My eyes widen and I get stuck on him talking about his feelings, even though I know I shouldn't be. This is about something far more serious than that. Especially when we have time to explore the feelings later. If he's even talking about me. He might not be, and it would do me good to remember that.
"When I was fifteen, they got divorced."
"I'm so sorry," I say instantly, feeling that's the expected response.
"It's not your fault. But Mum remarried almost instantly. It turned out she'd been having an affair for five years that Dad had no idea about. He wasn't in a good place. He even tried to start drinking until I worked it all out and made it so none of the alcohol in the house could get him drunk."
"Oh, wow."
"Then Mum introduced me to her new man. After she'd married him. And it was Ivy's Dad. Suddenly, I had more people that were supposed to be part of my family, including a brand new sister I never wanted. It wasn't the best time."
"Which is why you lived with your Dad?" I ask, my heart breaking for him.
"How do you even know that?"
"Everyone knows that. It's why you were late coming to Grimalkin."
"Oh. I didn't realise that." He shifts in the computer chair.
Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned it. I just figured that he already knows what people are saying.
"Even though I know my parents are better off without each other, a little part of me still blames Ivy's Dad for their divorce. And she's not exactly the most pleasant person to live with."
"But if you're Dad's struggling..."
He shakes his head. "That's not why. It's nothing to do with losing Mum and everything to do with the fact she managed to hoodwink him. He's a proud man. And a military one. Being left for another man is the height of dishonour among his friends."
Ah. I can see how that's a problem.
"I'm sorry, Caspian, I didn't know." I want to reach out and touch his hand, but I'm not sure if he wants that too. Or if I can bend the right way with two kittens on my lap.
"You don't need to be sorry. I'm just trying to explain why I didn't tell you about Ivy. It's not because I wanted to keep it a secret from you. It's more that I don't want to have to remember she's part of my life."
"Why are you telling me now?" I ask. I get where he's coming from on everything apart from the timing. He could have said all of this to me outside the library. Or even when I'd first found out about Ivy. So why now?
"I was coming to tell you the other day. But when I overheard you with Ryan..."
"He's just a friend," I insist while trying to push thoughts I've had of more to the back of my mind. Caspian and I have a good thing going. Well, had. But we can have a good thing going again if we try, I'm certain of it.
"We both know that's not the truth."
"I'm not lying." I frown, trying to work out what he's heard and from who. I've never been on a date with Ryan. Or done anything couply with him, unless you count tutoring him for potions, but I doubt that counts.
"I saw the way you looked at him. And the way he looked at you. That wasn't friend chemistry I saw."
I open my mouth to deny it, but he shakes his head.
"Please, just hear me out."
"Okay..." I'm a little confused by where he's going, but if he has a point, then I'm happy to wait until he gets there.
I think.
"Wow, this is harder to say than I thought it would be."
"Can I do anything to help?" I want to fidget again, but stick with fussing Rhubarb. That's one good thing about the kittens, they definitely help keep my hands busy while having awkward conversations.
"No. I don't think so."