‘Before?’ he said. He didn’t sound angry or upset, simply surprised. Even so, she wanted to curl up into a ball and die. ‘So I wasn’t your first?’
‘Yes, I mean, no. There was only one other guy. When I was sixteen in high school,’ she said. At least this was the truth.
‘But no orgasms?’ he asked and she noticed the slight quirk of his lips. Was that good? Even if she felt brutally humiliated?
‘He’d bet his pals he could deflower a princess,’ she said, forcing herself to give him the miserable details of that furtive, uncomfortable night eight years ago, which had left her feeling sore and dissatisfied. Brad had boasted to his friends that the Princess wasn’t all that. And she’d been forced to take the walk of shame the next day in gym class. She’d held her head up and ignored the sniggers, and the scathing looks. She’d done nothing wrong—why should she be ashamed? Brad had been the villain in that scenario. The liar.
But she was the liar now.
‘It made me think sex was totally overrated. And I thought it always had to be like that...’
The sensual smile on Leo’s lips became more than a little smug.
Shut up. This isn’t helping.
He squeezed her wrist and rubbed his thumb across her rampaging pulse.
‘The guy sounds like a bastard, Jade,’ he murmured. ‘I’m glad I got to be your first in the only way that matters.’
The comment was kind, when she knew she didn’t deserve kind.
‘It was a long time ago, now,’ she said, staring down at her hands, aware of her nakedness. ‘I can barely remember him.’
Tucking a knuckle under her chin, Leo lifted her face. ‘I’m glad I didn’t hurt you,’ he said gently. ‘Although if you’d told me sooner we could have jumped each other three days ago.’
Her heart scrambled. Really? That was why he’d suggested waiting? Because he’d been concerned about her virginity? The wave of tenderness built again.
Followed by the nauseous wave of guilt. She had to tell him the truth. She’d lied and lied, to him and to herself, because she’d wanted this to happen. But now it had, every single one of those qualifications and justifications and excuses had been exposed for what they were—bare-faced, self-serving lies, so she could trick a king into seducing her.
‘I... You thought I was a virgin,’ she said, trying not to wince. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘Your father boasted about your untouched state quite a lot.’ The mild amusement in his tone only damned her more. ‘I guess he didn’t know about the bastard.’ His brow furrowed, his gaze direct and probing. ‘When did you go to high school? I always thought you were homeschooled, like me?’ The quizzical tone, and the easy affection behind it, made panic tighten around her ribs.
Tell him. Tell him now.
But somehow the words wouldn’t come out of her mouth. Instead her heart rammed her throat and started to choke her. Her mind whirred in frantic circles, accelerating like a merry-go-round spinning out of control.
His grip tightened and he moved to sit next to her. His naked hip bumped hers as he placed his hand on her back. And rubbed.
‘Breathe, Jade,’ he murmured.
She sucked in a juddering breath past constricted lungs, his voice an anchor as the merry-go-round juddered and jumped and finally started to slow.
‘I’m sorry,’ she mumbled, dropping her head into her hands. ‘This is supe
r awkward.’
‘Awkward?’ He gave a husky chuckle. ‘I disagree.’ He tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. She turned her head at the gentle touch, to find him watching her. ‘More like fascinating and charming,’ he murmured, the rough appreciation in his tone making her heart swell painfully in her chest again. ‘You just keep surprising me, Jade.’
You have no idea.
Her sister’s name knifed into her gut and she straightened. ‘I’m so, so sorry, Leo,’ she said, because what else could she say?
Her mind began to race through all the possible ways to tell him what she should have told him ten minutes ago. Ten hours ago. A week ago. As soon as she’d kissed him on the snow-covered balcony, let him bare her breast in the frozen night and set them on this path.
I’m not Jade, I’m Juno. I went to high school in New York. Because I’m a nobody, not a queen. Jade’s the virgin, not me.
‘Don’t be sorry.’ The sensual smile made her heart leap in her chest. ‘I’m not,’ he continued, his thumb resting on the rioting pulse in her collarbone. ‘In fact, I’m probably the one who should apologise.’ His blue eyes focussed on her face, the sincerity making her stomach tangle into a knot. ‘I didn’t use a condom. And I didn’t ask if you’re using birth control?’