32
ISABELLA
The next wedding of the bunch was upon us, this time in Niagara Falls. Colt and Anna were up next, and the pair of college sweethearts had apparently also decided against getting married in the city. I didn’t quite understand why they all wanted destination weddings, but if everything Anna had told me about what to expect at theirs was true, it was bound to be an interesting one.
Despite that, I was conflicted. Once again, I was half thinking about backing out but it was for a much different reason this time around. Last weekend, Parker had looked me right in the eyes and said he wanted to get to know me better.
Although it had been a few days since his casual admission, I was still reeling from it. After how awkward and sometimes openly hostile things had been between us since Maui, that was the last thing I had been expecting him to say.
But he’d said it, and now I had to figure out what to do about it. I’d never really opened up to anyone. Even if I wanted to let him in and stop pushing him away, I didn’t have a clue how to even start doing it.
The bigger problem, however, was that I wasn’t convinced Iwantedto do it. That was why I was so conflicted that I was seriously considering making up some excuse for why I couldn’t spend a weekend with him right now.
It was clear he was interested in me romantically, and that wasn’t me being immodest or making assumptions just because he’d said he wanted to get to know me. The way he’d looked at me at game night, the questions he’d asked and topics he’d initiated, as well as some of the things he’d come right out and said had made it more than obvious that his interest in me was no longer purely professional.
If it ever had been purely professional, which I was also starting to wonder about.
I knew for a fact that my interest in him hadn’t ever been wholly professional. Since the moment I’d met him, there had been a ton of things about him that had sparked my interest way beyond what it should have been.
What I didn’t know was whether he could be the kind of guy I needed. Or if I even needed a guy at all. Before I’d met him, the answer to that would’ve been a resoundinghell no, but since I’d been reevaluating my life recently, I wasn’t so sure anymore.
That was part of my problem. My life seemed to have split into two when I met him. There was the me that I had been before Parker, and then there was after—the me now, reassessing everything I thought I’d known about myself and what I wanted out of life only because of the influence he’d already had on it. If I’d known that day when I’d gone to the first meeting with him that it would turn out to be such a significant day in my life, I didn’t even know if I would have gone at all.
Technically, as soon as I helped Parker sell, I would be done with him. Just like all my other clients, he would be in my rearview mirror. A steppingstone to my eventual success. If I was right about the tier of clients he would be helping me break into, I would be so busy with my career after I got him a deal that I probably wouldn’t even have time to miss him.
Ahem. Miss having anyone to love in my life, that is. Not misshim, specifically. But even as I thought it, I knew I was lying to myself. I’d never gotten as attached to a client—or to anyone else—as I had gotten to him. Once he was gone, I was going to have a gigantic Parker-shaped hole in my life and I sure as fuck was going to notice it.
With everything in me longing to be with him all the damn time, even when I was pissed off with him, I suspected that I might have deeper feelings for him than I’d let myself consider before. At this point, it was even possible that I loved him.
I honestly wasn’t sure if I did and, even if I did, whether it mattered. My parents had loved each other but all they’d ever done was fight. Parker and I fell into that same pattern so often that even if we did love each other a little, it was probably better for us both to stay far, far away from a relationship with the other.
God knows, I know how those relationships turn out and it’s for the best that they never even start if you can help it.
My mind was a jumble of thoughts as I stuffed clothes into the suitcase lying open on my bed. Regardless of how often I turned it all over in my head, I couldn’t come to any conclusions.I wish I had a friend to talk to.
Parker was lucky. He had so many of those that he didn’t know what to do with them all, but since I’d always put work first, the few friendships I’d tried to nurture over the years had fallen by the wayside.
I’d distanced myself from all the kids who had been in the foster system with me, so I didn’t have any friendships dating back to high school or childhood. In college, I’d tried getting close to a few girls but I wasn’t in contact with any of them anymore.
Although Lennon had reiterated that we were friends now when I saw her at Parker’s. When I picked up my phone, I was of two minds about calling her. She might have said that we were friends, but I didn’t know her well at all.
Calling her up out of the blue to get her opinion on this was going to be next-level weird.But what choice do I have?
She was literally the only person I could call and I desperately needed someone to talk to. Holding my breath as I scrolled to her contact, I hesitated for another beat before I punched down on the call button.
Screw it.
If she thought I was a nutjob for calling to discuss such personal issues with her when I’d only met her the other day, then so be it. Frankly, I was feeling a bit like a nutjob. The situation I found myself in with Parker was doing a real number on my brain. Hopefully, before she hung up on me for being a weirdo, she’d offer me some advice.
“Hey, you,” she sing-songed when she answered. “How are you? I’m glad you’re calling. I just got done with a shift at the community center and I wanted to pick your brain about a few things.”
The sweet relief of distraction and being let off the hook for a few more minutes, how I love thee.“Go ahead. How was your shift?”
“It was great, but I’m having trouble getting through to one of the girls I’ve been assigned to,” she said. “Ally, or is it Abbey? The program coordinator lady? Anyway, she suggested I ask you about it. She says you’ve been real good at drawing the shy, hesitant ones out of their shells.”
“Really? She said that? Wow. I didn’t realize they’d even noticed me much around there. I really didn’t think they’d refer other people to speak to me.”
She scoffed. “Please. Don’t sell yourself short, woman. You’re a rock star over there. I’ve heard the kids and the adults talking about you. You’ve really made a name for yourself. Apparently, you always know what to say and you get through to kids a lot easier than the rest of us.”