I shrug, unsure of what to say.
“Why?” His horrified stare burns into the side of my face but I don’t turn to look at him. I can’t. Shame burns me up from the inside as I think about the things I allowed the evil cunt to do to me.
“As punishment. To teach me resilience, strength. To—”
“That’s bullshit. You’ve never done anything in your life to deserve that kind of punishment.”
“Not in his eyes. Just being born was a fucking sin.”
“Jesus,” he mutters as he tries to process what I’ve just confessed. “How long were you down there?”
“It varied. Sometimes an hour or so. Sometimes days.”
“Days?” he blurts. “Why the fuck didn’t you tell us any of this?”
“I couldn’t,” I mutter. “He held all the power, followed through on enough threats that I couldn’t risk it. If he hurt Mum even more than he already was because I couldn’t hack it then I’d never forgive myself.”
“FUCK,” he booms so loudly a flock of birds erupt from a nearby tree and scatter.
“If it weren’t for him, then I wouldn’t be this fucking broken,” I whisper. “I wouldn’t have done all that shit with Jodie. But my hatred for him fucking blinds me.”
“He hasn’t broken you, Toby. You’re the best fucking person I know.”
A bitter laugh falls from my lips.
“Don’t fucking laugh it off. I’m serious. I wouldn’t give just anyone the role of my best friend. It’s not a position I hand out lightly.”
“No one else would fucking have you,” I mutter.
He barks a laugh. “I’ll have you know, I’ve turned more than one applicant away in the past.”
“You’re full of shit.”
“Yeah, I am. You love me for it though.”
I can’t help but smile, because he’s right. I fucking love his brand of weird.
“What’s got you going off grid and hiding up here like the old days?”
“Jodie was attacked last night after her shift at Foxes.”
“Oh fuck, is she okay?” he asks in shock.
My brows lift in surprise. I kinda assumed Theo would have told the guys by now.
“Yeah. I stopped him just in time, took her home. Looked after her.”
“I know you hate hearing it, but you’re a good guy, Tobes. She’d be a fool if she can’t see that.”
“No. It would make her fucking sensible. She shouldn’t forgive me.”
“That’s up to her, not you, don’t you think?”
“I can’t get the image of her breaking on my bathroom floor out of my head. It fucking haunts me day and night.”
“Don’t you think that maybe that’s a good thing? I’d be more concerned if you’d forgotten about it already. Pretty sure that shows that you care, that you regret it. That you understand just how fucking badly you fucked up and hurt her.”
I scoff at his reasoning.