Tarin: Chapter 5
I knew my behavior these last three days or so had been hard on Bear. I didn’t mean to cause him trouble or pain. I just couldn’t convince myself that he meant what he said. Why would he want me around? No one else ever had.
I’d stayed busy finishing the hats I’d been making for Hope. She was starting to lose her hair. All girls, big and small, deserved to feel pretty. I put them in the gift bag I’d gotten for them and went out to my car. I knew Bear was at The Dark Angel. I’d called and asked if he was there then hung up before they could bring him to the phone. I’d swing by the hospital and drop these off to Ilara then get out.
When I got to her door, I saw two guys I didn’t know standing there. They weren’t from Bear’s club. They didn’t say anything, just nodded at me. I knocked on the door then opened it. Ilara looked at me in shock. I gave her a smile.
She waved for me to come in. “Come on in. What a nice surprise. Look, Hope, it’s Tarin.” I looked at Hope. She was smiling at me. I had to smile back even if she couldn’t see me under this mask. “Have a seat,” Ilara said.
I went over and sat down by the bed. I looked around. I didn’t know how to start now that I was here. I fidgeted with the bag in my hands. “I didn’t expect to see you here,” Ilara said to break the silence.
“I know and I’m sorry, but I wanted to make sure Hope got these. I thought they would be cute for her to wear. I know she started to lose her hair. We girls are vain about our hair, even when we’re a year old.” I quickly gave her the bag. She opened it and then gasped.
“Look, Hope. Look at the pretty hats Tarin brought you. Which one do you want to wear?” Hope clapped her hands when she saw them. She pointed to the bright hot pink one with sparkles on it. Ilara helped her to get it on.
“Tarin, thank you so much! These are beautiful. Where in the world did you find them? I need to check this site out.”
I debated not saying and then sighed. “There’s no website. If you find material you like, I can make them for her.”
“You made these. Do you sell them?
“No, I just do it for fun.”
“Tarin, you need to sell these. People would love them. There’s a need for them for a lot of reasons. Do you ever make them for men? Are there other things you can make?”
I stood up. I didn’t want to get deeper involved with them. I wanted to be a part of them so much that it would hurt more if I did and they decided to not want me around. “Well, I need to go. I just wanted to stop and give her these and to see how she was doing. She seems less tired than the last time I saw her. Is she going to get to go home in time for Christmas?”
“Dr. Beatty was in before you came and said it looks good. Speaking of Christmas, the whole club does a big blowout for the holidays. Thanksgiving was a little more subdued they said this year, but Christmas won’t be. I wanted to make sure you knew that we’ll be having our family one at nine and then over to the clubhouse for the club one at noon.”
“Oh, that’ll be nice. I wasn’t planning to invade you or Bear’s celebration, so thank you for letting me know. I’m planning to head out the week before.”
“Honey, I wasn’t telling you our plans so you wouldn’t come visit. I was telling you so you know what time to be there. Your dad is looking forward to having his whole family there. Why are you leaving town the week before?”
“Listen, Ilara, I appreciate that you’re trying to make me feel welcome, but it’s not necessary. I know me showing up messed up your whole life with Bear. I should have looked into him more and found out he had someone. I’m leaving town to go on an extended trip. When I get back, I’ll be headed out for good. Not sure yet where, but I’ll figure it out.” I shrugged and started for the door. I need to get out of here. She beat me to the door.
“No, you can’t! It’ll devastate your dad if you do that. He wants you here, Tarin. He wants memories with you. Are you leaving because you think you’re not welcome or because you don’t like me and don’t want to have a relationship with him? I know you grew up with your stepdad all those years, thinking he was your real one. It must be hard to go from daddy’s little girl with him to a stranger with Bear, but he wants to make it like what you had before, without trying to take your stepdad’s place.”
I whipped around. “Bear is nothing like my stepdad. I wouldn’t ever want him to be like him. Bear has shown me more kindness in the short time I’ve been here than he ever did. He was a—” I stopped talking. I couldn’t tell her what he’d been like. How much pain he’d caused. I yanked open the door and raced out of the room. The guys in the hall gave me a startled look. I didn’t slow down until I was in my car. I stayed there in the parking lot for a long time, trying to stop from hyperventilating.
Once I thought I was safe enough to drive, I took off. I drove around for hours, trying to get my thoughts in order. What should I do? Should I believe what Bear and Ilara said and stay? Maybe I could have a relationship with him or the whole family. That would be perfect. However, what if I stayed only to find out they really didn’t have a place for me in their little family? That would hurt worse, I think.
It was late when I finally pulled back into the hotel’s parking lot. It was dark, and I was exhausted. I’d gone all the way to Nashville and walked around a mall. I didn’t buy anything. I just wandered. The dinner I ate at some restaurant tasted like cardboard. I’d boxed most of it up and brought it back with me.
Once inside my room, I took a long hot shower and then laid down to read. It was after midnight before I felt sleepy enough to turn out the light. I was no closer to deciding on whether to stay or leave. Maybe some sleep would help me decide.
Outlaw:
I was sitting and thinking about Tarin for the millionth time. What the hell was I going to do? I know Bear said to give her time, but it had been three goddamn days. The only thing that kept me from losing it completely was I knew she hadn’t left Hunters Creek. We had guys who were checking on her throughout the day. The front desk guy knew us and he said he’d call if she checked out.
My phone rang, pulling my thoughts away from her, until I saw who it was calling. It was Bear. As soon as I answered he started to speak. “Outlaw, I need you to find out everything you can on Tarin’s stepdad. Something is fishy. He died a couple of years ago according to her. Have you spoken to her since the day she threatened to call the cops on you?”
I sighed then swore softly. “Fuck. No, I haven’t talked to her since then. I go by her place every day, but she’s either not there or doesn’t come outside. I honestly don’t know what to do. If she’s truly not interested in me, I’ll fucking go away. I just need to know that for sure. Sometimes she acted like she was interested in me, or so I thought. As for the mom and stepdad, I haven’t dug deeper since I didn’t know it was needed.”
“It’s needed. She said some vague stuff to Ilara that made her think he was less than stellar. She’s leaving town before Christmas and not coming back until after. She’s planning to move away and won’t say where.”
“No fucking way is she doing that. I don’t care what she says. She wants to be in your life, Bear. I’m not going to let her throw that away for some foolish reason. I’m going to make her talk to me. I’ll go first thing in the morning. I know if I go now, she’ll probably have me arrested. It’s after one in the morning. Wish me luck. Have bail money ready, will ya?”
Bear laughed. “Don’t worry, I’ve got your back.”