“The same as yesterday, baby. The chemo is hard on her. She’s losing her hair.”
Em’s eyes shine with tears. “God, I just wish I could be there. I could make her strawberry pancakes, and watch old soaps with her.”
“I just… I wish I could take this away from her. I would in a heartbeat.”
“You being there is everything to her Graham, I just know it. Your Ma needed you and you just being there and being strong for her is all you can do. I’m so sorry this is happening, I wish I could be there with you and Michelle. So bad. I miss her.Crap, Charlotte just rolled over into Quinn and I think they must’ve bumped each other.”
I can hear the girls crying in the background so I say, “Call me back once they’re asleep, babe. I love you, all three of you so damn much.”
We quickly hang up, so she can tend to the girls, and I take a shower and check on Mom for the twelfth time since dinner. Allie had to work late tonight, so it’s just her and me here tonight.
“Graham Anthony, quit hovering over me,” Ma chides, taking a seat on the couch in the living room. She’s been trying to knit for the past few weeks, I guess something to take her mind off the chemo.
“Ma, I’m not hovering. I’m just checking on you.”
Her eyes narrow, and she raises her brows, as if telling meyeah right. Alright, fine, maybe I’m hovering a little bit, but I feel fucking helpless. Imagine someone you love more than anything in the world, with everything inside of you, and then imagine them hurting constantly and there’s nothing at all you can do about it. I feel like I’ve got my head in my ass, and that I’m helpless.
It’s a horrible feeling. Which is why I’ve probably been hovering so much.
“Are you missing the girls?”
I nod. “Yeah, so damn much.”
“I bet you are. You know, you can go home and be with them, Graham. I’m okay, and those girls need their daddy.”
“Ma, I’m not leaving you. Period. I’ll visit in a couple of weeks, but I’m here until you’re better.”
I swallow thickly, the lump of emotion in my throat making it difficult to breathe. We both know that could be a while. And that thought has been in the back of my mind constantly, the fact that I might have to be away from my girls for longer than I anticipated. But, I can’t leave Ma. Not right now.
I just wish that Em and the girls could be here with me, and I’ll miss them every damn second until they’re in my arms again.
Everything sucks, and I’m not having an easy time with it. My phone buzzes with a notification and I pull it out, glancing down at the group text on the screen.
Reed: G, how’s Ma Adams?
Asher: Tell her again how much I love the scarf she knitted for me.
Hudson: Seriously, he’s been wearing it everywhere.
My brothers. Without them, I don’t think I’d be making it through this. It just goes to show how much you rely on the people you love during times like these, because I have been.
Me: You actually wore that thing? It was hideous, Asher.
Asher: shrugs emoji She made it for me, so I’m wearing it, Adams. Shut up. How is she today?
I look over at her, her eyes zeroed in on some soap opera on the tv as her hands work slowly on whatever she’s knitting. There are deep purple and blue bags under her eyes, and she’s lost weight. The chemo makes her appetite shit, and we’ve tried everything under the sun to get her to eat. Her skin hangs slightly off her bones.
It makes me so goddamn sad and overcome with worry.
Me: Another day. The chemo is making her tired and grumpy, I think. She’s not eating the way she should.
Briggs: Mads and I sent her a basket of yarn and some of our favorite cookies. Hopefully, it puts a smile on her face. The girls are working night and day over here to put together stuff for her. Wish we could all be there, man. We love you.
Reed: Ditto.
Asher: Same
Hudson: Love you, big guy.