Holland
I love books.Like, Ireallylove them.
In fact, it's the reason I decided to become a librarian at only six years old. While most kids wanted to be superheroes, ballerinas and firefighters, I wanted to spend all day, every day locked inside a musty library, immersing myself in literature. Even as a child, my love for the written word surpassed everything else. I was never interested in barbies or dollhouses and definitely not dance classes. Reading and books became an escape for me. I lost myself in a different world every time I picked up a new book, living a thousand lives throughout their pages.
From the outside looking in, you'd think that my dream would be easy to obtain, but you'd be wrong. Dreams like that were only obtainable if you were born into a family that had the one thing I did not. Money.
No one really knew how badly we struggled growing up. I did my best to hide it where I could, and the only one who really knew the truth was Emery. My mother passed away when I was seven from breast cancer, and my dad basically fell apart. I was the glue that held it all together, even though I was only a child. My daddy worked long, grueling hours at the local paper mill for subpar pay and scarce benefits. But we made it...just barely.
The day I turned sixteen, I marched down Main Street to the library I had gone to since I was a child and practically begged for a job. It was the only place I could've imagined working. Thankfully, the librarian, Velma, had a soft spot for me and offered me part-time hours, and the rest is history.
I'm starting my first year of my Master’s in Library Science at the University of Chicago… albeit online. My father got sick three years ago with dementia, so my days are spent here in the library, losing myself in the beauty of books, then caring for my father and going to class part-time at night.
My dream has taken longer than planned, but as my mother used to say... ‘it's a journey, not a race.’
"Holland?"
My eyes dart up from the heavy book in my hands to see Velma staring at me with concern in her eyes.
"Are you okay?" she asks.
"Yes, I'm sorry. I was in another world." I apologize before sliding the book into its home on the shelf. I was so lost in thought I didn't even hear her approach.
"I'm closing up for the night, you're welcome to stay and study, of course, just please set the alarm and lock up when you leave."
She gives me a kind smile before leaving me with the cart of books I'm still putting away.
Some nights when Mona, my dad's nurse, sits with him, I stay at the library until late studying. Even though it technically isn't allowed, Velma gives me a free pass because she knows me so well.
My phone rings in my back pocket, and I pull it out and grin when I see Emery's picture on the screen.
"Please tell me you're calling me to let me know that you areofficiallydone for fall break?"
Emery attends the University of Chicago and is currently in their Law program. She's the weird one who likes to binge serial-killer documentaries and podcasts on how to effectively dismember someone, but in real life is severely grossed out by blood and bodily fluids, so she chose law. ‘At least she could be on the criminal justice side,’ she says.
A low, sultry groan vibrates through the phone before she huffs. "One more exam, Hol, one more. I want to drown myself in cheap tequila and forget just how shitty these past few days have been."
"That's the understatement of the century." I scoff, pushing the book cart farther down the aisle, so I can talk and put away the rest of the books. "How are you? I mean... how are youreally?"
Emery's quiet for a beat before she speaks, stopping me in my tracks.
"Em," I say her name softly, "talk to me. I'm here."
"I have been avoiding it. Honestly. He was a douche, and I knew he was, but it still doesn’t make the sting any easier, ya know? Getting cheated on sucks.”
"I know, but I think you’re much better off. Your prince charming is going to ride in on his white horse and sweep you off your feet," I offer.
She sighs. "Just as long as he doesn’t ride in on any type of sports equipment. Lord knows I have enough drama dealing with Reed and his posse.”
Reed’s name sets off a flurry of butterflies in my stomach.
Because I have a secret, one thatno oneknows. Especially not Emery. Because this secret? It would changeeverything.
The secret I’ve been holding in for so long is that I, Holland Parker, am ridiculously in love with Reed Davidson and I have been since I was nine years old, watching him save a kitten from a tree. It was one of those moments where I had hearts in my eyes, and after that, it seemed like whenever Reed was around, I couldn’t stop the growing feeling deep in my stomach. Suddenly, he was no longer the boy next door or my best friend’s older brother, but the boy who made my heart race a little faster when he was near.
Not that he knew how I felt. I never gave any inclination that I cared about him in any other way than the strictly platonic way. Reed was older, he was running in different crowds, so I spent every moment I could soaking up the little attention he graced to Emery and me.
I can’t tell you how many nights I spent on the side of an ice rink, freezing to death, my nose so cold and red that I was sure I would get hypothermia… just to spend more time with him. It wasn’t out of the ordinary because there was nowhere that Emery would’ve rather been than where Reed was.