Logan
I'm confused, and I try to get my bearings as I watch Ella walk out of the bedroom. I feel guilty for hurting her when she's only trying to help me. I know she feels obligated because I'm her landlord, but I can't help but wonder if there's some other reason. The fact that she reacts the way she does when she's around me makes me wonder.
I walk into the en suite bathroom and stare at myself in the mirror. The cuts on my face have already began to heal, but I still have that look in my eye as if I'm wondering if anything will ever be right again in this world. Being around Ella takes my mind off things, and that sort of makes me feel guilty. My best friend died, he sacrificed himself, and here I am standing in one piece.
I can't even look at myself right now. I get myself cleaned up and walk out into the kitchen. Ella is working, loading dishes into the dishwasher. I cross my arms over my chest and lean against the door opening. I probably shouldn't, but I can't take my eyes off her, and I feel the arousal of my manhood as I take in the way her pants fit across her ass. A small thrill fills me because for the last month, I have wondered if there was something wrong with me. Obviously, by looking at Ella, I can at least confirm that that part of my body still works. I feel like I'm a peeping Tom, and I clear my throat to get her attention.
She stands up and turns to me. "Are you okay?"
I walk toward her and stand in front of her, caging her against the counter. She's looking over my shoulder instead of at me, and I put my hand on her chin, lifting it so she has no choice but to look into my face. "I should be asking you that. I would never hurt you, Ella, not intentionally."
She rolls her eyes and laughs. "Really? Do you think I don’t know that? It was my own fault."
I bring my hand to the side of her neck and hold her there. "It wasn't your fault, but you might be safer at your apartment than you would be here."
Hurt flashes in her eyes. "I see you're trying to get rid of me already."
"No," I say instantly. The truth be known, I am actually looking forward to her being here, but I'm not going to tell her that. "No, I just want you to be safe."
Her hand comes up, and she pats me on the chest. "I am safe here, and I'm not leaving, Logan. From now on, if you have a dream or a nightmare, I'll stand from a safe distance and try to wake you up. It really was my fault. I should have known better."
I look at her sternly. "Please quit saying that. None of this is your fault."
She gives me a small smile and shrugs her shoulders again before turning away from me. She carries a covered dish over to the table. "Dinner is ready."
She comes back and grabs some plates and silverware before setting them out. I go over and sit down, and she sits next to me. “I love spaghetti,” I tell her, inhaling the garlic and tomato scent.
She starts to dish out the food. “That's probably a good thing because there's not a lot I know how to make.”
I hold her plate up next for her to put food on it. "That's okay. I don't expect you to wait on me while you're here. I can cook for the both of us."
She seems surprised, but she doesn't say anything. I dig into the food, and we eat for a few minutes. "This is probably the best I've eaten."
She looks at me knowingly. "Yeah. Well, you've been eating hospital food for a month. And before that, who knows what you were eating?"
I point my fork at her. "You're definitely right about that. MREs don't have anything on this." We are both quiet as we eat our meal. But I still feel guilty. "I'm seeing a therapist. They're supposed to be helping me with the nightmares."
She nods. "I guess they started after the accident?" When I don’t immediately answer, she holds her hands up. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."
Crazily enough, I actually do want to talk about it with her, but I'm not about to question why. "Yeah. Well, uh, Noah, he was my best friend. We actually joined up together. He was killed in the bombing."
She gasps and wraps her hand around mine. "Oh my gosh, Logan. I'm so sorry."
I turn my hand over so I can hold on to hers. "Thanks. I think that's the first time I've said it out loud to someone.”
She sets her fork down and leans toward me. "Tell me about him."
Instead of looking at her, I stare out the window. Max is sitting on his window seat watching the bird in the bird feeder. I start to ramble and am surprised how easy it is to talk to Ella. "Noah was a good guy, the best, actually. He was always looking out for me and everyone else. He saved me that day."
She doesn't say anything, and I turn my head to look at her. She looks so sad, and there's one tear that overfills in her eye and trails down her cheek. I use my thumb and wipe it off as she smiles at me. "If he was here right now, what would he say to you? What would he want you to know?"
I think about it for just a minute, but it doesn't take me long to figure it out. "First of all, he would make sure to say, 'I told you so about Harper.' He never did like her, and he warned me that she was with me for the wrong reasons. He was definitely right about that."
I think about it some more. "The second thing that he would get on to me about is the nightmares. He would hate that I'm reliving that night over and over. He would tell me I'm being ridiculous, probably call me a pussy and say that it's time for me to move on."
She nods her head. "He sounds like a heck of a guy." She gets an excited look on her face and pulls her hand from mine. "I have an idea."
I watch as she gets up and walks across the room, grabbing a notepad and pencil before coming back and sitting down. She moves her plate to the middle of the table and then lays the pad down in front of her. "What are you doing?" I ask her.