“A year,” he said. “I only started drawing again a year ago.”
“And you didn’t want to tell your family because of the pressure it made you feel?”
“The pressure wasn’t the only reason I stopped.” He turnedoff the flashlight. He’d been facing me before, and he adjusted his position so he now looked straight ahead. “Drawing reminded me too much of everything I’d given up when we moved.”
In the silence, I could clearly hear the sound of flowing water that I had heard the day before but forgot to explore its source. My eyes were trying to adjust to the darkness, the sliver moon not helping much.
“I have another secret,” he said, his voice still soft. “I’ve been keeping it for years and these past few weeks have made it hard to hold on to.”
“What is it?” I whispered.
There must’ve been a full minute of silence, crickets chirping, water flowing, cicadas high-pitched echoing, before he said, “I’m in love with you.”
“What?” I asked, my brain not initially processing the words that he just threw out there so casually.
“You heard me,” he said. “And while I appreciate you making me feel like this really was a secret, it’s time to finally put it out there so we can get past it.”
My throat was dry, so I swallowed several times to try to remedy it.
“You knew, right?” he said. “Otherwise I just screwed everything up.”
“I didn’t know,” I said in a hoarse croak.
He cursed under his breath. “Tell me we can still be friends. I obviously haven’t done a stellar job of that on this trip, but I was excellent at it when we were thirteen.”
“Skyler.” I reached out and took his hand. I breathed in and out four times. “That was my secret.”
“That you knew?”
“No, that I’m in love withyou.”
“What?”
A smile spread across my face. “You heard me.”
He blinked. Once, twice, then a third time. He tugged on my arm ever so slightly and that’s all it took. Our lips crashed into each other in the darkness. He pulled me closer and I swung my legs over his lap and wrapped my arms around his neck. For a millisecond I allowed myself to think about how weird it was to be kissing Skyler Hutton. But the fluttering in my stomach and the racing of my heart and the tingling of my lips easily overpowered those thoughts. And as his tongue found mine and his palm cradled my cheek, I was struck by how amazing it was to be kissing Skyler Hutton. My best friend. The person who knew me better than anyone else in the world. He felt the same way about me that I felt about him.
His heart beat against my chest, fast and hard. It felt like the only tie to reality in that moment. I placed my hand over it, let his energy radiate through me. He tasted like mint gum and Skyler.
I kissed the corner of his mouth, then his cheek, then hisneck before I buried my face there, overcome with happiness.
“Was that okay?” he asked.
“No,” I said into his neck. “That was pretty great, actually.” I pulled away to look at him. “Wait, did you think it wasweird?”
“No. It was…perfect. I’m glad we didn’t do that when we were thirteen. I would’ve been terrible at it.”
“Are you saying you’ve gotten lots of practice in the meantime?”
“I mean, not lots, but definitely some.”
I laughed and then I stopped laughing and sat back as what he was saying finally sunk in. “Wait…you wanted to do that when we were thirteen?”
“Yes,” he said. “But I was very aware of the fact that the feeling wasn’t mutual back then.”
“But now? Were you not so aware of it now? Is that why you told me tonight?”
“No, I thought I was still aware of it now, but I needed to tell you because I thought maybe you’d stop being so…physical if you knew. And I could squash my feelings better.”