Well, now, wasn’t that the question of the century? thought Marcus, stopping for a moment to catch his breath. Why was it taking so long to work out? As Dan had said, it had been four long, agonising weeks, and he was still no closer to unravelling the mess inside his head than he had been when he’d walked out of—no, fled, would be a better description for the way he’d left—Celia’s flat.
‘Just stuff,’ he muttered.
‘Ah,’ said Dan knowingly, grabbing his water bottle, unscrewing the lid and taking a glug. ‘Stuff. Gotcha.’
They stayed there like that for a moment, breathing hard and rehydrating as Marcus tried to figure out what it was Dan thought he knew, until he couldn’t bear the thundering silence any longer. ‘Anyway, Celia was the one who suggested I take a break,’ he said, as if that made what he was doing all fine.
‘I doubt she meant quite this long.’
Marcus did too. And that simply added guilt and shame to the chaos in his head. ‘Have you seen her?’ he asked.
Dan leaned back into his harness and wiped his brow. ‘Yup.’
‘How is she?’
‘Getting big. Looks a bit tired but other than that, fine.’
‘Good.’
‘She resigned, you know.’
‘She mentioned she was going to.’
‘And she’s started house-hunting.’
Marcus winced, but Dan carried on regardless. ‘You know, I knew she was making a mistake thinking you’d stick around,’ he said.
Marcus stared at him and nearly dropped his water bottle. What the hell? He was sticking around. Of course he was. He was just trying to figure out how. And coming up with a blank because how was he supposed to keep himself safe if he saw her all the time?
‘She said you’d decided to face up to your responsibilities and was actually quite strident in her defence of you. But I had my doubts.’
Marcus felt his chest tighten. She’d defended him? When was the last time anyone had defended him? Been on his side the way she was?
‘And actually I don’t blame you,’ Dan continued, ‘because being tied to Celia for the rest of your life? That’s not something I’d wish on anyone, least of all my best mate.’
OK, that was enough. ‘What the hell are you talking about?’ he snapped.
‘I know I’m her brother, but that doesn’t make me blind to her faults. I love her to pieces but she can be difficult. She’s stubborn and uncompromising and as tough as nails.’
‘She’s not any of that,’ said Marcus grimly, feeling his heart begin to thump and his head pound.
‘No?’
‘No,’ he said even more grimly.
‘Then what is she?’
Fabulous. That was what she was. Brave, loyal, clever, brilliant and gorgeous. The mother of his child and the woman he was head over heels in love with.
As the truth of it broke free from the shackles he’d bound it with, his head swam, his vision blurred, his muscles weakened, without intending to he let go of the wall.
Down he fell. Down, down, down. Jerking to a juddering halt a metre from the ground. Every bone in his body jarred. Every muscle screamed. But his head was clearer than it had been for weeks.
He’d spent the past month trying to work out how to resist falling in love with Celia but what was the point when it had already happened? He might have been in free fall only a moment ago, but his heart had been in free fall for weeks, month, years probably.
He was nuts about her. Well, of course he was, because how could he not be? She was the most amazing woman he’d ever met and the time he’d spent with her had been the best, most stimulating, fun time of his life.
She was the only woman he wanted to commit to, and not just because she was having his baby. The only woman he could ever imagine living with, loving, till death did them part, which would hopefully be later rather than sooner. They were having a child together, going to be a family, if he hadn’t totally screwed things up.