But he held up his hand and cut her off. ‘Let me finish. I love you, Lily, but you are as far from perfect as I am.’
‘Oh, you’re so right,’ she said with heartfelt conviction. ‘I’m not perfect at all.’
‘And, yes, I made a mistake but it was years ago and I refuse to carry the guilt around any longer.’
‘Good, well, about that—’
‘You’ve made many more mistakes than I have.’
She nodded. ‘I know. I know.’ She’d made tons.
‘I thought I wasn’t worthy of you. But I am.’
For a moment she reeled. How could he ever have thought that? Had she made him think that? ‘You are,’ she said with a stab of shame.
‘We need each other, Lily,’ he said, his eyes dark and intense and focused wholly on her. ‘We love each other and we deserve each other.’
‘We do.’
‘So here’s how this is going to go. We’re going to get married, you and I, after which I plan to devote the rest of my life to proving to you how much you can trust me. We’re going to communicate. Talk. Be a proper partnership. We’re also going to adopt a brood of children and be extremely happy.’ He arched an eyebrow as if challenging her to object. ‘So what do you think about that?’
But why would she object when it was everything she wanted? Filled with so much relief, happiness and love she couldn’t speak, instead Lily just walked over to him, put her arms around his neck, pressed herself against him and kissed him.
And damn it felt good because it had been such a long, miserable time since she’d been in his arms, but now she was because he was hauling his hands out of his pockets and putting them on her back, pulling her tight to him and kissing her back equally fiercely.
Free from all the insecurities that had plagued her these last few weeks, all the doubt and confusion that had so troubled her, and filling with the absolute certainty that she and Kit were going to be all right, she kissed him long and hard and with everything she felt. And when they broke for breath, his breathing was as ragged as hers, his heart was thundering as hard and fast as hers and his eyes were blazing as fiercely as she could imagine hers were.
‘I’m taking it that you’re not averse to the idea,’ he said hoarsely.
‘I couldn’t be more for it,’ she said with a giddy kind of smile. ‘Although that bit about devoting the rest of your life to proving to me how much I can trust you? You don’t need to do that.’
He frowned. ‘I don’t? Why not? I was looking forward to it.’
‘I don’t know how I could ever have thought I couldn’t trust you, Kit. I’d trust you with my life. I’m so sorry for doubting it.’
‘You trust me?’ he said after a moment’s pause. ‘Since when?’
‘Since about an hour ago.’
‘What happened an hour ago?’
‘I came to realise that trust is a choice, and I guess before I chose not to trust you. I don’t exactly know why. Because I was scared maybe? Because it was all going too fast and I panicked? Because I could feel myself retreating and I couldn’t stop it?’
‘And now?’
‘Now I want to trust you and I do. With everything I am and everything I have, because when have you given me reason to doubt it? You haven’t. Not once. And you won’t. I know that.’ She shook her head in despair. ‘I was such a fool. I went back on our deal to communicate and shut you out again. But I promise that that won’t happen again because I’m done with denial. It’s the coward’s way out and I don’t want to be a coward any more. I’m sorry if I made you think you don’t deserve me because if anything I don’t deserve you. And I’m sorry for breaking up with you. It was just about the worst thing I could have done. This last fortnight has been horrible. The worst of my life.’
‘Mine too,’ said Kit, his voice rough. ‘I thought I’d lost you for good.’
‘No, no,’ she said. ‘I was the one doing the losing.’
He tilted his head and looked down at her, his eyes filled with warmth and love and the promise of a future. ‘I’m pretty sure it was me, but do you really want to argue about this?’
‘Not really.’
He gave her a soft smile and his eyes took on a gleam. ‘Because you know there are far better things we could be doing,’ he said, his hands slowly sweeping up her back to her shoulders and making her shudder with longing.
‘Like what?’