, I bet there would be less heartbreak.
"Okay."
"Okay?" Hope shined through Monroe's voice, his face a beautiful reflection of his heart. He was breathtaking and I'd never paid attention before. Monroe was like pure sunshine and it called to my darkness.
"Yeah, okay," I chuckled. "I can't say it as poetic, but I'd like to take a chance with you too."
"Thank you, Lo. I don't know what the future holds, but I know I'd like you to be in it. If that includes Wells as well, then I'd be the happiest person on the planet."
"You'd want to be with both of us? Not just with him?" I asked, a gasp clogging my throat at the possibility.
"Are you kidding me? That's every fantasy right there."
"You know, you might've led with that," I teased, playfully shoving his arm.
"Nah, it was perfect the way it was."
"Yeah, it kind of was."
Matching his smile, I leaned in and gently kissed him. He returned the kiss, his lips perfectly fitting mine. Sounds from the kitchen had me pulling back before I deepened it and found myself in a precarious situation with my teenage ward.
"My turn to be vulnerable."
His hand cupped my cheek, his fingers in my hair from our kiss. I hadn't noticed he'd moved; it had felt so natural. His thumb swiped a tear I hadn't known escaped, and I blinked to keep the rest at bay. He gently nodded, his focus seared on me.
"It wasn't fair of me to get upset about Wells. You guys have a history, and it makes sense. I just got a little jealous, sad I'd miss out on a guy like you. Yet here I am seeing other people and getting angry with you. I'm sorry."
"You have nothing to be sorry about, babe. You already told me, remember?"
"Yeah, it's just, I don't know, complicated. I don't even know where to start with it all."
"Start with what you're thinking and go from there."
"Okay, so, there are two guys I've kind of been out with…"
As we sat on the couch in one another's embrace, I shared the things on my heart I'd barely admitted to myself. When our stomachs growled an hour later, I realized the time, and we both decided to call off work. Monroe went across the hall and retrieved some clothes for Jude to borrow. He'd been so quiet after he left the kitchen, I'd forgotten he was here. I found him in the spare room, lying on his stomach, focused on his phone.
"Hey."
"Hey, I hope I didn't interrupt anything."
"Nope, you didn't." I braced myself in the doorway, trying to give him privacy. "I've decided to take the day off so I can help you figure out some things. Monroe's grabbing some clothes for you."
He sat up, worry crossing his face. "You don't have to do that."
"I know. I want to."
I found myself sticking out my tongue at him, laughing as I went to make eggs for Monroe and I. It was the only thing I wouldn't burn. Monroe ended up spending the day with us and helped me navigate the legal things I needed to do to help Jude. We went to the market to get groceries, my condo not having a lot to feed a teenager. The Lean Cuisines and moldy bread weren't part of a balanced diet for a boy, nor were they appetizing. I couldn't blame him, they weren't to me either, hence why they were still in the freezer.
I managed to buy him some clothing so he wouldn't have to keep wearing Monroe's. Jude was hesitant to accept anything, but the fact he currently had nothing helped. It was an accept it or go naked situation, and his concern for his modesty won out in the end.
By the end of the day, I had an epiphany, and with it, made a major decision. For the past two years, I'd been grieving the life I'd thought was perfect. The dreams for the future and life I was intended to have. But it was all shit. All of it.
Life wasn't meant to be perfect. The more chaotic my life became lately, the happier I was becoming. My whole life, I'd done it all wrong, and then when I had a redo I'd pushed everyone away. I should've been pulling them into my life. But perhaps, it was the people in my life now who made all the difference. Individuals that also knew pain, and understood the darkness, yet still chose to risk it.
Between five very different men, two crazy new girlfriends, and two teens, I learned the actual definition of living life, and it had nothing to do with perfection. In fact, it was quite the opposite. They were the true warriors.
"Hey, Jude?"