That was what she’d thought once too but now she didn’t know what to think. ‘I don’t know you.’
‘You know me better than anyone.’
‘Even if I could believe that, even if you’re right, I can’t be what you want,’ she said, her voice breaking. How could she possibly lumber him with her when she was like this? How fair on him would it be if she had a setback every time he did or said something unexpected? How long would it be before they were both walking on eggshells, communicating only about their son?
‘Yes, you can. You already are.’
‘Do you want more children?’
‘Not if you don’t.’
‘I don’t believe you.’
‘OK, maybe I would like Josh to have siblings,’ he said. ‘Maybe I would like to be part of a bigger family. But there’s surrogacy. Or, dare I say it, adoption?’
He’d already thought that far ahead? ‘I’m sorry,’ she said, growing cold with fear and desperation. ‘I can’t handle this right now. It’s all too much.’
‘Either way, Georgie, I’m not letting you go. I told you I’d keep you safe and I meant it. Whatever is going on we’ll deal with it together.’
‘No. We can’t.’
‘We can.’
‘You don’t understand.’
‘I’m trying to.’
‘It’s impossible.’
‘Nothing is impossible.’
This is, she thought, sadness and confusion pouring through her. This is.
‘I need to go.’
He recoiled as if she’d slapped him. ‘Where?’
‘I don’t know,’ she said, scrambling to her feet and taking a shaky step back. ‘Somewhere else.’
‘Don’t fight me,’ he said, his voice cracking as he rose too. ‘Fight for me. Like I’m trying to fight for you. For us.’
‘I told you before, there is no us.’
‘You don’t mean that.’
‘I do.’
‘I’ve never begged for anything,’ he said, his voice low and rough, ‘but I’m begging you. If you won’t stay for me, at least stay for our son.’
Why? What was the point? What good could she possibly be to anyone while still so ill? ‘He’ll be far better off with you than me.’
‘He needs you. I need you. I love you.’ He raked his hands through his hair, his eyes wild with confusion and desperation. ‘Georgie, you matter so much to me. The night we met I felt we had a connection that went far beyond chemistry. It was like something in me instinctively recognised something in you. And it’s only grown since then. Everything about you fascinates me. The way you twist your hair and chew on your pen. The way you are with our son, your patience and your gentleness. You’re the strongest, most incredible person I’ve ever met. You confront your fears and deal with them and you’ve made me do that too. You let me get away with nothing. You’re beautiful and clever and funny and the woman I love. I’ve never felt like this about anyone ever. I don’t want to be without you, Georgie. I can’t.’
‘I’m sorry,’ she said, her eyes stinging and her throat tight as she stumbled back in the direction of the door.
‘Don’t do this. Please.’
‘I have to.’