‘A temporary psychological problem to do with certain issues relating to intimacy.’
‘Not all that temporary if it went on for five years.’
‘No.’
‘And that sounds like something a therapist would say.’
‘It was.’
Shifting out of his embrace, she sat up and turned round to stare at him, surprise written all over her face. ‘You saw a therapist?’
‘I did.’
‘But it didn’t help?’
‘Nothing did.’
‘That must have been frustrating.’
‘You have no idea.’
‘Well, now you’re cured you can go back and take your pick.’
Kit looked at her thoughtfully. ‘I could,’ he said eventually. ‘But I won’t.’
She went very still, not taking her eyes off him for a second. ‘Oh?’
‘Because this—us—isn’t just sex, is it?’
‘I don’t think so,’ she said, so softly it came out as almost a whisper. ‘I’ve spent the entire last week remembering why I fell in love with you.’
‘Ditto.’
‘And now I think the real reason that I’ve never really had a proper relationship
since us is that despite everything I tried to tell myself I never fell out of love with you.’
‘And I think that the problem I had with sex, which I always thought was to do with the guilt I carried at having that one-night stand, was down to the fact that I never fell out of love with you.’
She tilted her head, a faint smile playing at her lips. ‘What a pair we are.’
They could be a formidable pair, thought Kit. A great pair. And if only she gave him the chance to prove it, he’d devote the rest of his life to making up for what he’d done to her and to them. He took a deep breath, his heart hammering so wildly he could feel it banging against his ribs. ‘Lily?’
‘Yes?’
‘What would you say to us trying again?’
*
Despite the fact that somewhere in the back of her mind Lily had been expecting something like this, she still had to bite back the ‘yes’ that was trying to tumble out of her mouth, and she still had to clamp down on the urge to throw herself against him and smother him in kisses.
Because while she’d thought about it quite a lot this afternoon, and fantasised about it before that more than she cared to admit, the reality of them wasn’t some kind of fairy tale. It wasn’t all hearts and roses, lost love found and a blissful happy ever after.
Once upon a time it had been painful, heartbreaking and soul-destroying. Now it was messy and filled with memories and experiences that were not, perhaps, conducive to a healthy, functional relationship.
So while on one level the idea that they got back together was the best thing she’d heard in ages, on another she had so many doubts and fears about what would happen if they did that she held back.
Ignoring her heart, which was remembering he’d said he loved her, Lily listened to her head, which was insisting she proceed with caution, and sighed. ‘I don’t know, Kit.’