I watched him, my branch hand cradling the back of his head. “Do you remember anything from the throne room? When I came to get you?”
Lonan’s nose scrunched just a little, and I bit my lip as sweet warmth filled me at the sight. He shook his head.
“Not really. Not much. I’d been stuck like that for too long.”
I pursed my lips, wondering how he’d react to what I was about to say. “I, um… I shot Balor in the dick.”
Lonan froze, staring up at me. “What?”
“I shot him in the dick with an arrow.” My jaw clenched. “Gillie told me what Odran had heard.”
I didn’t want to embarrass him, but I didn’t want to keep secrets from him either. Lonan’s face flushed, eyes tightening with shame before he looked down.
“I didn’t know,” he said quietly, his hand reaching over to finger the thick scar circling his right forearm. “I didn’t know he…”
“I know.” I leaned forward and kissed the side of his wet head. “Do you think it killed him?”
He snorted without humour. “Probably not.”
I chewed on my lower lip. “Do you… do you think Gadleg’s venomdidkill the Carlin?”
He stiffened at that. “No. I would know.”
“Why? Because you’re related? Would you be able to sense it?”
“No, I…” He looked down at his hands, then lifted his head to gaze at me. “Because I… Because I’ll become king when she dies.”
I froze, staring back at him. Silence filled the small room, broken only by the crackle of the fire and faint lapping of water as Lonan shifted slightly in the bath.
“How do you know?” I asked hoarsely.
“Ogma told me. When I found her.” His eyes flared, and he reached up to grip my branch arm tight. “I made a deal with her, Ash. For the Carlin’s name. I have her name.”
“Wh-what?”
“I have the Carlin’s true name. The only way to control her.” He licked his lips. “The only way to kill her.”
I stared at him. “You… you want to kill her?”
“Yes.” The muscle in Lonan’s cheek ticked. “At first it was just to keep you safe from her. Now it’s… for everything.”
I nodded slowly. “I vowed to kill her. In the throne room.”
I undid the first few buttons on my shirt to pull it to the side, showing Lonan the black X etched into my skin on my left shoulder. He reached over and traced it, his eyes darting to the favour at my throat before dropping lower.
“Is… is the one you made to me still there?”
“Yes.” I undid a few more buttons to show him. “But it’s faded now. More like a scar.”
He traced it with his fingertips, pain tightening his eyes for a moment before he looked up at me with a tiny smile.
“I’m sorry,” I croaked as I buttoned my shirt back up to hide it, the guilt still sitting heavy in my stomach.
He shook his head. “You don’t need to be sorry for it. I deserved it.”
“You didn—” My throat closed up, not letting me say it. My heart gave a mighty lurch as Lonan’s eyes turned fearful. He stared at me before looking away quickly.
I swallowed, wishing I could get the words out. A part of me must have felt like he had deserved it—had deserved to lose me for a while—and I hated it. Hated the pain he’d gone through. But at the same time, I knew it was because of everything that had happened since. Everything I’d managed to do. Maybe we’d needed the clean break to wipe everything away. All the secrets. Maybe I’d needed to be on my own for a while after everything that had happened with the Carlin.