9
JOHN
“Beer?” Mia reaches into the cooler and hands me a Gold Cliff IPA. “I noticed this was what they gave you at The Toasted Crab, so I picked some up when I was in town grabbing my margaritas the other day. Figured I’d give it a try.” She reaches back into the cooler and grabs one for herself.
“Thanks.” I like that she remembered what I ordered. “It’s my favorite.”
Mia’s mom closes her book and shifts to turn her attention to me. “So, John, did you grow up here?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Oh please, call me Mary. Does your family live close by?”
“Mom—“ Mia started with a warning tone.
“It’s okay… No, they don't. I don’t have any family close by. I don’t mind, though. I like being on my own.” I push myself up out of the chair. “If you’ll excuse me, I think I’ll go for a swim.” I don’t want to be rude by shutting down the conversation, and I hope I didn’t come across that way. I have to go along with this charade because I can’t seem to say no to Mia, but that doesn’t mean I’m okay with a lot of personal questions.
“Oh, sure, dear.”
I make my way towards the water. The first familiar wave hits my feet, and I feel almost like the ocean is giving me a hug. I grew up in this ocean, but haven’t been swimming since I’ve been back. I venture deeper and dive under the water. Surfacing, I tread water for a few minutes, wondering why I didn’t force myself to do this sooner. After every minute that passes, I feel like I can take a slightly deeper breath. I hadn’t even realized that I was holding that much tension.
Nothing about myself feels the same as it did before I went overseas. It’s like once you join the military, you’re not only committing to serving your country, you’re also committing to trading your soul and going home with a completely new one, with no instruction manual on how to live with it. Even if you don’t experience anything particularly traumatic, it’s almost impossible to not be changed by your time in the military. I can feel the first sting of tears in my eyes, and I shake my head, trying to make it stop. When this happens, I do my best to shove it down as far as possible. If I let those emotions come to the surface, I won’t be able to stop. It’s easier to just push it down and bury it. I glance back toward the beach and spot Mia. She isn’t hard to miss—she is an absolute knockout in her black bikini. She had pulled her hair up in a bun, and her skin is developing a nice tan in the time she’s been here.
I wonder why I am so drawn to her that I couldn’t say no when she asked me to help her out. In general, saying no to people is a lot easier than saying yes, so it shouldn’t have been a problem for me. But once again, I shocked myself by going along with it. It’s not like it’s a huge hardship to pretend to be into her, though—that won’t take much effort.
I swim back to shore and walk out of the water, shaking the water from my hair. I glance up to see both Mia and Paige with their mouths slightly open, staring, then Mia is shushing her friend, as if she said something inappropriate. Now, I’m not conceited, but I am used to women giving me attention. I know enough to know I've always been attractive, and I’ve gotten good at ignoring the stares and comments. Mia liking what she sees is different, though.
We spend the next couple of hours lounging, eating the sandwiches they brought for lunch, and swimming in the ocean. I manage to avoid any deep questions, and I hope I just came across as quiet and not rude. I hate to admit it, but this day has been really great for me. I actually enjoyed myself a little bit. We start packing up when the girls are ready to head back. I had let my buddy know where our chairs would be, so we didn’t have to worry about returning those. After gathering all our stuff, we start trudging towards the access point. I let all the women go in front of me, and when Mia passes me, I have a sudden urge to put my hand on her back.
Wait, why not? Isn’t that what I’m supposed to be doing? Showing that I’m into her?
That’s reason enough for me. My hand finds her low back, and I lightly press as she walks in front of me. Damn, it feels good to touch her. Her eyes fly to mine in surprise, and I give her a reassuring smile. After a few moments, I reluctantly pull my hand away.
“Have fun today?” I ask, falling into step next to her.
“I did! Did you?”
“I did, actually. Thanks for inviting me,” I say with a wink.
She gives me a sweet smile, and I’m immediately captivated by it. I wonder what else I can do to make sure I see that smile again. Once we make it back to the house, Mia’s mom invites me over to the cottage for dinner. A part of me is exhausted and ready to hole up in the house by myself for the night, but I’m not quite ready to say bye to Mia yet.
“Sure. I can run into town and pick up some food if you want?” I offer.
“Oh, that would be great!” Mary replies.
“Are you sure?” Mia looks up at me with a guilty smile once her mom and Paige were out of ear-shot.
“Yeah, no problem.”
