I know her. And that is why I dread telling her what just happened on the beach with P’nee and S’bren. So I stall for a bit. I pick up the discarded bowl and hold it out again. “It is not as good as what I make, but you still must eat.”
She glances over at me, a wry smile on her pink mouth, and her eyes brim with unshed tears. “Veronica worked on me today. Does my face look better? Be honest.”
Unable to resist, I reach out and run my fingers through her soft mane. It is longer now, the strands fine and clinging to my work-roughened hands. I would give anything for D’see to lean into my caress, but she only watches me with intent, hopeful eyes. “Your mane is longer. The color is different.”
“But my face?”
I pause. “Less red?”
She bites her lip. “But still ugly.”
“Never ugly. Never.” She does not understand that when I look at her, I do not see scars. I see the bright-eyed, eager female who gave up a life of ease because she wished so desperately for a true mate and a family of her own. She is yet that female, and she is still perfection to me. Her face could be riddled with thick, ugly scars and she would take my breath away every time she smiled. “You are cruel to yourself.”
“Just realistic.” But she takes another bite and then makes a face. “Your food is way better.”
“I know.” It fills me with secret pride to hear her praise. A hunter should not care if his food is better than sufficient, but I like cooking. I like cooking for her most of all. “If you eat all of this, I will make you the root cakes you like for breakfast.”
D’see groans, making a face at me even as she takes another bite. “You drive a hard bargain.”
“Do I? A’tam will laugh when he hears I am feeding you again. Bad enough that you have stolen my hut and I make fire for you.” I nudge her with my shoulder, the words both a tease and a gentle admonishment. She does not take care of herself, and she does not contribute like she should. I’rec finds her frustrating and worthless, for all that she is a female and therefore should be cherished. But I know D’see better than the others and I have been silently encouraging her to take those steps toward independence. Toward becoming a useful part of the tribe.
She has not, but I do not give up hope. I will never give up on D’see.
“Yeah, my fire is out again,” D’see says with a sigh, then chews on a chunk of root. She tips the bowl up to drink the broth, and then looks over at me. “So what did I miss back at camp? Let me guess, I’rec wants Tia’s letters read again. I never thought of the big guy as such a romantic, but here we are.”
I am silent, considering the best way to break the news to her. How do I tell her that another has resonated in the way it will hurt the least?
She notices my silence and gives me a wary look. “What?”
“D’see,” I begin.
“Oh no,” she moans, setting the bowl down immediately and wrapping her arms around her chest as if to protect herself. “What, O’jek? What is it?”
I hesitate, then decide the best way to tell is the quickest. “P’nee and S’bren have resonated. Again.”
Her face is carefully blank. She blinks once. Twice. Then her lower lip quivers and her face crumples.
“I know,” I tell her, and slide closer. I put my arm around her shoulders and when she buries her face against my neck, I hold her tight. “I know.”
CHAPTER 3
DAISY
It’s so unfair.
I sob against O’jek’s warm skin, hating that I’m so wrecked at the news and unable to help myself. I love Penny. I love S’bren. Penny is just the warmest, friendliest person, and S’bren doesn’t have a mean bone in his body. They adore each other and their little girl, Brenna, is as cute as could be. I’m happy for them.
It’s me that I’m devastated for.
Each time one of the happy couples resonates a second time, another little part of me dies inside. Why does resonance skip me and Flor time and time again? Why does it go back to others who have already resonated, and completely ignore us? What’s wrong with us that we don’t deserve a soulmate? Flor handles this better than I do. She says she’s content to wait.
I’m not.
I feel as if I’ve been waiting forever.
Yet each time someone else resonates, I’m reminded that I’ve been ignored. That my khui is silent. I deliberately picked this planet because Niri had told me about Mardok, and how he’d stayed here because Farli resonated to him. It sounded so romantic that I’d wanted a soulmate of my own. And babies! How I want babies. It sounded like this planet would give me everything that I lacked at Johani’s side as I pretended to be his mate for appearances. And yet here I am, years later, with nothing to show for my efforts but ice-chapped skin and burns on my face…and regret.