My breath caught. The huge moth that had landed on my phone, on the night of my birthday.
“I’m sorry,” he blurted when I said nothing, clutching my hands. “I’m sorry for deceiving you. But I—I just wanted to… It’s easier for me to show things when I’m—not me. And I—You were so sad when you first got here. I couldn’t stand it.”
“Were… were you the moth I always saw in my room at uni?” I stared at him. “I saw them in there all the time.”
He nodded, looking down at the floor.
“I’m sorry for deceiving you,” he mumbled again.
“You… you’ve watched me this whole time? Since I was little?”
I remembered all of them. The black cat in my garden. The blackbird. The stag beetle. The pure black butterfly that had landed on my cheek one morning when I was eight, when I’d been outside in a strop because dad hadn’t let me go to the park with my friends. The fat black frog that had watched me whenever I went to the big pond in the field behind my house. The pure black bumblebee that had hovered outside my bedroom window every afternoon for one summer when I was eleven, never coming in even when the window was open.
The black moth that had appeared on my windowsill almost every night when I was at uni, leaving tiny trails of dust behind.
The cat that had tried to warn me, the night I was taken by the Folk. Frantically trying to get me to go inside, where I would have been protected behind cold black iron.
“I’ve wanted you since we were boys,” Lonan said, his voice shaky with suppressed emotion. “I wanted you the moment I first saw you, when I went to your house to see the boy all the Folk were visiting. I should have been truthful, when you asked me if I was the wolf during the game of favours. I shouldn’t have twisted your words back to you.”
My throat tightened. Maybe I should have been angry that he had hidden this from me. That it had been him all along—the wolf I’d cried to. The cat I’d curled up with on the bed.
All the things I’d admitted, all the secrets I’d told—they’d all been to him. It had been him this whole time.
A faint cluck from one of the hens outside made my eyes abruptly get hot. I’d told the cat I wanted eggs, so Lonan had gotten me chickens. I’d told the wolf I wanted meat, so he’d caught rabbits for me. I’d talked about wanting to buy seeds but having no money. Then Lonan had appeared with a fat bag of coins, telling me to go into the village to buy clothes for a dinner with his mother.
“Ash, I’m sorry—” he rasped when I stayed silent.
“I’m not angry,” I interrupted, stepping closer and cupping his face. His cheeks were flushed and cold from outside, black eyes miserable as he gazed at me.
He flinched slightly when I let out a bark of watery laughter.
“I can’t believe it was you this whole time.” I leaned in and kissed his cheek, nuzzling him there. “I feel so stupid. How could I not have known? The black eyes. IknewI recognised those eyes.”
He let out a shuddering breath when I kissed him, his lips clinging to mine.
“You’re not stupid,” he murmured when we broke apart. “Not at all. I tried to hide it.”
I snorted. “Yeah, pretending you’d been asleep when you changed into the wolf and sat to wait for me just after leaving as yourself. I thought the cat was scared of you—I thought that was why he always left when you were coming here.”
I rested my hands on his chest, feeling the hard thud of his heart. He’d been so nervous to tell me. I softened even more.
“You tried to warn me,” I murmured. “The night I was taken. You tried to stop it.”
He nodded, leaning in to press his mouth to my cheek. “Yes.”
Chuckling, I gave his chest a weak shove. “And you saw me nakedso muchas the cat. Before we’d ever done anything.”
He leaned back, looking sheepish. A delicate flush stained his cheeks.
“I tried not to look.” Black eyes flitted to me through thick lashes. “It was difficult.”
I laughed again, wrapping my arms round his neck. “Will you still come back? As the wolf and the cat?”
He stared at me. “You want me to?”
“Yes.” I grinned at him. “You’re playful as the wolf. And affectionate as the cat. Not that you aren’t affectionate as your normal self now.”
His flush deepened, his fingers twisting in the buttons of my shirt. “It’s… easier to be that way as them. Not myself.”