He moved towards her and put his hands on her shoulders, his expression fierce. ‘You don’t.’
‘I do,’ she cried, wrenching away.
‘Where will you go?’
‘I’ll let you know.’
‘It’s late.’
‘I’ll be fine.’
‘I won’t let you do this, Georgie. I won’t let you leave. Not this time.’
‘This time,’ she said, turning and heading for the door before the tears could spill over, ‘you don’t have any choice.’
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
AS THE DOOR closing rang in his ears, Finn stood there rooted to the spot, reeling as torment and bewilderment spun through him.
What the hell had just happened?
He’d returned home, all fired up with ferocious determination and the hammering need to put things right, the rings he’d bought her in Paris burning a hole in his pocket. He didn’t know what he’d expected to find on his arrival. He hadn’t given it much thought. However, if he had, Georgie sitting on the sofa in the dark, pale and drawn, would not have been it. The sight of her had knocked him for six. Concern had slammed into him. But nothing had stunned him as much as the conversation that had then ensued.
He felt as if he’d stepped into an alternative universe, one in which there were no rules and nothing made sense. Did she really believe everything she’d said? he wondered, his head spinning and his gut churning. That they had no relationship and never would? How could she, after everything they’d been through together?
Yet that was how it seemed. The more he’d tried to convince her that they did have something, that he loved her, the more she’d backed off. It had been like trying to hold on to water and somehow, unintentionally and agonisingly, he’d made things worse.
Georgie was not in a good way—she’d walked out on their son—and his entire body began to ache with the knowledge that perhaps he couldn’t help her. Perhaps he’d never be able to help her. Her despair, her desperation and the tears that she’d struggled to contain cut through him like a knife. He’d thought he could bind her to him with a civil partnership, but no ties were strong enough to overcome this. Nor was how he felt about her, because he’d tried everything. He’d tried reasoning with her and then pleaded with her and it had made no difference. He didn’t know how to fix this. Never had he felt so powerless. It was agony. It was terrifying.
But there was one thing he did know. When she’d told him he didn’t have a choice she’d been wrong. Dead wrong. It was pretty much the only thing he did have right now, and, despite not having a clue about anything, he was making it because he was not losing her again.
* * *
Georgie fled down the hall, the tears that she’d been wretchedly holding back spilling over and streaking down her cheeks. With every step she took the knife slicing her heart to pieces struck harder and faster, the pain flowing through her veins unbearable.
Why was this happening to her? she thought with a desperate sniff. Why was life, her illness, so cruel? What had she ever done to deserve any of it? Why couldn’t she be happy? Why couldn’t she be normal?
Reaching the lift, she pressed the button with one trembling finger, but the lift seemed to be as broken as she was because nothing happened, no matter how much she jabbed away at it. And she really needed it to work because she had to escape. She had to find somewhere to hole up and lick her wounds, wounds that were raw and deep and indelible.
But what if there was no escape? a little voice inside her head cried. What if no matter how far she ran, how hard she tried, this was always going to be her reality? What if she was destined to be dogged by what had happened for the rest of her life, never happy, never normal? She couldn’t run for ever. She didn’t want to be that person, constantly in fear of the present and the future, continually up and down, vulnerable and helpless. She wasn?
??t that person. She wouldn’t be. She had to face up to it.
Starting now.
What was she doing? she asked herself urgently, taking a step back from the lift, away from the edge. Where was she planning on heading? Was she really going to walk away from Josh? From Finn? Who claimed to love her? Who maybe did love her?
In the still quiet of the hall, the only sound in her ears the hammering of her heart, Georgie thought about the calm, steadfast way he’d countered all her accusations. About his strength and resilience in the face of her increasing panic. About everything he’d said and done over the last few months. If she accepted that she’d been in the grip of paranoia and doubt caused by her illness then she also had to accept that his version of events was the right one.
And God, she wanted it to be. She had to take a chance on them. She wanted to take a chance on them. Because she loved him back. He was the man she’d imagined him to be. She hadn’t got that wrong. The happiness she’d felt hadn’t been an illusion. Nor had any of the feelings she had before she’d left Paris. Everything had been real. Her hopes and dreams still lay within her grasp if only she was brave enough to grab them.
She would take control of this thing winding its wicked tendrils around her thoughts and emotions, she promised herself as she blew her nose and set her jaw. Come hell or high water, she would beat it. She’d seek help and go back on the medication. She should never have stopped taking it in the first place. What had she been thinking when she’d even been warned of the dangers of doing exactly that? She was going to fight for herself. And fight for Finn, for them, just as he’d asked her to.
With determination powering through her, Georgie spun on her heel and retraced her steps, only to slam to a halt a moment later at the sight of Finn striding down the hall towards her.
‘This is not happening,’ he said with a fierceness on his handsome face that heated all the places that had been so cold lately. ‘You are not leaving me. You are not leaving Josh. I love you and you don’t get to run away. I won’t allow it. I know it’s complicated but we’ll figure it out. Together.’
‘Yes,’ she said simply, the emotion pummelling her on the inside practically wiping out her knees. There was much, much more that she wanted to say but her throat was so tight and the emotion so thick that she couldn’t. All she could do was throw her arms around his neck and pull his head down to hers and kiss him with everything she was feeling.