“Tarin, honey, we need to talk. Let’s go to the house,” Bear said softly. She swung around, but not before I saw the tears in her eyes.
She shook her head. “There’s nothing to say. I’m leaving tomorrow. It was a mistake to come here. I’m happy for you, Bear. You’re going to make a great dad. I know that already. I need to go and figure some things out. You know, we spoiled princesses do actually think and have feelings for other people.” She sneered at me when she said it.
My heart sank. I reached out to grab her arm, but she jerked away. “Don’t touch me. You don’t know shit about me, other than what you read in those precious reports you love. Fuck you, Outlaw.” She turned and ran. I took off running after her. Bear was right behind me. She was fast as hell. By the time we made it to her car, she was behind the wheel and had it turned on and in gear. She was moving toward the gate.
Bear ran toward the guard shack, but she got out before he could get to the button to close it. I heard him swear. “Son of a bitch.”
“Fuck! That woman is going to drive me to drink,” I growled as I yanked on the hair on the top of my head. I’d fucked up, big time.
“From the sounds of it, she had reason to be upset. Why the hell do you hate my daughter? She hasn’t done a damn thing to you, Outlaw. Every time she’s around, you never let her out of your sight. You called her juvenile and spoiled. Now, I might not get to know or have my daughter in my life! Jesus Christ, she’s not the enemy, you know!” he shouted. I could see how upset and pissed he was. What could I say other than the truth, which might get my ass handed to me?
“I know she isn’t the enemy! I don’t hate Tarin, Bear. She’s hiding something and I’m going to find out what. There’s stuff she won’t tell us about growing up. I did call her juvenile and spoiled, but it was to shock her into realizing she was wrong. She was out here talking about needing someone to actually love her and be their number one. She’s worried that there’s no room for her in your life.”
“If you don’t hate her, why all the watching? It can’t be just because you think she’s hiding something.” He growled at me in frustration.
I looked at the ground and then back up at him, as I took the plunge. “I don’t know how you’re going to take this, but here goes. I watch her not because I don’t trust her, but because I want her. I don’t want one of my brothers or someone from the other clubs going after her. I’ve never met anyone like her. She’s got me going crazy. I need to figure her out. Find out what she needs and protect her. My outburst just now wasn’t the way to do it. Let me go talk to her. Then when I’m done, I’ll call you and you can talk to her. I need to apologize.”
He stared at me stunned. “I’ll admit, I don’t know what to say to that. Shit, I just met her and you tell me this. She’s not going to be used for fun and games, Outlaw. I won’t let any man do that to her, not even a brother. You need to forget that shit,” he snapped. I stiffened when I thought about what he was implying.
“I’m not talking about having fun and games. I’m talking about a commitment. Tarin isn’t someone who spreads her legs for any guy who wants her. I wouldn’t be telling you any of this if I wasn’t serious,” I told him in outrage.
He stood there looking at me in amazement and shock. Finally, he said, “Give her an hour to cool down, or she might kill you. You talk then call me. I want to settle everything tonight because I don’t want her to go. Got it?”
I nodded and strolled toward the clubhouse. “I got it. I’ll give her an hour then I’m going. I’ll call you as soon as I can.” He went inside with me. He went over to Ilara, and I went to my room. I needed to get my head on straight and my thoughts in order before I saw her. What I’d said to her out there wasn’t what I wanted to say, and it was out of line. I needed to make this right and get her to open up. I hadn’t lied to Bear, I wanted Tarin. These last couple of weeks had only solidified that for me.
An hour later, when I pulled into the hotel parking lot, I blew out a relieved breath. Her car was here. I’d been half afraid she’d left town. I went to her door and knocked. She didn’t answer. I knocked again, but still no answer. “Tarin, I know you’re in there. I see your car. Come on, open the damn door. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean what I said. I got upset. We need to talk and get this cleared up. I know you’re hurting. Let me help you.”
The door swung open a crack. I was about to sigh in relief then I saw her face. She was looking at me like she was staring at someone she’d never seen before. She was showing no emotion. “I have nothing to say to you, Outlaw. I got the message loud and clear. You said what you meant. Now, I’m saying what I mean. I’ll be leaving soon. Until then, don’t come around me. I don’t want you stopping by or calling me or texting. Nothing. We can just pretend the other doesn’t exist.”
“Goddamn it, I’m not going to pretend you don’t exist. That’s being childish. We need to talk. I know you’re worried about Bear not having room for you in his life, but he does. I had to talk him out of coming here first. I wanted to apologize. Come on, work with me here,” I pleaded.
“There’s nothing to work on. I’m done. It was a foolish idea to think I’d find my dad, and he’d want me. Now leave me alone!”
“I’m not leaving you like this. Let me in and we can talk.” I tried to step into the door, but she had it secured. I could only see part of her face. I could tell she’d been crying. I felt like shit for making her cry. “Please, babe, let me inside.”
She stiffened and shook her head. “No. I want you to leave. If you don’t, I’m calling the police. If you come back, I’m calling the police. If you call or text me, I’m calling the police. Go back to the celebration. I have some celebrating of my own to do.” She held up a bottle of alcohol. Shit! What did I do now? I could push it, but if I did, would it only make it worse?
“I’m not giving up, Tarin. I’ll go, but when you calm down, we’re going to talk,” I warned her. She didn’t say a word. She just slammed the door in my face. I stomped over to my bike and rode back to the compound in a haze of anger. This wasn’t the end of it. She wasn’t going to push us all out of her life. I wouldn’t let her.
When I got back, I called Bear and told him the news. He wasn’t happy. He said he was going to go see her. I warned him she was drinking and might call the cops on him. Afterward, I lay down and tried to think of what I could do to get her to let us in. I fell asleep no closer to an answer than when I started.
??????
The next morning, I talked to Bear. “Yeah, I went to see her. I didn’t get anywhere with her, Outlaw. She was totally shut down. She said that she wasn’t asking for any kind of relationship with me. She knows I have my life, and it’s with Ilara, Hope, and the new baby. She isn’t going to disturb it. She claims she got what she wanted, and it was enough. She got to meet her real dad and let me know she existed.
“What the hell did you say to that?”
“I told her I knew that wasn’t enough. Her words to you proved that. What she told me when she first came here, told me that wasn’t it. She kept denying it. Jesus, the pain and rejection in her eyes and on her face almost killed me. She’s hurting and I don’t know how to stop it. I told her I want her to be in our lives. Even though I plan to adopt Hope and we’re having another baby, she’s still my daughter. I want to get to know her.”
“How did you leave it with her?”
“She said she’d think about it and let me know. I don’t have a good feeling about this, Outlaw. I can’t lose her when I just found her.” His face looked haggard. He didn’t need this on top of the stuff with Hope.
“Should I go try and talk to her again?” I was at a loss what to do.
He shook his head. “Don’t. If you do, I’m afraid it’ll push her right out the door and my life. Let her have a couple of days to think. We’ll keep an eye on her to be sure she doesn’t take off. In the meantime, if you think of anything you think will help, let me know.”
“I will. I’m sorry. I know I made this worse. I overreacted.”
“It’ll work out. It has too. I’ll talk to you later.” He left with a dejected look on his face. I went back to my room and threw myself back into work. I’d concentrate on finding Hamilton while I waited for this thing with Tarin to break. I only hoped when it did, she’d stay.