The future had been filled with promise with Deirdre’s death.
Now, my end could be nearer than I’d like, and if Da ever found out, which was a distinct possibility because the ten grand the blackmailer wanted was going to be a bitch for me to get together, I’d be dead before I had a chance to really live.
The last thing I wanted was to bring her down with me, and with that as a distinct possibility, I knew I needed to put some distance between us until I figured things out.
Because it killed me, my voice was gruff as I dismissed her and said, “Thank you for your condolences.”
The words were nothing, trite, but my tone was clear, and she reacted like I’d shot her. Like my rejection was a killing blow.
I didn’t look at her. Couldn’t. I had to protect her. Not just from me, but from Da, and from whatever fate rested in front of me. I’d been walking this path for so long that I’d thought I knew my options. But as it stood, I wished Deirdre was alive.
She was the devil I preferred, and I’d acted in haste, but was now repenting in torment.
* * *
AELA
BEFORE
Two months after Deirdre’s funeral
I’d never understood justhow true being sick to your stomach was.
When you were pregnant, hormonal, weighed down with guilt, heartbroken, and terrified—those were emotions that made you truly sick to your stomach.
Wanting to puke all the time and not because of morning sickness, I felt like I was a prisoner inside my own mind.
I hadn’t seen Declan in weeks. He wouldn’t answer my calls, and he ignored my texts. On the rare occasions Ihadcome across him, he’d ignored me, and when he looked through me like I meant nothing, it rammed home my place in his life.
The side piece.
I was tagged and bagged as such, and hoping for more got me nothing. Would never get me anything other than loaded down with a welter of baggage and heartache.
I’d given up on him, I’d admit. It had been two months since the funeral. Two months for him to have gotten over Deirdre’s death. I knew that sounded horrible, but he didn’t love her. I knew he didn’t. He treated her terribly, but then…
Wasn’t that how he was treating me?
Had he already shown me his true colors and I’d never even noticed?
I should have seen the signs in his behavior around her, but I’d been a fool. A stupid, naive fool.
I saw that now.
I was getting my just deserts. I’d betrayed my friend for him. I’d been a party to him cheating on her, and in the end, that was what had gotten her killed. Lizzie Bryan had told us in recess that Deirdre had confided in her, told her that she was sure Declan was screwing around on her, and she was going to follow him to learn, once and for all, if he was.
That was why she’d died.
She’d gotten involved with Points’ business, and had lost her life as a result.
Her death was on me, on us… No wonder he felt horrible. I did too. I felt evil for having mistreated her that way even if we’d stopped being close friends a long time ago thanks to my growing a spine and refusing to listen to her wax poetical about Declan for hours on end.
But even if he was a bastard, I had to tell him.
I had to.
I couldn’tnotwarn him. Could I?
So here I was, outside Flanagan’s Bar, waiting for him to come outside.