“That is not true at all!” she said, her words much more heated than his own, though he felt the same emotion as she. “I am the same woman I always have been. In fact, the words you heard me uttering to my friends on the very night we met are the same as those you will read in my paper each and every week. I have simply taken this opportunity and made it into something much bigger than myself, something of which I am awfully proud. You made your opinion abundantly clear, and it was not as though it seemed you would change your thoughts just because you came to know me. What was I to do? For to tell you would have only meant you would have tried to bring about the paper’s ruination that much sooner, would it not have?”
He ran his hand through his hair, not knowing what to say. For much of what she said was true, that was certain. And yet, she had still lied, and that rankled deep within him.
Jeffrey paced back and forth, his emotions fraught, every nerve seemingly on edge. She had taken him off guard, and he needed time to process all of this, to think through her revelation.
Now that he knew the truth, his own stupidity rankled. It all made sense. Phoebe’s opinions, her proclivity to say whatever she felt, her determination to make a difference, to change the world. Her frequent daytime outings not entirely in keeping with a woman of her station. He knew the publisher was likely a woman, and she signed her very name as “a lady.” Why had the thought never even occurred to him?
Because he wouldn’t have wanted to accept the truth, even subconsciously, he admitted to himself. He wanted tomarryher,and how could he be married to a woman who not only supported, but actually published, such a scandalous newspaper?
He groaned aloud as he sat in the rickety old chair that creaked dangerously under his weight, and placed his head in his hands as he leaned onto the old desk. Phoebe took a seat across from him, saying nothing for a moment, as she allowed her words to resonate with him.
“Do you see now?” she asked gently. “If I had told you from the moment we met, what would have happened? You would have wanted nothing to do with me, and we would never have had the opportunity to develop… feelings for one another. I am still the same woman you wanted to marry, Jeffrey, and I have so badly wanted to accept your proposal, but I couldn’t. Not with this secret between us. I am well aware of how this may change your feelings toward me, but please know that I am still the same woman you asked to marry you, the same woman who would like to agree. My ideals have never changed — simply the fact that I have actually taken the step to do something about them.”
“Would you cease this production if we were to marry?” he asked.
He wasn’t sure that he would actually ask her to do so — in fact, he wasn’t altogether certain of anything at the moment. But it would surely tell him just how much she actually cared for him — if it was more than this blasted publication.
“I— I would not want to,” she said, dropping their locked gaze for a moment, looking down at her hands. “I would hope that you would not ask it of me. However, if it was a condition of marriage to you… I would consider taking a step back, but not entirely leaving it behind, nor ever destroying it. I would ensure that it remained in good hands.”
“I see,” he said, leaning back in his chair now, crossing his arms once more and nodding his head. It was not the answer he had been looking for, but nor was it an outright rejection of him. “At least you are being honest with me now.”
“I nevermeantto be dishonest!” she cried. “How could I have told you the truth? Once I learned that you were the one who was trying to find the publisher ofThe Women’s Weekly, todestroythe newspaper that I worked so hard to build, I knew that if you became aware of what I was doing, you would do everything you could to bring me — this — down.”
He looked intently at her then as her words stirred a thought within him.
“That’s when you began to pursue me,” he said, standing once more and leaning over the desk, looking deep into her eyes, studying her face to determine her reaction to his words. “After you knew that I was the lord who was interested in learning more of the publication. Before that, you hated me. You slapped me! And then this sudden interest. Your appearances at events I frequented, where I had never seen you before. Your coy looks, your slightest touches, your apparent interest in my life, myfamily.” He paused for a moment as he read the guilt in her eyes. “By God, you used me.”
“I— it wasn’t—”
“Youintendedto be close to me. You wanted to know what my actions were, of what I was aware. Not only that, but — perhaps unknowingly, I’ll grant you — you distracted me from my goal. And like a fool, I fell for your games, for your lies. You are not only a talented writer, Phoebe, but you are a clever actress as well.”
Horrified, he stepped back from the desk, the realization of his complete and utter stupidity draping over him like a cloak he could not pull from his body.
“I thought your dishonesty was simply that you did not tell me of your role here, but now I realize it is far, far greater than that. Our entire relationship is a lie.”
“Jeffrey,” Phoebe finally cut in, desperation written all over her face and tears pooling in her eyes as she stood and rounded the desk. She raised her hands up toward him, but he pushed them away, not able to stand the thought of her touching him at the moment.
“Jeffrey, what you say… well, I cannot deny it. There is certainly truth to your words. Except you must know that I have been attracted to you from the moment we met, even during that awful conversation we had in the Earl of Torrington’s drawing room. And yes, it is true that I did want to be aware of any progress you were making in your investigation as it were, but once I began to know you, the man you truly are — aside from your nonsensical beliefs regarding women — then I became far more than attracted to you. I began to fall for you, Jeffrey. I never thought you could want anything to do with a woman like me for more than a flirtation, so trust me, no one was more surprised than I over the fact that you not only courted me but then asked me to wed you. Every time we are together, I only…”
Tears began to fall down her face, and he steeled himself, determined not to give in to her dramatics. For that’s what they were, were they not? More dishonesty as she attempted to make him feel sorry for her?
“You only what?”
“I only fall more in love with you.”
He looked at her, at her tear-stained cheeks, her ink-stained hands, her stunning face that he had come to care so much for, and could only think of how it had all been a lie.
Jeffrey shook his head despondently, turned from her, and before she could say another word, slowly strode out the door.