The sob seemed to come from nowhere as he held me in the darkness. I dug my teeth into my bottom lip to hold it back, tasting blood. I mustn’t fall apart. Mustn’t make this mean more than it did. I didn’t want him to know how weak I was, how needy.
His lips nuzzled my nape and his arms tightened, making the ache in my throat worse.
‘Non piangere, bella,’ he whispered.
Don’t weep.
I blinked rapidly, glad he couldn’t see my face and the struggle to hold the overwhelming emotions at bay.
‘I’m not crying,’ I said, willing it to be true.
‘Bene,’ he murmured, then he gave me one last squeeze and let me go.
Lifting off the bed, he dragged the quilt up to cover my naked body.
I gathered the quilt around me to stave off the sudden chill as he headed for the en suite bathroom.
I fixated on the glorious sight of his naked buttocks, limned by moonlight, to stop the emotions overwhelming me.
And tried to tell myself the instinct to make love to Alexi wasn’t an emotional one, it was purely physical. A basic, animalistic urge I had never been able to control.
He returned a few moments later but, instead of picking up his clothing and getting dressed, he climbed into the bed beside me. He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and tucked me against his side.
The tears threatened again, so I swallowed them down. What was the matter with me? Why was I falling apart at the smallest show of affection?
Just because I’d expected him to leave, just because he’d never held me like this before.
I shifted, peering up at him in the darkness. His gaze was fixed on the horizon but his expression was impossible to read. I wondered what he was thinking. Then tried not to. Why did it matter? Despite his relationship to Cai, he had made no promises to me. And I didn’t need him to.
‘It’s probably better if you don’t stay,’ I murmured before I could get too comfortable h
aving him with me. His gaze shifted to mine.
His thumb stroked my cheek. ‘Why?’
I breathed. There were so many answers I could give him.
That I hadn’t agreed to become his lover.
That as far as I was concerned this was just another one-off brought about by an emotionally and physically exhausting day.
But I knew he’d see through those excuses to the truth beneath—that I was terrified I’d become too dependent on his care and support.
I had surrendered again, as he had known I would. All I could do now was learn how to manage the hunger, and not entertain any unrealistic hopes, until the chemistry between us died. As it inevitably would for him, if not for me.
Alexi had never had a long-term relationship to my knowledge. Our chemistry probably wasn’t anything out of the ordinary for him, the way it was for me. He’d had lots of sex with lots of women, according to the gossip columns and blogs I’d scoured over the last five years while pretending not to.
I had to make sure I didn’t become dependent on the sex or, worse, the attention. Which meant not reading too much into a simple post-coital hug. So I kept my voice even when I replied.
‘Cai usually runs in to wake me up at the crack of dawn every morning. It could get awkward if he finds you here tomorrow.’
He let out a gruff chuckle. ‘So our son is an early riser,’ he murmured, hooking a tendril of hair behind my ear. ‘Why does that not surprise me?’
I smiled, even though my heart swelled against my ribs, making it hard for me to draw a breath. Why did he have to look so much more breathtaking when he talked about our son?
I knew it was dangerous to enjoy this moment too much while my sex was still humming from that titanic orgasm. But as his thumb stroked my cheek, his gaze both protective and possessive, I couldn’t seem to stop myself from basking in his approval. Just a little bit.
He pressed a kiss to my forehead. ‘Go to sleep, bella notte. I’ll make sure I leave before he wakes up in the morning, but I want to hold you tonight.’