He needs to focus on Evan and his hockey career. Not to mention, I’ll lose Emery if she finds out I am in love with her brother. There are so many things working against us. Despite all of that, though, I still wish things were different.
Tonight, he’s freshly showered. His messy curls are disheveled as always, and he’s wearing a pair of light wash jeans with a black Henley. As always, the butterflies in my stomach seem to explode the second his gaze lands on mine. His eyes travel down my body and a smirk forms on his lips.
“Even better in person.”
My stomach dips at the raspy tone of his voice. “Come in.” I hold the door open for him to pass through.
“Your dad asleep?”
I nod. “He had a rough day today so he went to bed early.”
Reed sets the bag of takeout down on the sofa table then walks over and pulls me to him. “I fucking can’t stop thinking about you.”
He leans down and presses his lips against mine. His hands, strong and calloused, hold my back, pressing me to him.
Before things get carried away, I pull my lips from his and take a step back. “You said you’d behave.”
Shrugging sheepishly, he laughs. “I said I would try. I did.”
“Now let me feed you.”
That I am not going to argue with. I’ve been neglecting myself and I’m starving. Aside from Em’s visit earlier, and making Dad supper, I’ve been locked away all day, trying to make headway on my thesis.
I grab the takeout from the table and then Reed’s hand, leading him into my room. It’s only now that I’m realizing my room is very much still the room I had in high school and I probably should’ve picked it up before I told him to come by. I set the food down on my nightstand and quickly start to pick up discarded clothes and books that are strewn everywhere.
“I’m sorry it’s a mess, I haven’t had a chance to clean much yet,” I mumble. I shove the clothes in the hamper and put the books on the shelf. I’m flustered, but when Reed walks over and takes a book from my hand, setting it down on the shelf behind me, then takes my chin in his hand, that feeling evaporates.
“Don’t care what your room looks like, babe. I’m here for you.” He smirks. “And this pizza burrito.”
I jab him in the ribs. He leans down and presses a soft, surprisingly chaste kiss to my lips before turning back to the food.
It’s a simple moment, but it speaks volumes. About who Reed really is. My fragile heart will never survive this, but I don’t want to let him go. Sometimes love can be selfish, and right now, I know that I want to hold on to whatever I have with Reed rather than give him up.
We sit across from each other on my bed and eat dinner, but before we’re even done, Reed pushes the food aside and climbs over me then kisses me until we’re breathless.
He’s a drug, and I can’t get enough.
Reed Davidson is the kind of man that you never forget. No matter how much time has passed.
We lie down together on my bed, and Reed flips my bedside lamp off. Above our heads, still glued on the ceiling, are the glow-in-the-dark stars that Emery got me for my sixteenth birthday that still glow just as brightly as the day she gave them to me.
He takes my hand in his and simply holds it. His fingers tightly wound in mine.
This moment between us feels… different. More intimate. The kind of moment that feels monumental, even in the simplicity of it.
“Do you believe in soul mates?” his deep, raspy voice asks.
I look over at him, but can only make out the silhouette of his face in the glow of the fake Milky Way on my ceiling.
“I do. It’s fascinating to think somewhere out there in the world, there’s someone made just for you. Specifically designed for you.”
“Yeah. I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. You know my dad left when Emery was a baby.”
I nod, and he continues, “I spoke with him for the first time since he left, a few months ago. I haven’t stopped thinking about it. About him. And I’m mad at myself for it. For giving him that power over me. I’m angry and I’m fucked up, Holland.”
The pain in his voice breaks my heart. Shatters it into tiny shards. I roll toward him and climb over him until I’m lying on top of him. My ear’s pressed to his chest while I count the steady thrums of his heartbeat. His hand finds my hair, absentmindedly twirling a loose strand between his fingers.
“I guess the conversation with him made me face shit in my head that I had been tucking away, avoiding. Pretending wasn't really a problem and now I’m facing it. It’s not easy, but I think I’m ready to forgive him and I think that it has a lot to do with Evan. He’s changed me in the short time he’s been here, and I can’t imagine going back to how my life was before him. It’s like the man upstairs knew that I needed him, even when I didn’t know it myself.”
“I think that our future is always laid out for us, even before we’re ready to see it. Sometimes we’re comfortable in our lives and we don’t want to see the change that’s needed. That’s why people are so blindsided when their lives up and change, because they don’t want to face the truth. What you’re doing is brave, Reed. It’s personal growth and that takes courage.”
He exhales. His fingers slide into my hair at the nape of my neck as his thumb rubs gentle circles into my scalp. “It doesn’t feel like it sometimes, but I think the only way that I can move forward is by forgiving him and letting it go.”
I sit up slightly on his chest, and brush a lock of curl off his forehead. It feels like second nature to be this way with Reed. “You can’t control other people’s actions, but you can control whether or not you let it affect you. I think that dealing with the hurt from him will allow you to move on.”
Reed’s quiet for a moment. His other hand runs lightly down my arm, causing goosebumps to erupt on the skin his fingertips brush against. The air in the room feels different, like a shift has happened. I can feel it, and if I had to bet, Reed does too.
“You’re a good man, Reed,” I whisper in the dark with the stars glowing above us. My eyes grow heavy, exhaustion seeping into my body slowly, until the steady rise and fall of his chest lulls me to sleep.
Just as I’m drifting off, I swear he whispers, “If only a good enough man for you, Holland Parker.”