“You almost got yourself killed. Why? Because I’m your teammate? Your friend? Because I’m the little brother you never had? What exactly am I to you, Ash? Every time I get my hopes up that you might…. You pull away or do something to make me think I’m wrong.”
“You’re not wrong.”
Cael took hold of Ash’s hand. “Then why can’t we—”
“No.” Ash pulled his hand away, and Dex saw his brother’s heart split in two. Dex would have been royally pissed off at Ash for breaking his brother’s heart like this if it weren’t for the fact the guy looked equally devastated. What Dex couldn’t understand was why? Ash obviously felt something more for Cael than friendship. Dex could see how much he wanted to be with Cael. So why wasn’t he?
“I’m sorry, Cael. I can’t.”
“Because you’re not gay? Bi? Whatever you want to call the fact you feel something for me? For fuck’s sake, Ash. You’re lying in a hospital bed after surgery for taking a bullet for me. How can that be harder than telling me the truth? I love you.”
Ash closed his eyes. “Why did you say that?”
“Because it’s true. I’ve been in love with you for a while. I kept hoping you would realize it. I just don’t understand. Can’t you at least tell me why?” Cael waited, the room uncomfortably silent. Ash looked up at Cael, the pain evident in his eyes.
“Cael, I don’t want to lose you. But I’ve got a lot of shit to work out. You deserve to be happy, and right now, I just don’t think I’d make you happy.”
Cael deflated before them. He nodded quietly and seemed to get lost in thought. Dex knew his brother well. There were two possible outcomes to this, neither of which would be easy on any of them. His brother would either slink off to lick his wounds and spend the next few months sulking, or he would do what Dex expected was happening now when Cael looked up at Ash. His pale gray eyes clouded over, and his jaw clenched. He straightened and held his head high.
“If that’s what you want. Fine. Thank you for saving my life. I don’t take such an act lightly.”
“Cael….” Ash pleaded.
“It’s fine, Ash. Just get better. Our team needs you.”
There was no point in saying anything else. Dex knew it and it looked like Ash did too. He nodded and watched Cael leave the room, closing the door firmly behind him. More silence followed. After what seemed like forever, Ash spoke up, his voice quiet.
“He hates me.”
“He doesn’t hate you. He’s protecting himself. When something really bad happens, he shuts down.” Dex had seen it happen plenty of times. He didn’t envy Ash’s position. Cael was sweet and kind, but when he was truly fucked off, his claws came out. And no one wanted to be at the end of a cheetah Therian’s temper.
“I never meant for him to end up hurt. I just… I couldn’t help it. Wherever he was, I needed to be there too. I was weak.”
Dex felt for Ash. He didn’t know the reasons behind his gruff teammate turning Cael away, but he hoped it was worth the personal hell he’d just unleashed.
“Ash, I’m sorry about all the shit I gave you. What you did was impressive and admirable. I shouldn’t have been such a judgmental prick.” The words didn’t come easy, but Dex wasn’t afraid to admit when he was wrong. Ash stared at him. He looked like he didn’t know what to make of Dex. Not exactly a surprise considering their less than friendly relationship.
“Thanks, Daley.” He turned his gaze toward the ceiling. “So what am I in for with your brother?”
Dex cringed. “I’m not going to lie to you. He will fucking shred you like string cheese if he gets the opportunity. The only thing worse than him miserable is him fucked off and hurt when he doesn’t know why. He’ll hurt you, Ash. He might not mean to deep down, but he’s in serious pain, and the only way he knows how to deal with it is to lash out at whoever caused it.” Dex expected Ash to growl about it or get annoyed. Instead he closed his eyes.
“Whatever he does, I deserve it.”
Damn. He never thought he’d feel worse for Ash than his brother. As much as he hated that Ash had broken his brother’s heart, as Dex had feared he would, whatever was going on with Ash had to be just as difficult. Why else would he push away someone he clearly wanted to be with so badly? Dex didn’t know what else he could do other than say, “I’m sorry.”
Ash turned his face away and nodded. He muttered, “Thanks,” before Dex saw the steady rise and fall of his chest. Ash was asleep, and all Dex could do was sit back and hope Ash knew what he was doing.
IT WASN’T until the next morning that Sloane managed to get away from work. HQ was buzzing with activity. The remaining members of the Order were being rounded up and brought in by the truckloads. Reyes was behind bars, his sentence reduced for having cooperated with the THIRDS. Preston Merritt was dead, and his groggy teammates were under interrogation, though as of recently refusing to talk about Beck Hogan who was still out there with a small number of operatives. Sloane had been right about the Coalition looking to get revenge. Beck Hogan’s sister and mother had been killed by the Westward Creed during the riots. Themis was in the process of matching up victims from the Westward Creed murders to the Therians in their custody. Sloane needed to speak with Ash to find out if his friend had managed to glean any information on their mole.
Sloane had found Dex napping along with Ash. He’d stood there for a second watching his partner. His arms were folded over his chest; his hand rested on the Glock in the holster under his arm. Sloane made certain to let the door click when he shut it, and as expected, it roused his partner who quickly sat up. When Dex saw it was him, he relaxed and gave Sloane a smile, followed by a sleepy yawn.
“Thanks for staying,” Sloane said quietly, taking a seat beside Dex and leaning in for a kiss. It was silly, but he’d missed Dex in the short period they’d been apart.
“No problem. He’s been asleep for hours. Calvin and Hobbs dropped by earlier to see him.” Dex’s concerned expression wasn’t lost on Sloane, and he took Dex’s hand in his.
“What’s wrong?”
“I should go check on Cael. He was upset when he left.”