8
Kevin
Iwatch Emily from my usual parking spot. She leaves through the front door and slams it shut behind her. I slump lower in the seat with an already empty flask beside me. Liquid courage.
I left my goddamn necklace in the fucking closet. Could my life be any more of a damn joke? I swear, whatever big guy is up there is laughing at me.
I have two options: I can leave the necklace, or I can go back into the apartment and get it. Option one is out. It was my grandmother’s cross, and while I fucking hate religion, I loved my grandmother. That only leaves option two. Not ideal.
I have to go get it.
As Emily drives away, I peek out and look around. I make my way across the parking lot and casually climb the stairs to their apartment. I check the doorknob, and it turns in my hand.
“For fuck’s sake, Emily, lock the door. There’s creeps around here,” I mumble to myself. The irony isn’t lost on me.
I push the door open and take a deep breath of her familiar scent. Burying my face into her coat on the rack, I bathe in her smell and harden and strain against my zipper.
Necklace. The necklace.
I refocus and walk toward the bedroom. Instead of heading straight for the closet, I wander to the dresser and run my hand along the wood’s smooth grain. The drawer creaks as I slide it open and glide my fingers through the textures and fabrics of her panties. This is next level creepy, and just when I think I reached my creep apex, I see a pair of her panties on the ground beside the hamper. Black and lacy.
No. Don’t be weird.
Okay, maybe just a little weird won’t hurt.
I clutch the fabric and feel a release of tension and frustration as I bring it to my face. I rub the black lace along my cheek, taking in the subtle scent of her. I almost come as I inhale her smell.
But this isn’t why I’m here.
Keeping the panties in my hand, I walk to the closet and open the door. The light shining from the open window illuminates the small space. I get on the ground and feel around the carpeted floor. My free hand picks up speed as it swipes back and forth, panic growing in my gut.
“Where the fuck is it?” I mumble.
“Where is what?” a voice says behind me.
I stand and turn on my heels to face her. Well, fuck.
“Oh god, I—” The panties drop from my hand and land on the floor beside me. Double fuck. “I . . . Emily . . .” This is literally proof there’s no God. If there is, he’s sadistic.
Emily stares me down. Her lips draw down in a tight line, and her eyes squint in accusation, which is fair. When I take a step toward her, she steps back.
“I can explain.”
Can I? The fuck am I going to say? Oh, hi! I lost my necklace in your closet while I was hiding in there and watching you have sex. Oh? The underwear?
I got fucking nothing—no reason why her panties were in my hand or why I’m here in the first place.
“This isn’t what it looks like,” I tell her.
It is exactly what it fucking looks like.
I take another step toward her, and she backs into the dresser. Her chest rises rapidly, but her expression remains calm. I look at her big green eyes and my heart melts.
“Don’t bullshit me, Kevin,” she says with a quick shake of her head. “Why are you in my home?”
Lie. Lie. Fucking lie.
“I’m still in love with you, Emily.”
Or tell the pathetic truth.
“I’m not in love with you,” she says. “I don’t want you in my life. At all. I’ve seen you in the parking lot. I’ve watched you watching me. You’re really shitty at this.”
Clearly.
Her words are harsh, and I can’t help the bit of anger rising into my core. I clench my hands and watch her eyes fall to my fists.
“I’m not going to hurt you.” I drop my shoulders and relax my hands.
“Is this the first time you’ve been in here?” she asks. Her voice is too steadfast to sound like a question.
“No.”
“When?” She cocks her hip.
“A few days ago. You and him.”
She sighs and shakes her head. “Are you fucking kidding me?”
“I wish I was.” I drop my gaze. “Call the cops already. Get it over with.”
“I’m not calling the police, Kevin. I want you to get the fuck out and stay out. You should worry more about David than the police. He’ll kill you. Do you understand that? He will kill you, and it will destroy me. If you care about me at all, you have to let me go.”
She’s right. I do. It’s just not as simple as flipping off a switch. Turning it off would darken the few bright areas of my mind.
“I know, Emily. I’m trying. I started thera—”
“This is trying?” She gestures toward me and then to the closet.
“I . . . I left my necklace. That’s the only reason I came back here. I swear.”
She stares at me for what feels like forever. The tick of the clock on the wall marks each second with a thunderous sound. Emily reaches into a drawer, grabs something, and tosses it at me. I catch it and look into my hands. It’s my necklace.
“I found it that night. Thank you for not lying to me.” She walks up to me and wraps her arms around me.
I hold my arms at my sides for a moment before returning the hug. I squeeze her, feeling the heat of tears behind my eyes.
“Please, Kevin.” She hugs me tight. A firm goodbye. A finale. “I need you to leave me alone. Can you do that?” Emily pulls away from me, and I wipe tears from my cheeks.
“I can. I promise.”
Emily is a person I could never pretend to be. All I can promise her is that I will try to be a better me.