“How quickly did you know that she was it for you?”
My lips part to answer, but no words come.
“The first night you spoke to her? Before that, when you were just stalking her?” He must see something in my eyes that gives him the answer he’s looking for. “So you fell for her before she even knew you existed, yet you’re doubting that she can fall for you after spending a few weeks together?” He quirks his brow at me.
“But all the things I’ve done—” I start.
“We don’t fall in love with people’s actions, Toby. We fall in love with the person, their hearts.”
My chin drops at his words, all the air rushing from my lungs.
“Thank fuck, because I sure don’t deserve Stella otherwise.”
“Shit, Seb. That’s—”
“Deeper than you were expecting?” he asks, clearly knowing just how out of character his words are.
“Well… yeah.”
“You’re sitting here feeling like no one could possibly understand, but you’re missing the fucking point. I’ve been there. I am there. Theo too. Do you think we’ve not had the exact same fears that you’re having right now?
“Both of us fucked up beyond belief with our girls. But they saw past it. They dug beneath the bullshit we show the rest of the world, and they found the scared little boys living deep inside who desperately just want to be loved like we believe we can’t be.
“Yeah, you fucked up. Is that what you want me to tell you? But that doesn’t define you, Toby. Your past, your mistakes… they’re not the most important things when it comes to Jodie. She wants what’s in here.” He leans over and pats my chest. “And despite all the shit with Jonas and Joker, there’s a fucking good heart in there, man.”
Emotion clogs my throat as I stare at him.
“Trust her. Trust her to know what she wants. Trust her to deal with this in her own way. Not everyone out there is like us. They don’t all go off killing their enemies or anyone who’s hurt those they love. As hard as it might be to believe, some people actually sit back and think things through, process things properly, and come to sensible conclusions.
“You’ve shown her so much. Too much to have processed already. She’s going to be working through all this shit, this grief, for a long time, I’m sure. No different from me.” His eyes lower for a beat as he thinks of those he’s lost. His dad, his mum, his little sister.
“Grief is… unique. Every single person deals with it differently. But who’s to say that just because she’s grieving, she can’t fall in love? That she can’t see beneath the armour you wear every day to the real person who’s existing beneath?
“If she wants you to stand by her side while she figures all this out and puts herself back together, then why the fuck are you questioning that?
“If you really love her, take every fucking chance you can get, because trust me, it’s fucking worth it.”
I blink back the emotion that’s threatening to make itself known.
“You really love her, don’t you?” I ask.
Seb’s brow creases in confusion as I turn the conversation on him. “Stella? Yeah. Yeah, I fucking do. She’s… everything.
“Trust me, I understand exactly what you’re feeling right now. I battle with it most days, thinking that she deserves so much more than this, than me. But ultimately, she’s chosen this. And I have to believe that if she didn’t want it, she’d let that fact be known. Probably painfully so. You need to do the same.”
I suck in a breath as I roll a handful of words around my head that I don’t want to say.
“And what if she changes her mind?”
“Then it’ll hurt like a bitch to let her go, but at least you’ll have had that time with her. You tried. You gave it your all. What more can you really ask for?”
“Fuck,” I breathe, falling back into the sofa cushions.
I might have my eyes closed, but I sense when we’re joined by another.
“What’s going on?” Theo asks, coming to stand in front of us.
“Just giving our boy some advice on his love life.”