He grabbed clothes out of his dresser and went into the bathroom. I listened to the water as I tried to wrap my head around him. He was confusing me. Here was this hot, seemingly wonderful man. He took care of people, even a tiny toddler. He had a beautiful house from the little I’d seen. He equipped a guest room for babies and kids, when he didn’t have any of his own. What was wrong with him that I wasn’t seeing? There was no way if he was really this great, he hadn’t been snapped up by now.
He came back into the room as I was trying to decide. He was in a pair of shorts and a t-shirt which molded his body. I tried not to notice how his muscles seemed to strain his clothes. I was sitting on one side of the bed with my back to the headboard. He slowly sat down on the other side and leaned back. He looked over at me.
“Ilara, I’m sorry.”
“Sorry, for what?”
“Sorry that I said what I did earlier that made you sick and pass out again. I never meant for that to happen. I shouldn’t have pushed for an answer.”
“Bear, it’s not your fault. You didn’t know I’d do that. I didn’t know I would do it. I just have tried so hard not to think about what happened, about him, that it shocked me when you said it,” I told him softly.
“Still, I pushed. It’s a thing I do. I want to take care of things and sometimes I push when I shouldn’t. I want you to be able to talk to me.”
“I appreciate it, but I don’t see how that’s going to be a problem. After tomorrow, you won’t have to put up with me.”
He swung around so he faced me. He sat with his legs crossed. “Why won’t I have to put up with you after tomorrow?” he asked me very softly.
“Because I’ll be out of your house and your hair. I appreciate what you did tonight. That was beyond the call of duty but Hope and I will be leaving. I think it’s time to move on and find someplace where I can get a job and make a life for us. I love Hunters Creek, but it’s just not meant to be.”
“Not meant to be because I pushed you or because of the job situation?”
“You didn’t push me, Bear. I need a job. Staying isn’t going to change that. I need to start making money. I want to be able to afford a place to stay.”
“Donovan. Call me Donovan. That’s my real name. Bear is my club name and everyone else uses it. I want you to call me by my real name when it’s just us.”
“Donovan, I like it. You should use it. However, there’s no need to change what people call you. I—”
He cut me off, “Don’t say you’re leaving tomorrow. I can’t let you do that.”
“You can’t let me? You can’t stop me. I’m my own boss,” I told him a little heatedly.
He smiled. “I never said you weren’t, but the only reason you’re leaving is because of a job, right?” I nodded. “Well, we’re working on it and should have one for you any day now. You’ve made friends here already. You have a place to stay. It would be silly to leave.”
“Okay, let’s back up. I have no friends here and I don’t have a place to stay. You said it yourself earlier, I’ve been living in my car.”
“You have, but now you don’t have to. You have friends. What do you call those women who were all downstairs worrying about you? What do you call me? As for a place to stay, you have more than one. You can stay in our complex in town, here on the compound with one of the other couples, or here in my house. Though I’m hoping you’ll decide to stay with me.”
I squirmed at the look in his eyes. I saw appreciation and heat. Oh God, was he saying what I thought he was? He wanted me. Like he wanted to have sex with me and he was willing to let me stay here, if I did? A part of me wondered what it would be like to have him touch me. I wasn’t naïve enough to think all men were rapists, or that I could never enjoy sex again. I just hadn’t run into anyone I wanted to test that out with until I saw him. However, I wasn’t a whore either. I wouldn’t sleep with a man in order to have a roof over my head. I bound to my feet.
He was up and coming around the bed. I held up my hands. “You need to move. I’m out of here. I may have been raped, but I’m not some whore because of it. I don’t sleep with men for money, food, or a roof over my head or my daughter’s. If I did, I could have been sleeping somewhere this whole damn time,” I half-yelled at him. I shoved to get by him, but he didn’t budge. His hands gently grabbed my upper arms. He pulled me into his chest. I slammed my hands down on it.
“Let go of me, Bear!”
“Calm down. I never said you were a whore or even thought it. I wasn’t meaning you could stay here if you had sex with me either, though I’d love it if you’d one day let me make love to you. I want you to stay here, in this house, so I have a fucking chance,” he growled.
“A chance at what?”
“A chance to win your heart, to earn your love. To have a chance at a life with you and your daughter that wouldn’t end until the day we die,” he whispered into my hair. His face was buried there. I froze. I couldn’t have heard him right.
His lips kissed down my hair and then he bent his knees until he got to my face. He lifted my face up with a finger under my chin and then his lips grazed mine. It was a fleeting touch, but I felt it to my toes. I didn’t stop to think, I just reacted. I grasped his head between my hands and placed my mouth on his. He didn’t move for a second then his mouth moved and he took control of mine. He kissed me like I’d never been kissed in my life. His teeth nibbled on my lips and his tongue teased inside to play with my tongue. His hands lifted me until my feet were dangling off the ground. He kissed me until I was breathless and fire was streaking throughout my whole body. Only then did he break the connection and lean back, so he could see my face.
His eyes were blazing as he looked at me. I could feel pressed into my lower half, his hard erection. I should have been afraid. I should have screamed and ran. I should have, but I didn’t. I waited to see what he’d do or say. He was panting like I was.
“That was the best kiss of my life, beautiful. You have no idea how happy that made me feel. Does that mean you’re willing to give me a chance? I swear, I won’t push you. We’ll take it at your pace. I know you went through something horrible. I can’t even imagine it, but I’ll never hurt you like that. If you decide we’re not right for each other and I can’t convince you that we are, I’ll walk away. It’ll kill me, but I’ll do it.”
“Bear…” I saw his eyes flare. I hurried to correct myself. “Donovan, why in the world would you want me? I mean, look at you. You’re handsome, sexy, and appear to be loving. You have a beautiful home, a good life and lots of friends. You can have any woman you want. Why would you want a homeless woman who has a toddler and who was raped?”
He growled as he carried me to the bed. He placed me on it and then lay down beside me. “Whether you were raped or not doesn’t have anything to do with us, except it may dictate how slow we take things and what we do in the bedroom. You’re beautiful, sexy, a great mother who would do anything for her daughter. You’ve protected her from her father and tried to make a life for the two of you. You can have any man you want, so why would you go for a middle-aged man who’s old enough to be your dad? Is my age the problem?”