N’deen drifts in, leaning forward close to the fire. “What smells so good?”
For some reason, hearing her compliment makes me uncomfortable. I poke the meat again. “Just…dvisti.”
“Well, it smells incredible,” she says, beaming at me. “Made me and Thrand come racing over here to see what was for dinner.”
“You are welcome to as much as you like, of course.” I have been cooking at a small fire off to the side of the main one, because I did not wish to disrupt the system in place. Those that do not hunt take turns cooking for the main camp, and right now P’nee ladles a stew and casts a curious glance over in my direction.
“O’jek is an amazing cook. He really can make anything taste incredible.”
I stiffen in surprise, my tail swaying at D’see’s proud voice. I glance over at her and she meets my gaze, her expression sweet and guileless. It means nothing, I tell myself. You are friends. You can yet be friends if you are not mates.
And a deeper, darker voice whispers in my mind, You can yet resonate.
I push that thought aside and concentrate on the meat.
Once it is tender enough and falling apart, I fish the biggest leaves out of the broth, as they are there only to provide flavor when cooking and do not taste good eaten. Then, I dish the roast out to N’deen and Th’rand and the others that hold bowls out to me. Soon, it seems as if everyone has stopped by for a taste, and there is not enough to go around. V’za gives me a disappointed look when his bowl contains mostly broth. “I will make more tomorrow,” I promise him. “I did not realize…”
“That you’re a good cook? I’ve told you that before.” Again, D’see appears nearby. She clutches a bowl to her chest. An empty one, I notice, and I feel a sharp pang of regret.
“You did not eat?” I ask, unable to help myself.
She shrugs. “Penny has food. It’s no big deal. I just wanted to try yours, but I’ve had your cooking before.” D’see gives me another gentle smile and then moves over to the other fire to get her dinner. I watch her leave, devouring the sight of her.
She truly grows more radiant by the day, and a dark, awful part of me wonders if it is because I’rec or R’jaal has decided to take her up on her need for a mate.
It should not bother me, I tell myself. Not if I have pushed her away and declined her offer.
But…it does. It bothers me enormously.
In my head, she is still my mate. My heart has not yet moved on. I do not know if it ever will.
A heavy snow starts to fall after dinner, making the gathered tribe scatter and remove to their huts. Too late, I realize that my things are still in D’see’s hut, that I moved them there after I initially agreed to be part of her plan.
I will need to go there to retrieve my furs unless I want to sleep in a snowdrift.
I linger by the fire for just a bit longer, until the winds pick up and it grows uncomfortable to be outside. I kick sand over the last embers of my fire pit and then head toward D’see’s hut. My breath speeds up, my heart pounding. Will she be annoyed to see me? Or will she be expecting this?
Will she be…glad?
I pace on the beach for a short time and then gather my courage and scratch at the covering on the door.
“Come in,” D’see calls, her voice muffled against the howling wind.
I duck inside, shaking off the snow, and scan the hut. D’see is in her bed of furs, wearing a loose tunic that gapes at the neck and shows the enticing swell of her cleavage. Her mane is messy around her shoulders, and I notice she wears a look of surprise. Hot jealousy flashes through me, and I cannot stop the words that spill from my mouth. “Were you expecting someone else?”
Her pretty mouth opens and then shuts again. “Actually, I wasn’t expecting anyone,” she confesses. “But you least of all.” She toys with the furs pooled in her lap. “You’re avoiding me.”
“It is easier.”
“Is it?” she asks, and her voice sounds sad. “It’s not to me. I’ve lost my lover and my best friend both.”
“We…we can still be friends,” I offer. I would give anything to return to how we were before. To me pining after D’see and her ignoring it. That was safe, I decide. No one could get hurt if we did not touch. Now everything is a mess.
She smiles at me from the safety of her furs, her face so beautiful it makes me ache to look at her. “I would love that.”