Meeting her eyes, I held her gaze for several moments. Then I reluctantly released her and turned, walking away from the best thing to ever happen to me. Every step I took was a struggle, like my body had to physically fight my heart in order to put one foot in front of the other.
I pulled the door open, the thick, summer air assaulting me. Grasping the handle of my suitcase, I was about to step outside when I stopped. I squeezed my eyes shut, pinching the bridge of my nose as thousands of thoughts and emotions warred within me.
“Did you forget something?” Julia asked.
“Did I forget something?” I shook my head, laughing slightly at the irony in her question. “You know what? I absolutely did forget something.”
Whirling around, I advanced on her, framing her face in my hands so she couldn’t escape the conversation she didn’t want to have last night.
“What are you—”
“I know I swore I wouldn’t do this,” I interrupted, needing to get it off my chest before I lost my nerve. Before I convinced myself it was a bad idea. “That I wouldn’t like your answer. But that was last night. When we still had time. Something we no longer have. So right now, I have absolutely nothing to lose… Except the one thing I can’t stomach living without.”
“And what’s that?” she asked in a shaky voice.
“You.”
She released a tiny breath, eyes filling with tears as my admission echoed around us, time seeming to stretch.
“I’ve been trying to tell myself I was crazy for even considering this because of how different our lives are,” I continued when she didn’t immediately respond. “But the truth is, I want to be with you. With the quirky woman who wears t-shirts with somewhat inappropriate sayings on them. With the sexy woman who makes my heart beat faster than it has in years. With the badass woman who’s endured more horror than any human should ever have to, yet somehow still manages to smile. And make other people smile, too. You made me smile again.”
She shook her head, wiping at the tears now falling steadily down her face, still seemingly in denial about this. About us.
“I get it.” I moved my hands to her biceps, holding her tightly. “I know I promised I’d walk away. But I don’t want to. I can’t. I want you in my life. Want to wake up in the morning and bury my head in your hair. Want to cook you breakfast. Want to rub your feet. Want to laugh with you. Get angry with you.
“I don’t care what we do. We could spend hours walking up and down the aisles of the bloody farmer’s market. It doesn’t matter. I just…”
I licked my lips, peering intently into her eyes. Then I brought a hand to her cheek. She closed her eyes, melting into the contact.
I curved toward her, my lips a breath from hers. “I just want to be with you, Julia. Nothing more. Nothing less,” I murmured, allowing my confession to sink in.
A confession I honestly thought I’d leave this island without telling her.
But Eme was right. The past twelve hours solidified that. There was a lot of noise in both our lives, but when we tuned it out, like we did in this bubble we’d created for ourselves, it was fucking magical.
I wanted more of it.
Hell, I wanted all of it.
“Lachlan…” Julia lifted her gaze to mine, sorrow and remorse covering every inch of her. I could practically taste her rejection.
“I know it’s crazy.” I dropped my hold, pacing in front of her. “Trust me. I know. There are dozens of reasons this would never work out. I’ve gone over every single one of them. We’re in two totally different places in our lives. You’re worried about your ex, and for good reason. You have a teenage daughter who may or may not understand why her mum’s seeing someone who’s so much younger. I’m pretty sure the age difference between us is the same as it is between your daughter and me.”
Julia laughed through her tears. “If you’re trying to make a strong case for yourself, I’m not sure that’s the best way to do it.”
“That may be true…” I approached her again, holding her cheeks tightly in my hands. “But I want you to know right here, right now, I don’t care about any of that. About the dozens of reasons you could come up with about why this is a horrible fucking idea. The only thing I care about is you. I want to be with you, to hell with the risk. Your ex-husband doesn’t scare me. Not like the idea of losingyou does. Never feeling your lips on mine again, your skin on mine, your heart beat in time with mine… That is goddamn petrifying, Julia. That’s what scares me.”
She blinked, mouth agape as she attempted to process everything. Waves crashed in the distance, intermingling with the occasional squealing child on the beach and ticking of the clock in the living room.
A reminder that our time was fleeting.
“I don’t… I don’t know what to say,” she finally responded.
“I don’t want you to say anything. Not here. Not now. I don’t think this is a decision you’re able to make right now. I can absolutely appreciate the fact this is a bigger deal for you than it is for me. That you have a lot more to think about before making such a big decision. I don’t expect you to throw caution to the wind and jump into this without giving it careful deliberation.”
I looped an arm around her waist, pulling her body against mine. “But after that careful deliberation, I’d really like it if you could find it in your heart to choose me over fear. Can you promise me that? That you’ll think about it?” I arched a brow, bracing myself for her refusal.
To my surprise, she nodded. “Okay.”
Relief enveloped me in response to that single word. One that was uttered hundreds, even thousands of times a day.
But that one word filled me with more hope than I’d experienced in a long time.
Maybe ever.
“Okay,” I repeated, gradually lowering my lips to hers.
“Okay,” she said once more, moving her mouth against mine in what I prayed wouldn’t be our last kiss.