Chapter Thirty-Six
SHED YOUR MORTAL SKIN SHED YOUR MORTAL SKIN SHED YOUR MORTAL SKIN SHED YOUR MORTAL SKIN YOU’RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME
The note made my heart thud too hard in my chest, filling me with an overwhelming sense of urgency to do something I didn’t even know how to.
Why wasn’t Nua telling me how? Why weren’tanyof them telling me how, if this was what they all wanted? Even Lonan didn’t outright tell me. Just offered ideas and encouraged me to do the things he thought might work.
I was so sick of this. If I knew how to shed my mortal skin, I would have done it just to get it to stop.
I shivered, standing in the muffled silence of the snow beside the forest. We were in the dead of winter now. Spring felt an age away. Nua had mentioned before that the Mild Months were approaching, which I knew began on the first of May, and that the Carlin would be growing impatient.
Impatient for what? For me to shed my mortal skin? Why did I need to do it before the first of May? I’d been here months and months now. What would happen to me if I hadn’t done it by the first of May?
I shivered harder and pulled my coat tight around myself, the snow crunching under my boots as I walked back to the cottage. The chickens were tucked away in their warm coop, hiding from the cold. I’d shovelled the fresh snow out of their yard and checked on my garden, making sure the delicate herbs were still safely covered to protect them from the frost.
I kicked the snow off my boots before stepping inside, leaving them by the front door and sighing when I stepped into the warmth of the living room. I hung my coat up on the hook by the bedroom door and quickly stuffed the note under my mattress with the others, not wanting to look at it anymore. Not wanting to think about the fact that I was failing at something I didn’t even understand how to do.
I went into the kitchen and ladled some tea into my mug, then sat down at the table with my notebook. It was too cold to leave the window open for the cat now, so I kept an ear out for any soft mewls coming from outside.
Pulling theAdvanced Drachmsmithbook closer, I flipped it open with unease fizzing in my gut. When I’d read it, one of the recipes had caught my eye, but I’d been too nervous to even consider attempting it.
But I was apparently running out of time. Even though it could have meant playing right into the Carlin’s hands, doing exactly what she wanted, I had to try. Nua was telling me to shed my mortal skin too—making it seem like doing so would let me leave. I wasn’t sure if I trusted him either, but the wolf always made sure I spotted his notes. And I trusted the wolf. Out of everyone except Lonan, he was the one I trusted the most.
But my insides clenched up with misery as I turned to the right page and stared down at the recipe.Brew to strengthen power potency for a brief time.Because if this worked, and it meant I could escape into the forest… would I be able to leave Lonan?
Everything in me was screaming no. I didn’t want to leave him. The thought of not being with him made my chest hurt. But did that mean that even if I managed to shed my mortal skin, I would stay? For him? Even though I had no idea what his mother had in store for me?
I stared at the recipe, running my eyes down the list of ingredients. I had all of these. I could make this.
It could work.
And even if I stayed… becoming full fae would give me more control here. Lessen the power imbalance between me and literally everyone else. Maybe if I became full fae, I’d be able to master potioncraft. I’d be able to protect myself better from whatever the Carlin wanted with me. Maybe Lonan would help me—maybe shedding my mortal skin would mean he could be freer with his words.
Maybe once I was full fae, we wouldn’t have to hide anymore. We could be together openly.
That strengthened my resolve. I’d do it for him. For us. Because he wanted me to, and I trusted him. I didn’t trust his mother, and I still wasn’t sure if I trusted Nua, but I trustedhim.
I opened my notebook to start copying down the recipe. Maybe it was just superstition, but it felt like my potions only worked because I wrote them out myself—because I read the ingredients and the instructions from my own handwriting. My own words.
The recipe said I had to make the potion under a new moon, then leave it to steep for a day. I knew it was a new moon tonight. I’d make it tonight and let Lonan know tomorrow, so he could be here with me when I took it. In case it worked.
I was just getting up to start going through my ingredients on the sideboard when a sharp knock made me pause. I knew it was Lonan—I recognised his brisk knock immediately.
Biting my lip to hold back my smile, I walked quickly through the living room to answer the door. I was excited to tell him—I wanted him to be proud of me. For finding something on my own. I wanted him to be a part of it, in case it worked and he got to witness me finally achieve the one thing I’d been brought here to do.
“It was me,” he blurted out the moment I opened the door.
“What?” I stepped back to let him in. “What was you?”
“All of them.”
“All of what?” I frowned as I pulled him into the living room, his fingers cold in mine.
“The wolf.”
I froze in utter shock.
“The cat. The blackbird.” His black eyes burned, pleading for me to understand. “All of it. The—the bird when you were young. The beetle. The moth.”