“Okay, great. I would offer to go with you, but I really need a shower.”
“That’s all right; you have my number, right? From the contract sheet? Text me what you guys want, and I’ll go grab it.”
“Sounds good!” she replies, walking toward the cottage. “Thanks!”
I veer left to head in the house. After a quick shower, I pull on some khaki shorts and a white button-down. Grabbing my keys off the kitchen counter, I drive into town to pick up the food. Once I make it back, I walk to the cottage and knock on the door. I feel slightly awkward knocking on the door, given I own the place, but I want to be respectful of their space. Paige answers with a smile and lets me in, taking the bags of food from me.
“Oh, good! I’m starving! Thanks again for picking it up,” she says while placing the food on the kitchen table.
I nod.
Mary is in the kitchen, blending up some margaritas. “Hi, John!”
“Can I help with something?” I ask, walking into the kitchen.
“No, Mia’s just finishing up in the shower, and then we can eat.”
Still feeling like I should do something, I walk further into the kitchen and open the cabinet to pull out some plates.
“Paige, did you borrow my brush?”
I turn with the plates in my hands, and my eyes immediately find Mia in the hallway, wearing nothing but a towel. My mouth goes dry, and I grip the plates tighter.
Holy shit.
Her skin is still damp, and her hair is a tangled mess. She glances in the kitchen, and her eyes go wide in horror when they land on me. Her cheeks flush red, and she clutches the towel tighter, starting to retreat backward down the hallway.
Paige smirks in amusement, her head turning from me to Mia. “I did; it’s on your dresser in the room.”
Mia turns and runs the rest of the way, slamming the door behind her. I clear my throat and blink a few times, then remind my legs to move. I bring the plates to the table. Mia eventually emerges from her room wearing shorts and a tank top, hair still wet but brushed through, not a trace of makeup on. She slides into the chair next to me. It takes her a few minutes to get over her embarrassment, which I find amusing, but it doesn’t take long before she’s back to her normal chatty self.
“So how’s Dad? What’s going on at home?” she asks her mom.
“Your father’s doing great. It’s been really cold this winter, so work has kept him pretty busy.” Mary glances at me. “Mia’s father owns an HVAC company, and they’re always busy this time of year doing maintenance and repairs on furnaces. Minnesotans need their heat to work, after all.”
I smile and nod.
“So what kind of things have you two been up to? Mia said you went out to eat a few times, is that right?”
Mia jumps in before I can answer. “Yup, we’ve been to a couple restaurants. John took me to his favorite place, called The Toasted Crab. They have the best Ahi Tuna I’ve ever had in my life.” As she’s speaking, she reaches her arm out and rests it on my forearm. Her touch sends a shock wave up my arm, and I try not to tense or react in an obvious way. My heart beats a little faster.
Did she feel that too?
I peer over at her to see if I can gauge any sort of reaction, but her face gives nothing away. Eventually, she removes her hand, and I can’t help but notice my arm feels colder. We finish dinner, and I help clear the table.
“Well, ladies, thank you for letting me hang with you guys today. It was fun. I’m gonna head out.”
Mary and Paige both wave goodbye, and Mia offers to walk me to the door. As we approach the door, I can feel two sets of eyes on us, watching our every move. I smile down at Mia and put my arm around her shoulder.
Too much?
She stiffens for a second, but recovers quickly and slips her arm around my waist. I place a quick kiss on her forehead. The contact sends a shiver down my spine. When I pull back, there is no questioning this time whether she felt that too. Her blue eyes are wide with surprise and a hint of something else—longing maybe? Her eyes lock with mine for a few seconds, until I reluctantly release her. I give one last smile and step outside. Shutting the door behind me, I walk to the main house, thinking about how good it felt to hug her.
It’s obvious there is something between Mia and I, but what does it mean? Is it just attraction? Chemistry? Either way, I don’t think I’m in a good headspace for any of it. I wish there was some way to keep taking the relief she gives me from my pain while still keeping her at arm’s length. I don’t want to drag her down with me. It’s not fair to her, and I refuse to do it.
I blow a breath out and shove my hands in my pockets as I walk past the pool and in the patio door. As much as I enjoyed myself today, it was also the most human interaction I’ve had in one day since I’ve been home. I’m exhausted, and a bit overwhelmed. I shuffle to my room and fall on the bed, falling asleep within seconds of hitting the pillow.