He didn’t sound annoyed, only curious, but her insides twisted with guilt.
‘I made her do it.’ She couldn’t bear it if Lisa lost her job over this. ‘I wanted to talk to you about Nico,’ she said, even though they both knew that was hardly the whole truth.
‘What about Nico?’
‘We got the all-clear from the hospital this afternoon. I thought you should know, seeing as you’re such a large part of his recovery.’
The startled pleasure in his expression did nothing to ease the sharp feeling of fear and inadequacy. She didn’t want to like him. Hadn’t wanted this to mean more than sex...but somehow it did.
‘Hardly,’ he said. ‘But thanks for letting me know. Although I’m not sure that required a personal visit.’
If he was teasing her it was hard to tell. As Lisa had said, he was a man capable of keeping his emotions guarded better than Fort Knox. But she thought she caught a flicker of amusement in his eyes. It gave her the courage to say what she should have said to him when she’d arrived.
‘That’s not the only reason I wanted to tell you in person. Nico asks about you constantly.’
‘Seriously?’ He sounded sceptical. ‘He’s only met me once.’
‘I know, but he’s got a little fixated on you.’ She ducked her head, concentrating on the wad of towelling gripped in her fingers. Nico wasn’t the only one who’d got fixated on Lukas Blackstone.
She forced her gaze back to his. ‘You’re his only male relative. And he knows the part you played in making him well again. I can’t keep telling him you’re too busy every time he asks to see you. Eventually he’ll figure out you don’t want to visit him. And then he’ll start to wonder why. And I don’t want him to think less of himself if he does.’
He watched her for the longest time, the knowledge in his eyes disconcerting. The flutter of panic that she mi
ght have said too much was even more so. Did he somehow know that her own father had deserted her and her sister?
But, as much as she wanted to, she refused to relinquish eye contact under that searching gaze.
Don’t be ridiculous! How can he know? And, anyway, this is not about you—it’s about Nico.
‘I’m not cut out to be anyone’s father,’ he said at last.
He’d said something similar once before, and she’d accepted it without question then; this time she couldn’t allow herself to be deterred so easily. For Nico’s sake.
‘No one’s asking you to be his father, Lukas. But would it really be so hard to at least visit him occasionally? When you’re in London? It would mean so much to him. And it would let him know he’s wanted.’
It was Lukas’s turn to look away—but not before she’d seen the uneasy expression. And forced herself to acknowledge a reality that had become blurred by their lovemaking.
Not lovemaking. Sex.
This was hard for Lukas. For whatever reason, he clearly didn’t want to make a personal connection with the boy whose life he’d saved. His own brother’s son. She needed to remember that, before she allowed the traitorous emotions that had crippled her once before when her father had rejected her to get out of hand again.
He sighed and scrubbed his hands down his face but, as he did so, it drew her attention to the scar that marred his cheek.
And the yearning she’d tried so hard to ignore, to pretend didn’t exist, made her heart lurch into her throat.
Maybe he was invulnerable now, but he hadn’t always been.
He checked his watch. ‘Okay,’ he said, his reluctance palpable. ‘I’ll visit the boy tomorrow morning, if you promise not to make too big a deal of it.’
‘I won’t,’ she said, knowing full well that Nico would make a big enough deal of it for both of them. ‘And thank you,’ she added, knowing she’d won a major concession. Maybe Fort Knox wasn’t as well fortified as it appeared.
But before she could process that disturbing thought he added, ‘Talking of not wanting to be a father, I didn’t use a condom earlier. Is that going to be a problem?’
The direct question—and the abrupt change of subject—left her reeling. The blush became radioactive. ‘No,’ she blurted out.
His gaze narrowed, as if he could see right through the show of bravado. ‘Are you sure?’ he asked. ‘You’re not exactly the most experienced woman I’ve ever slept with.’
‘Yes, of course I’m sure,’ she said, feeling defensive—and hopelessly gauche and unsophisticated. ‘Just because I’m a virgin, it doesn’t make me an imbecile,’ she added, protesting a little too much.