How had she not seen it before?
Smiling gently, still slightly stunned by the realisation she was nuts about him when only a short while ago she’d loathed him, Celia hugged her knees to her chest and grimaced when her tummy got in the way. So she stretched her legs out instead and crossed them at the ankles and thought about the way he made her feel. Apart from the sex, which was mind-blowing as well as eye-opening, he made her feel as if she could do anything, be anyone. He was the first person she wanted to turn to, whether with successes or failures. The first person she’d go to if she was ill, doubtful or needed a different take on something. The only person she wanted to love, live with and have a family with.
And the best, truly amazing, thing was, she was pretty sure Marcus was in love with her too. She’d felt it in his touch tonight when they’d made it to her bed. She’d seen it in his eyes. Heard it in his words. He’d explored her so thoroughly, so tenderly, lingering over the slight rise of her abdomen, almost as if he’d been worshipping her.
She was equally sure, however, that he wouldn’t want to be in love with her, and that when he realised he was he’d reject it with everything he had. But that was fine. She wasn’t planning on going anywhere for a while, even if he was. He was worth it so she’d wait. And not just for him to wake up and take her into his arms once again.
But, as he was still dead to the world, in the wake of the earth-shattering realisation that she was mad about him, maybe now would be a good opportunity to take stock of her life to date. To think about what she really wanted for the future. For herself and her child. She needed to consider her responsibilities and work out her priorities. She needed to figure out why she hadn’t been more excited about getting the partnership as she’d always envisaged.
And, frankly, it was about time.
* * *
Rolling onto his back, still half asleep, Marcus thought that if the night he’d just had was a dream he didn’t plan on waking up any time soon. It had been astounding, and, he suspected dozily, not just because it had been a while since he’d had sex.
Celia had been voracious, he recalled, the images flickering through his head making him smile. And demanding. On the way to her bedroom she’d told him what she wanted him to do to her, blushing fiercely and muttering something about pregnancy hormones. He didn’t know about the validity of that, but nor did he particularly care because whatever it was that was driving her desire to almost insatiable levels it had seriously turned him on. They’d combined hot and fast with slow and sensuous, his fantasies with hers, and it had been everything Marcus had imagined.
And everything, he suspected, he’d feared.
Searching for her with his hand and hoping to roll her beneath him before the doubts and fears took hold, when he came up with nothing he cracked open an eyelid. To see she was sitting on the window seat, wrapped in a dressing gown, her legs crossed as she looked out of the window, a thoughtful expression on her face.
He levered himself up onto his elbows and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. ‘How long have you been sitting there?’ he asked, blinking and noting that the sky beyond was no longer the deep black of night, but the teal-blue of imminent dawn.
‘A while,’ she said, giving him a smile that made warmth unfurl in the pit of his stomach and his body stir.
‘What are you doing?’
‘Thinking.’
‘About what?’
She gave a little shrug. ‘Just things.’
‘What kind of things?’
‘You really want to know?’
‘I do.’ He shouldn’t, but as things he wanted to think about even less were threatening to invade his head he did.
She swung her legs off the window seat, stood and walked over to the bed. ‘OK,’ she said, sitting on the mattress and crossing her legs Buddha style. ‘Well, first, I’m going to turn down the partnership.’
That did the trick, he thought wryly, shock pushing those creeping thoughts back as he stared at her. ‘You’re what?’
‘I’m turning down the partnership.’
He opened his mouth. Then closed it. ‘Why?’ he said eventually. ‘I thought it was everything you’ve ever wanted.’
‘So did I. But I now realise it isn’t.’
‘Since when?’
‘Probably since the moment they told me and instead of feeling fireworks going off inside me what I felt was more like a damp squib.’
He shoved his hands through his hair and gave his head a quick shake because this wasn’t small. This was huge. Worryingly huge. ‘Are you sure?’
‘I’m sure,’ she said with a firm nod. ‘I’ve been so focused on getting it, working so hard and making so many sacrifices, and now I can’t help thinking, for what? So I can work even longer hours, more weekends? And end up with burnout, having a breakdown or worse? I don’t want to do that. Not any more. It’s not fair.’
She rubbed a hand over her stomach and he wondered if she realised she was doing it.