She needed to decide what she was doing.
For Jordan’s sake, she needed to be clear about the future. And she needed to speak to him about it, before he got the wrong idea.
Doubts and worries snagged at her mind. Her heart wanted her to let go. To enjoy the ride and admit how wildly in love with Ra’if she was. But her head, and the part of her heart that was purely reserved for Jordan, knew that she couldn’t.
It would be too selfish.
She deserved happiness, but she needed to derive that happiness from what she had, for the moment.
With a growing sense of panic, she realised how stupid it was to have let herself fall so hard for him. He was a foreign Prince, and he would one day return to his kingdom, to his family, and when that time came, she would need to be able to move on and forget about him. But how could she?
“Mama?”
She blinked, her eyes clouded as they dropped to her son. “Are you okay?”
“Yes, I’m fine.” Her smile felt tight on her lips. “Do you want to come and have some lunch?”
He looked at her for a minute. “Can I play in that room again?”
“Yeah, of course. You’re not hungry?”
“Nup.”
She pulled a face. “Probably because you ate your body weight in royal icing.”
But he didn’t hear; he was already scampering down the corridor, eager to return to whatever fun was absorbing him in the games room.
She
watched him disappear, then made her way slowly back to the dining room. How could she calmly accept that there was no future with Ra’if? She’d known him a little under a month and he was as essential to her now as air was.
It wasn’t only that she needed him; she breathed him.
Olivia was alone at the table.
“Phone call,” she said apologetically when Melinda returned. “You know what he’s like.”
A frown dragged the corner of her mouth downwards. “It’s funny, I don’t think I’ve seen him on the phone once,” she said truthfully.
Olivia practically had to scrape her chin off the table. She watched as Melinda returned to her seat and lifted a glass of water to her mouth.
“He must be serious about you,” she said finally, almost as if she were speaking to herself. “Ra’if’s so busy. I never get time with him that doesn’t involve repeated breaks so he can speak to someone or other.” She furrowed her brow lost in thought. “What’s less clear to me is how you feel.”
Melinda’s fingers tingled and she felt the water glass slipping from her hand. It dropped to the table, teetered on the edge, and then fell to the carpeted floor.
“Shoot,” she muttered, pushing her chair back and crouching down. The water had made a large puddle shape.
“Leave it,” Olivia said calmly, a hint of compassion flavouring the words. “I’ll have a servant attend to it shortly.”
Melinda swallowed. Servants. That was the world these people lived in. Servants!
“That’s okay.” She reached up and grabbed a napkin, laying it over the wet patch.
“I shocked you.”
Melinda stood, a little uneasily. “No. Yes.” She sent Olivia a dubious smile. “I don’t know how I feel about Ra’if. I can’t make sense of it. So it’s no surprise you can’t either.”
Olivia nodded. “I love him very much, you know.”