“Talk to me. What’s happened? Did you get into a fight with Cal? I thought things were good between you.”
Ethan walked into the living room and dropped down onto the couch, unsure of where to start.
“It’s okay, little brother, breathe.” Seb took a seat beside him, breathing deeply in and out so Ethan would follow along. “That’s it. Breathe. Good. I’m right here with you. Take your time.”
Ethan opened his mouth, but he got choked up. He let out a frustrated grunt, and Seb put his hand on Ethan’s shoulder.
“It’s okay. There’s no rush. It’s you and me here.”
Ethan nodded. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Cal, he got hurt because of me.”
“When? Is he okay?”
Ethan shook his head. “It was a long time ago. One Halloween. Remember the one where he didn’t come over because he slipped on the eggs?”
“I remember. We watched movies all night. You were really worried about him. But that wasn’t your fault.”
“He never slipped on any eggs,” Ethan replied, his anger rising. He jumped to his feet, his whole body practically vibrating with anger. “He got jumped. Some asshole seniors jumped him. They held him down.” Ethan shook his head and shut his eyes. He didn’t want to picture it. Didn’t want to hear Calvin’s screams in his head as they mutilated him. Ethan smacked his hands against his ears to make it stop. He was having trouble breathing again.
“Ethan, breathe. In and out.”
Ethan dropped to his knees and closed his eyes tight. Why wouldn’t the screaming stop? “So much blood.”
“Explain it to me, Ethan.” Seb took hold of Ethan’s face, his words gentle but firm. “Open your eyes, Ethan. Look at me. It’s Seb. Look at me.”
Ethan opened his eyes, his brother’s kind and loving gaze reminding Ethan of all the times his big brother had held him and promised to slay all the monsters for him. Seb nodded, breathing with him. He laid his hand on Ethan’s head, and Ethan could breathe again. The touch was comforting, always had been. The letters…. Ethan dug his fingernails into his neck, wishing he could scrape the letters off. He’d do anything to get them off. He hated them.
“No. We talked about that, remember? Don’t do that. Don’t hurt yourself. It hurts me, okay? It hurts me when you try to hurt yourself.”
“I’m sorry.” He hadn’t done that in years. It was like he was a kid again, so much p
ain, so much fear. “They took a knife and carved the letters into his head. He never told me. Why wouldn’t he tell me? They hurt him because of me. He’s scarred. They scarred him. They fucking scarred him!”
Seb stared at him before quickly shaking himself out of it. “What did Cal say?”
“That he didn’t want to scare me.”
“He’s always protected you. He loves you.”
“And what’s that love cost him?” Ethan snapped. All his life, Calvin had been kicked around and beaten. It should have stopped when his dad left. Instead the pain inflicted on him by his father had been replaced by the pain inflicted on him for being with Ethan.
“It didn’t cost him anything he wasn’t willing to give. I’d have done the same, and you would have done the same for him. That’s what love is. You’re his whole world, Ethan. Do you think he would have stuck around if he didn’t love you so fiercely?”
Ethan swallowed hard. He couldn’t deny that. He would walk through the fires of hell for Calvin. He understood why Calvin hadn’t told him, but he couldn’t stop thinking of what he had endured for Ethan. “I bring him nothing but pain.”
“If that was true, he wouldn’t have fallen in love with you, Ethan. Call him. Tell him to come here.”
“No. I can’t. I can’t see him.”
“Ethan, you can’t run away from this.” Seb took hold of Ethan’s face, his green eyes the same as Ethan’s. His brother understood the kind of love Calvin had for him. His heart was burning for it, had been since Hudson. “Those scars are a part of him. You can’t let the guilt eat away at you and ruin what you have with him, believe me. I know a thing or two about that. Do you love him?”
Ethan closed his eyes. “Yes.”
“Then tell him. He needs you, Ethan.”
Ethan nodded. Seb was right. Calvin had never run away. He stood up and faced whatever came his way, no matter how scared he might have been. Seb handed Ethan his smartphone, and Ethan called Calvin.
“Seb? What’s wrong? Is Ethan okay?”