His head flies up, and his eyes meet mine, his expression softening. “Why would you even think that? Of course you didn’t do anything wrong. I could never regret being with you. It was perfect. You’re perfect.”
I hear the words he’s saying, but the thickness of his voice tells me something’s wrong regardless of him trying to convince me otherwise. Now my mind is running all over the place. Does he have a girlfriend? Did he just cheat on her? Oh, God. Am I a homewrecker?
Going against my initial instincts, I take his hand and put it into mine, needing to touch him in some way. He looks at our joined hands and gives me a small smile.
“Liz, there’s something…”
“Cooper, I need to…”
We both laugh, but I can feel the uneasiness between us. It’s like a wall is being put up and I can’t get over it fast enough to get to his side.
“You go first.” He’s clearly upset, and I think I’ll explode if I don’t find out why he’s done a complete one-eighty.
He sucks in a deep breath and releases it with a sigh. This can’t be good. My heart feels as though it’s going to implode in my chest while I wait impatiently for him to speak.
“Liz, when we met five years ago, I wasn’t looking for love. As you can see now, I’m a fighter. It’s my entire world. I told you a little bit about my dad during our time together, but there’s so much more to it. I won’t get into all the details, but what you need to understand is, I can’t give you what you deserve.”
My hands begin to shake and the lump in my throat is back. I can see where this is going, and it’s clear we’re not on the same page at all. Even if he doesn’t want me, all I can hope for is he’ll at least want our daughter. I hope he doesn’t think I was trying to trap him. What if he doesn’t want her? How will I tell her that her father doesn’t want her? I need to calm down. I’m getting ahead of myself. He hasn’t said anything yet.
“I never thought in a million years I would ever see you again. The connection we shared in Miami ruined me, baby girl. You ruined me. If I was looking for love, I’m pretty damn sure you would be it. No, I am damn sure you would be it. You’re beautiful and sweet and so damn innocent. How you’re still single is crazy. Some guy is going to figure out how amazing you are one day, and when he does, he’ll grab hold of you and never let go. The problem is I’m not looking for love and I’m not the guy for you. I don’t do commitment and I’m not husband or father material. I don’t plan to ever be in a relationship where the girl requires either of those roles from me.”
The entire time he’s saying all this, his head is down like he’s ashamed of himself and can’t look me in my eyes. Finally, he looks up and gives me the saddest smile I’ve ever witnessed, and my heart plummets into the pit of my stomach. My heart beats erratically, making me feel as if I’m having a mini heart attack. He doesn’t stop there though, so I try to remain calm to hear him out.
“When we hooked up in Miami, we both knew it was a one-time thing, but then when I saw you tonight at the fight, my head started to spin. I never thought about what I would do if I saw you again. I reacted without thinking. What we did tonight was wrong. The fact is you deserve the entire world. You deserve the husband and kids and goddamned white picket fence and the happily ever after, and I can’t give you any of that. I never should’ve touched you knowing I have no intention of being with you in any way but physical.”
“Why can’t you?” That’s the only thing that comes out of my mouth in response to what he just said. Is it that he doesn’t want any of that or is there something stopping him from being able to have it all?
He lets out long sigh and says the words I was praying he wouldn’t say. “I don’t want any of that.” I can feel a panic attack coming on, my heart shattering into a million pieces. The air is leaving my lungs, and it’s hard to breathe. I need to get out of here before he sees me lose it.
He doesn’t want it.
He doesn’t want me.
He doesn’t want our little girl.
He doesn’t want to be a part of our lives.
I get up slowly from the bed and will my body to hold back the tears that are forming. “I understand.”