ChapterNine
My chance tocome clean arrived on the Thursday before Labor Day weekend.
Nate had taken a few days off to drive to the UWW campus as a sort of escort for the dig team. The site was now officially closed off to more excavations until next spring and Bishop was required on campus for his teaching duties. I tended to think Nate went along to spend a few more days with Bishop because they’d be doing a long-distance relationship from now until the Christmas break. With Nate gone Kyle was in charge. The workload had increased as five of our hands left to start or go back to their college courses. While I was happy for my fellow tribal members, I was also just a little envious. Maybe someday. It wasn’t like my degree would do me any good in the job market. A philosophy major didn’t exactly have a huge pool of high paying jobs waiting for him or her when he or she graduated. Probably I’d be better served to stay here, buckle down, and work twice as hard. Then I might someday be in Kyle’s position.
“Did you hear one word that I said?” Kyle asked. I tumbled back from my mental wanderings like a rock thrown out of a plane window.
“I…sorry, no.” He gave me the same kind of amused but annoyed look he hit Will with all the time. Although his annoyance levels with his brother were generally much higher. “Can we talk?”
I picked up a bag of sweet feed from the rear of the pickup and tossed it to Kyle. He then stacked it inside the feed shed. The herd would be coming off pasture soon and we were laying in food for winter. We had several pole barns scattered about near winter feeding areas. Most of them were near water for the cattle. A steamy memory of Will and me in that barn the night Shep found us making out entered my mind.
“I thought we were talking. I was asking you if you knew of anyone on the reservation looking for winter work and you drifted off right in the middle of a sentence.” He carried the hundred pound bag into the barn, placed it on a pallet, and then returned for another. His face and neck were wet with sweat. September had given us an oddly hot day. Hopefully, it would cool off for the weekend. I didn’t look forward to being in full regalia if it was eighty-five degrees.
“Sorry. I was…well, I wanted to talk to you about something.”
“Okay.” He removed his hat and wiped the sweat from his brow with a red bandana from his back pocket.
“It’s personal.” I sat down on the side of the truck bed and took off my hat as well. The hot wind moving over my wet scalp felt nice. I held my hat between my hands, elbows on my knees, and stared at the hat as if it held the answers to all the great philosophical questions. The oracle of Stetson instead of Delphi.
“Okay,” he said yet again. The smell of molasses was thick on the air. Small songbirds flittered from the barn roof to the ground to pick through the feed that spilled to the ground.
“It’s about Will,” I opened with, my gaze lifting from my hat to my boss.
“What did he do now?” Kyle wearily asked. “If he’s been starting shit again…”
“No. No, he’s good. Been good. It’s not that. Okay, it’s about me and Will not just Will.”
He slung his arms over the side of the truck and looked up at me. He and Will didn’t look much alike other than the set of their eyes. They both shared some similar expressions though.
“Look, before you get into this too deep just let me say something.” Kyle gave the side of my leg a sideways fist bump. “I love Will, I do. Yeah, he’s been trying for my mother at times, but I can see why he acts out. Our stepfather is a monster, so I get it, but here’s the thing and I say this with love. You can do better than Will for a best friend.”
My mouth fell open. “Will’s a good guy. I like him.”
Kyle nodded as his lips flattened, thick brown hair damp and flat to his head. “I know you do. Will is really charming, but he’s one of those guys who always seems to find trouble. I’ve worked with you for a few years now. You’re a good kid with dreams of betterment. Will has no dreams. He’s content to simply coast through life. I don’t want to see you get pulled into that mindset of his. So sure, be nice to him, try to guide him, but don’t hook your wagon to his star because he has a lot of growing up to do to reach where you’re at maturity wise.”
I didn’t know what to say. I was mad and hurt for Will. Sure, what Kyle was saying was kind of true about the old Will. But I knew the new Will Abbott. He’d come a long way in a short amount of time.
“Will reads to Gemini now,” I blurted out.
“Good. He needs to learn that the world doesn’t revolve around him.”
“No, see, he has learned that. You’re talking about him just like his miserable stepfather does, saying he’s no good and will never amount to anything.”
Kyle bristled up. “I never said he was no good! I said he was trouble. And as for him not amounting to anything—”
“He will! He’ll do great things. I know it! I see it in him. He just needs support and guidance. I’m giving that to him and he’s thriving. Maybe if you gave him a fucking break instead of always doubting him, you’d see it too!”
“Okay, just chill the hell out, Perry. I appreciate the fact that you and Will are buddies and all that but—”
“We’re more than buddies. We’re dating. We’re dating because I’m gay and you can stop talking down the man I…care about!” I stood up in a rush of pure anger. Kyle gaped skyward at me, my shadow falling over his shocked face.
“Wow,” he finally mumbled. I sat back down, contrite as hell now for yelling at Kyle. “Okay, that was not where I thought this was going.” He moved around the truck then climbed into the bed, stepping around the bags of feed waiting to be moved. “Can I sit?” He waved a hand at the side of the truck beside me. I nodded then stuffed my hat back on my head. Maybe I could pull it down over my face. “Okay, so…this is a surprise. I never would have put you and Will together as a couple. How serious is it?”
I shrugged. “I like him a lot. We haven’t talked about it really. I think we’re sort of serious, but I’ve never really done this before so…” I shrugged a shoulder yet again.
“Right, okay, well, you sure act like you have strong feelings for him.” He dropped down next to me, his dirty denim-covered leg resting beside mine. “And that’s good. Will needs someone who will show him that there’s a right way and a wrong way to move through life. God knows I’ve tried and gotten nowhere just like Mom and all his teachers tried. Of course Mom’s choices haven’t been much better but that’s not who we’re talking about.”
“People are just like horses or dogs. If you hit them and tell them they’re stupid, they’ll either start to believe it or they’ll turn on you. Will’s not a lost cause.”