Jase stares off into the distance, his hands clenched at his sides, and Mich reaches over and soothes him. I can’t help but watch with a pulse of envy before looking away.
Michele tells me how Jase found her hiding near where we left our sleeping bags that night, and they ran. They roamed for a while before meeting up with this group because their search in Flag revealed no one, and when they tried the Sam’s Club, our barriers designed to scare people away did their job, and they chose not to risk it. They were so close, but we did our job too well.
Everyone here is a free agent, and people come and go as they please, only meeting up at other drop spots before moving on again, some in groups, others solo.
Eventually, we drift off again, my mind abuzz with this new circumstance, and I fall asleep warmed by Mich’s body next to mine.
???
The following morning, in hushed tones, I explain to Jase and Michele my thoughts on bringing down Shepherd. Jase looks on with a gleam in his eye, but Michele only gazes at me doubtfully.
“I don’t know, Lo. Why would we endanger ourselves for this?” she asks, clenching her hands in her lap.
With a sad smile, I grab her hand and say fiercely, “Mich, this guy is hurting others. Raping them, forcing them to do horrible things. He can’t be left to hurt people. He can’t.”
“But it’s too dangerous. We just got you back, and I don’t want to risk it,” Michele says.
“I get it. But what if Jase can get to him without going inside? You can do that, right, Jase?”
Jase looks at me consideringly, and I can see him gearing up to argue, but I shake my head because I know how Mich feels, and I don’t want to lose them either. This is the way it has to be. “Jase, we can’t go inside, and there’s no reason to. Shepherd has to go, and then the people that make up his ‘flock’ can decide for themselves what they want to do. What they’re willing to put up with.”
“What about Enzo?” Mich asks carefully.
I haven’t told them the extent of his depravity, and I’m not sure I ever will, but they know he was part of Shepherd’s inner circle when I left. However, as much as I hurt for my beautiful friend who lost his soul, I don’t know if there’s redemption for him.
“I think it’s too late for him,” I murmur, glancing away.
Jase changes the topic, for which I am grateful, and we say no more as we spend the next few days scavenging. With another body to feed, we need more of everything. I can’t help but have an extra skip in my step, though, because just when I was at my lowest, I found my people, my home, and I’m so fucking glad I’m not alone.
Only at night, when the soft sounds of sleep surround me, do I allow myself to think of Cole, and that’s when the pain comes through. I hope his death was quick in the end and that he knew how much I loved him. This is all I can afford to focus on because if I don’t, I may not see my way through, and I have zero desire to give up on my plan for Shepherd. Whether Jase and Mich agree, I will find a way to kill him because revenge will be a sweet fucker, even if he won’t know what hit him. Literally.
After a few days, we decide to do some recon and head back toward the community, walking only at night to avoid unwanted attention. I’m relieved because I think Jase is on board despite Michele’s reservations, but we have to survey our options and get the lay of the land before we do anything. Jase still has his high-powered rifle with a scope. How I don’t know. I’m on my seventh tire iron, I think, but I’m grateful.
Although Shepherd deserves to be tortured and to look into my eyes when he meets his end, it will make it easier to remove the threat from a distance and move on. I can accept that if the fucker is eradicated from the earth.
We have to pass the checkpoint to get close enough to observe anything and I recommend the same amusement park I passed before as a stopping point. We hunker down in the bar area, surrounded by empty tables and dusty shelves where the alcohol used to be.
Jase takes off in the early morning light. I feel a pang of guilt for including him when Michele still has something left to lose, but it doesn’t shake my resolve because I will make Shepherd’s tyranny end, even if it’s the last thing I do. Hell, I’m hoping Jase will show me how to use the damn weapon so I can exact my revenge myself, but I know he won’t because if I miss, we blow everything out of the water. Still, I can dream.
I am curious if Enzo has taken things to the next level and how many zombies have popped up with no explanation. If he has, I assume he’s been careful. Eventually, someone will make the connection between the newest victim and him, no matter how farfetched.
Jase returns at dusk with a grim smile but good news. He’s found an empty shack above the town and within the trees which allowed him to surveil the area, and he’s confident if given a clear head shot, he can take Shepherd out.
At first, I’m overcome with relief because, at long last, I’m going to see his end, but as the evening progresses, I realize Jase has been tightlipped and tense since he came back. My efforts to find out why were rebuffed, and he retreated, which leaves me worried that maybe there are barriers to the plan that he doesn’t want to share for fear of disappointing me.
I agree to take watch so Jase and Michele can sleep. I’m sitting in the office, overlooking the town and staring at the stars when light steps draw my attention to Jase, who comes in and sits beside me in the dark. I can’t see his face and can’t risk turning on a light, so I wait patiently for whatever it is he wants to say.
“You’ve left some things out of your story, haven’t you?” he asks.
“A lot went on,” I mutter quietly. “Why, what did you see?”
“What did they do to you, Lola?” he asks instead.
With a sigh, I turn away. Yes, I left out a few significant pieces of the story, but much like all my other trauma, it’s hard to speak of the fear, degradation, and anguish I was exposed to. But whatever he saw must have been bad, and I’m asking him to murder a man without the benefit of knowing the entire story, which is why I cave.
“I was put in the hole because Shepherd sensed my strength or some shit,” I say quietly.
“The hole?” he asks.